


My Own Sinking Ship

by Lockedmyselfupinaroom



Category: Naruto
Genre: DeiSaso, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romance, SasoDei - Freeform, SasuNaru - Freeform, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-12 05:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7088008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lockedmyselfupinaroom/pseuds/Lockedmyselfupinaroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deidara enters Greenleaf University, excited to take on the world of independence. He meets Sasori there, someone from his past. Throughout the year, Deidara and Sasori get to know one another better, and Sasori decides to take a leap of faith in coming out to Deidara. But can their relationship work, with Sasori on the cusp of graduation, ready to leave Greenleaf and enter the 'real world'?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Deidara feels a mixture of excited butterflies and nervous tension as he walks home from school. He finally did it. He told his friends that he was gay. He had known this fact for a while, and many kids in his class had already teased him about it. But letting his friends know the truth made his chest release a knot that he never knew he was holding. They had accepted him, and his best friend Kurotsuchi had even told him that she was proud that he took such a big leap of faith in them. 

But of course, the rumor spread quickly throughout his middle school. Throughout the day, Deidara couldn’t help but notice the furtive glances and sneers that he received from other students. Yet Deidara didn’t really care. Now that his family and his friends know, he is free to be himself.

Deidara hums quietly to himself as he rounds the corner that would lead him to his doorstep. His smile is wiped away as soon as he sees that his path is not clear. The wind is knocked cleanly out of him as a giant fist meets his stomach. He bends over forward, gasping for breath. 

“You faggot!” someone yells at him. His ears are ringing uncomfortably, stars dancing across his eyelids. 

Another pair of vicious fingers claw at his blonde strands and pull him up harshly. Again, Deidara feels like he can’t catch his breath. His eyes are already beginning to water up at the corners, threatening to spill tears at any moment. 

“Ahh! What the!” Deidara cries before his question is cut off by a rude kick to the side. He groans loudly and shuts his eyes, too afraid to even look his attackers in the face.   
“I knew it all along! You dirty gay kid!” a gruff voice bellows in his ear. Deidara feels a surge of hatred rise in his chest. He was being attacked because he came out? That wasn’t right. 

Deidara finds the courage to fight back, even though he knows this is a losing battle. He opens his eyes and counts his attackers. Three against one. To make matters worse, one of the boys is a tall eighth grader, a kid who is more muscular than Deidara could ever dream to be. But at that moment, he doesn’t care. He swings his leg around to kick the boy closest to him and punches an arm out to free his hair of that vice-like grip from the boy behind him. His quick and sudden attack works, and he is finally free, if only for a moment.

The eighth grader quickly sticks a foot out and trips Deidara, sending him crashing to the ground. He stops his fall with outstretched hands on the concrete, feeling the instant sting. There would surely be scrapes and bruises tonight. 

The boy kicks Deidara’s side again, sending him flat on the ground, in a more vulnerable position than before. “Why?” Deidara asks, clutching his burning side. “Why are you doing this?”  
“Because you’re a faggot! We don’t want any gays at our school!” yells the tall mean eighth grader. The two boys behind him snicker with their arms crossed menacingly. Deidara starts crying, but he does not whimper. The tears leak out hot and fresh, but he wears a look of absolute rage. He is not going down, not yet. 

Deidara gets back up and starts throwing punches with every ounce of his being. Once again, he is knocked down easily to the ground. Deidara looks up to see another fist coming dangerously close to his face. He winces, but the contact of fist upon his face never comes. 

“Ahh! Who are you?” 

“Hey that’s not cool!”

Deidara hears two of his three attackers yelling. Confused, Deidara blinks his eyes open and gasps at what he sees.

An older student, clearly in high school, is standing above Deidara in a protective stance. He had stopped the fist from reaching Deidara and had rendered his attackers silent with a simple glare.   
The high school student has bright cherry red hair and dark brown eyes. He stands tall and skinny, towering above the rest of them, and wears tight fitted jeans and a punk-rock t-shirt. When he speaks, his deep voice sends chills up Deidara’s spine, “Leave him alone.”

“Hey, this isn’t your problem,” it is the tall eighth grader who speaks up, although his hateful tone from before has faded, replaced by something similar to a cowering whimper. 

“It is. I’m not about to just stand here and watch you three pick on this little kid,” replies the red head. Little? Deidara thinks to himself. He uses all his energy to stand up, although he is a bit wobbly and everything hurts. 

“He’s gay,” the eighth grader retorts, as though this fact clearly gave him the right to beat Deidara senselessly. 

“So what. You think that shit is gonna fly in high school? You think you’re cool for picking on the gay kid? Don’t make me laugh,” the red-head says. Deidara watches with silent awe. “Now get the hell out of here.” The three bullies did as they were told, slowly backing away and giving a few last evil stares in Deidara’s direction. 

The redhead turns to leave, but Deidara stops him by tugging timidly on his sleeve. “Th-thank you,” Deidara says, feeling his voice crack slightly. He clears his throat, realizing too late that there’s a large lump there. 

“No problem. I hate kids like that. You alright?” he eyes Deidara up and down, noting the few scrapes and the fact that blood was drawn near his lip. His eyes linger there, and Deidara can’t help but feel his skin crawl with something involuntarily warm. 

Deidara wipes the blood away and shrugs, trying to look cool. “I’m alright,” he lies. He knows he is going to be a puddle of tears in his mother’s arms in a few minutes. But that can wait. He’s currently in the presence of an older, cute male who has just saved him. He wants to thank him properly, at least. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Sasori,” he replies, narrowing his eyes a little, as though he’s suddenly suspicious of Deidara’s intentions. 

“I’m Deidara. Thanks again Sasori, I really appreciate it,” Deidara says with a flashy smile. 

“Again, no problem. Don’t make it a big deal kid. I have to get going now,” Sasori says before turning around again.

“Wait!” Deidara cries, not really sure what else to say to Sasori. He doesn’t want to see him leave though. There’s something about him that draws Deidara in, like a moth to a light. 

“What?” Sasori asks coolly, turning his head to stare his half-lidded eyes at Deidara.

“Um,” Deidara blushes, not sure what to say, “maybe I’ll see you around sometime…” His voice trails off in a squeak, but he keeps his eyes planted firmly on Sasori’s. Was it just his imagination, or did he see a flash of something beneath Sasori’s dark brown pupils? 

“I don’t think so,” Sasori says quietly before dashing off like he has some very important meeting to attend to. Deidara watches his lone figure disappear in the horizon before he slowly moves his feet again. That bright crimson hair, those luscious dark eyes…it was a sight to behold. Deidara doubted if he would ever be reconnected with that level of beauty in his lifetime, so he took his time watching Sasori from behind, taking a mental snapshot of every detail before it was all gone.


	2. Greenie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara's first week as a newbie in college.

Deidara is staring at himself in the mirror for the hundredth time, still trying to decide what outfit to wear for his first day in college. Kurotsuchi lays on her bed carelessly, popping her gum every so often as she peruses through some magazines. 

“What do you think of this outfit?” he asks her, walking into the light.

“Looks good.”

“You didn’t even look Kuro,” Deidara scowls, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. 

She sighs and tosses the magazine aside, “You have better fashion sense than I do, so why are you even asking me? No one cares what you wear to class, honestly. There were people dressed in pajamas in my morning class today,” she points out, trying to nullify his careful hours of preparation for his first class. Deidara rolls his eyes at her, trying not to think about how nervous he is to finally be here. Greenleaf University, with its massive archaic brick walled campus and lush green grassy fields surrounding each tall building. It was Deidara’s dream college since he was a child. It was only an hour or so away from where he lived, and most students in that area commuted, but Deidara had convinced his parents that living on campus the first year was a crucial part of gaining independence. They had agreed, placing him in one of the less pricey dormitories with a random student. Deidara moved into his dorm a few days ago, and hadn’t gotten to know his fellow blonde roommate very well just yet. He spent most of his time hanging out with Kuro in her dorm, both of them avoiding the judgmental glances of Kuro’s roommate Konan. Deidara felt more comfortable with his best friend, and besides, it didn’t hurt that Kuro had snagged a room in the best dorm on campus. She had her own bedroom and a shared living space with a little kitchen and two comfy couches seated in front of a plasma screen TV. Definitely a clear upgrade from Deidara’s cramped bunk-bed situation.

Kuro finally glances upwards to take a look at Deidara, scoping him up and down. “I like this outfit the best, it’s the most casual and the most you,” she comments before picking up her magazine again. 

Feeling like that was an honest opinion, Deidara steps back in front of her lopsided mirror and agrees. His hair is half pulled up into a ponytail, the rest of his blonde locks cascading around his face, his thick bangs resting over his left eye. Black eyeliner surrounds his eyes, causing the blue irises to stand out. He chose a comfortable black v-neck shirt and his favorite dark skinny jeans. His red converse shoes give his outfit a little pop, as he doesn’t want to appear as the ‘emo grunge’ kid. It isn’t his fault that darker colors and tones seem to look better on him. His fingernails are coated in their usual black paint and he wears a red bracelet to match his shoes. A teal ring adorns his right index finger- it was a gift from his grandmother, she gave it to him years ago telling him to follow his dreams and pursue art as a career if that’s what made him happy. Much to his parents dismay, Deidara took his late grandmother’s words to heart and is now working towards a degree in art. 

“Alright,” he says, picking up his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder, “I’m off to my first ever college class, drawing foundations!” 

Kuro waves at him from the top of her magazine as he leaves the comfort of her dorm room and scurries off past Kuro’s quiet and weird purple haired roommate who is lazing on the couch and eyeing him questioningly. He steps into the bright sunlight and curses himself for forgetting his shades in his own place. It’s too late now though- he has to nearly run to make it on time for his first class. 

Once seated, Deidara takes a look around at the fellow art students in his class. Unsurprisingly, he sees some strange outfit choices and hairdos as well as uniquely inked bodies that pass by here and there. He hides a scoff at the tattoo artwork- he would never get his body inked. Deidara prefers art that isn’t permanent like a tattoo. To him, art is ephemeral, a fleeting moment in time. Like a firework. Or an explosion. Or incredible sex with a great partner…or at least he assumes. He wonders shyly if any of his fellow freshmen are also virgins, or if everyone else around him used their last summer wisely to attain their ‘firsts’ before going to college like Kuro did. Kuro made sure to have her first beer, smoke her first joint, and lose her virginity all in the short span of the summer before college. Deidara admitted it was a good idea, and he joined in on her summer adventures where he could. But to him, having sex with a random stranger wasn’t something he wanted to do. Despite his best efforts, he wasn’t able to find a magical-summer-love-boyfriend like in the movie Grease. He did gain lots of kissing practice at the clubs, but didn’t meet any promising boyfriends. Oh well, summer loving is probably overrated anyways. 

Deidara starts to doodle in his notebook, waiting for class to start, wondering what the professor will be like. The empty chair next to him is soon occupied by a sullen faced boy his age, with dark hair that juts out in the back, reminding Deidara of duck feathers. 

Deidara also notices how handsome this dark haired boy is, with his chiseled jaw and stone cold eyes. He wonders what secrets lay behind those eyes. A shiver runs up his spine as he stares at him, too timid to speak. But those eyes watch Deidara closely, and the owner speaks defensively, “What are you staring at?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing, nothing sorry,” Deidara says quickly, although he continues to stare as those eyes narrow at him.

Deidara is about to turn away, when the dark haired boy’s face changes and softens slightly as though he recognized something. “Wait, are you…are you Deidara?” he asks tentatively. The coldness in his voice from before has totally vanished with curiosity. 

“Yes. How do you know me hm?” Deidara asks with a raised eyebrow. From his peripheral vision, he can see a frantic little woman run into the classroom, picking up a piece of chalk to write her name on the chalkboard. It seems class is about to start. 

“You’re roommate mentioned you to me. I’m Sasuke, I’ve known Naruto since we were kids,” he explains. 

“Naruto told you about me?” Deidara asks. He really should get to know his roommate, maybe the hyper guy wasn’t so bad after all.

“He said you had long blonde hair and were an art major. He also said you were kind of weird,” Sasuke replies, not seeming to care that he just called Deidara weird. A sigh escapes Deidara’s lips, and he’s just about to continue the conversation when the professor speaks up and drowns out all the chatter amongst the students. 

……….

“So you think I’m weird?” it’s the first question that springs out of Deidara’s mouth when he walks back into his little dorm room later that afternoon. 

Naruto looks a little taken aback, but his whiskered cheeks soon spread with a knowing smile, “you met Sasuke huh?”

“Yeah, briefly,” Deidara says. “You didn’t tell me you knew people here.”

Naruto shrugs his shoulders and then hops off his top bunk, looking excited as usual. “He and I are in a bit of a spat, if you want to know the truth.”

“About what? He didn’t seem like he was too angry when he mentioned you un.”

“He’s good at hiding his true intentions ya know. I wanted to live with him when we moved to college, but he insisted on living with his older brother, even though his older brother lives off campus a good distance away,” Naruto replies with a sour look on his usually happy-go-lucky face. 

“Hm, do you like him or something?” Deidara asks. Naruto’s cheeks immediately redden, but he shakes his head vigorously, trying in vain to hide the truth.

“Sasuke and I are best friends! It’s not like that.”

“So shouldn’t you respect his wishes if he wants to live with his big brother?” Deidara wonders, trying to tread carefully on what seems to be a sensitive subject. 

Naruto’s voice raises a few notches, “Well yeah, but he and I spoke for months about living together at the end of our senior year in high school! And then all of a sudden, he backed out and got cold feet. We were set up in a better dorm, and when he pulled out, the only place left for me to go was this dump,” An immediate panicked look crosses his face and he quickly blurts out, “not that I’m upset to be your roommate or anything ya know!”

Deidara laughs, “It’s okay, I know this dorm is a dump. I’m only here because my parents can’t afford anything better. But that sucks, really, hm. That was a bad move on his part.”

“Yeah,” Naruto agrees, “I’ve only spoken to him a few times since starting school here, and each time I can sense this tension between us. I don’t know if we’ll ever be the same again…” his voice trails off softly, every hint of deep sadness still lingering in his sigh. Deidara hurries to his bag hidden under his bed, searching for something that he had wanted to save for another time…but he felt like Naruto needed it now. Besides, this could bring himself and his roommate closer together, and maybe Deidara could start forming those ‘long lasting bonds’ from college that his parents were always talking about. 

“You had a bottle of vodka hidden in there?” Naruto asks incredulously as Deidara pulls out the cheap Smirnoff. Deidara smiles at him, and Naruto’s skepticism soon melts away. 

…….

The two blonde freshmen drank themselves silly that night, swapping embarrassing stories from high school and talking openly about being gay. Deidara relayed to Naruto about the time that he came out in 7th grade and then was saved by the mysterious redhead Sasori. Naruto recalled how he too was picked on in elementary and middle school for being gay, and how things changed when Sasuke started standing up for him, threatening to beat up anyone who so much as glanced at Naruto in the wrong way. Deidara listened to all of Naruto’s childhood stories with interest, wishing that there had been a ‘Sasuke’ type guy in his own life. Well, at least he had Kuro, who’s fists were practically made of stone. She would easily manhandle any bully who tried to direct any insult towards Deidara, and soon, every bully in their grade learned to steer clear of them.

Deidara’s head was pounding as he slowly extricated himself from his warm blankets. “Ugh,” his groan seemed to echo around the small bedroom, the raw taste of vodka still present on his breath. He nearly gagged when he stood up, realizing too late that he needed to take things slow today apparently. Naruto is nowhere to be seen, he must have had to get up early for a morning class…sucks to be him.  
Gently, taking tentative steps along the way, he makes it to the community bathroom. Still grossed out by his situation of sharing a communal bathroom with other gross (and mostly frat) boys, Deidara keeps his breathing limited while taking a quick shower. 

Once clean and rinsed, Deidara feels a little better, less lightheaded. It’s a good thing too, because he has to get ready for another day of new classes. Once back in his dorm room, he changes into a quick and comfy outfit, not caring today how he looks. With his thick dark sunglasses on, he heads out the door, praying silently that the sunlight won’t scorch his already spinning head. 

…….

“Oh man, what a week,” Deidara sighs as he stabs his meal with his fork. The first week of classes are finally over, and Deidara already feels overwhelmed with his new schedule and piles of homework. “I thought being an art major would be easy. Why do I already have all this crap to do hm?”

“Nothing’s easy in university,” Kuro reminds him, taking a sip of her smoothie. They are seated in the bright afternoon sun at a local smoothie joint on campus called Fruity Tooty. Deidara ordered a low-cal berry smoothie and a salad, trying his best to ward off the ‘freshman fifteen.’ Kuro shamelessly devours her buffalo chicken wrap in front of him. 

“So, did you find out about any good parties for this weekend hm?” Deidara asks, trying to sound casual. He’s afraid his first weekend away from home is going to be a boring one. 

“Not yet. You could always share another bottle of vodka with Naruto,” Kuro says with a chuckle. 

“Hey, we finally had a connection, hm. You can’t say the same about your weird roommate.”

“At least Konan doesn’t come home and vomit in the doorway. Besides, she isn’t that bad. I’ve been talking with her more lately, she’s actually pretty cool,” Kuro says before taking another bite of her chicken wrap. Deidara tries not to think about the moment when Naruto came back that day after all his classes and blew chunks in the doorway. Deidara was completely disgusted, but understood all too well how Naruto felt. Over the summer, Deidara got pretty messy drunk more than a few times, and it didn’t always end well for him. 

Deidara is about to retort back in defense of his roommate, when something out of the corner of his eye catches his attention. Sasuke is strolling up to them, walking with an air of confidence. “Hello Deidara,” Sasuke says, glancing quickly at Kuro and then back to Deidara. 

“Sasuke, how are you?” Deidara asks, surprised that a classmate of his whom he’s only spoken to once before is standing here trying to make conversation. 

“I’m alright. Listen,” Sasuke leans in a little closer, pulling out his phone as he does, “I wanted to invite you to a party this weekend. You can bring your friend if you want,” he eyes Kuro, who blinks in surprise, “but make sure to bring Naruto too. He’s been ducking my calls lately.” The ways Sasuke says this makes Deidara believe that there’s definitely more to Naruto and Sasuke’s friendship than Naruto is letting on. These two seem hopelessly head over heels for each other, but neither one wants to admit it. “Give me your number and I’ll text you the address. It’ll be at my place.”

“Sure,” Deidara says before giving Sasuke his digits. In the back of his mind, he thinks how strange this is. One minute ago, he was complaining to Kuro that they had nothing to do this weekend, and now they have an invitation to a party with people they don’t know. College life is definitely different from high school. 

“Oh and Deidara, there’ll be a redhead in attendance, one of my friends who says he’s a little lonely… He’s a little shy, so you might have to go up to him and start a conversation, but I think you would be his type,” Sasuke says out of the blue. A pink tint crosses his face, and Deidara deduces that Sasuke is uncomfortable talking about this sort of thing. His friend must have really begged him.  
Now, the only catch is that Deidara has to somehow convince Naruto to come out with him.

…….

Naruto sighs again, but the corners of his lips turn upwards slightly. “You really want me to come to this thing? Fine. But I won’t be drinking anymore vodka.”

“Great! And you don’t have to drink anything you don’t want to hm. I’m excited! My first real college party!” Deidara squeals, unable to hide his enthusiasm. Now, what should he wear?  
His thoughts are interrupted by a string of questions from Naruto, “When is this thing anyways? And how are we going to get there?”

“It’s tonight, so you better start getting ready. And my friend Kuro has a car, she can drive us,” Deidara explains as he searches his closet for something suitable. 

“Oh man, why can’t Sasuke just ask me like a normal person? Ya know!” Naruto complains. 

“Well apparently you’ve been ducking his calls hm. Seems like he’s worried about his boyfriend un.”

“For the last time, Sasuke is not my boyfriend!” Naruto throws his pillow at Deidara, but Deidara can clearly see Naruto’s flushed face from the reflection in his mirror. 

…..  
A few hours later, Naruto and Deidara are squeezed in the backseat of Kuro’s mini cooper, along with a pile of miscellaneous items. Deidara is still silently seething that Konan has the passenger seat up front…he is Kuro’s best friend, not this purple haired chick! Although Deidara can’t deny that she does have better fashion sense than anyone he’s ever met; with her flower barrette, pierced bottom lip and light purple eye shadow, Konan looks straight out of a Vogue or Cosmopolitan magazine. But still, he should be the one sitting up front. 

Kuro looks back at the two blondes apologetically, “sorry if it’s a tight space back there, I really should clean out my car one of these days…” The car zooms past the campus, and a newfound bubbling of excitement stirs within Deidara. Since moving into his dorm a week ago, he hasn’t been off campus yet. He’s curious to see what lays beyond the scope of ‘campus life.’ 

They pull up to a fairly decent sized townhome, covered behind thick trees that hang over the roof, as though mother nature is warning not to tread to close to her forests. Deidara happily hops out of the car, stretching his limbs and watching the few people milling around the front porch. There is a soft glow around them from the single dim light, a few moths flying around the area eerily. But no cute redheads. 

Deidara steps inside the home with Naruto, Konan and Kuro in tow. What he sees makes him stop dead in his tracks. He found the redhead- it’s none other than Sasori.


	3. Sasori and the Dreaded Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is not looking forward to the party that his roommates are hosting. But things get interesting when he recognizes someone there from his past.

Sasori glowers at Itachi, fuming about this whole ordeal. Sasori prefers to spend his weekends alone, working on his art projects and playing video games or reading. The thought of throwing a raucous party, and inviting the annoying freshmen at that, is completely horrifying to him.

"It's for Sasuke, try to understand. He's gotten himself caught up in a messy romantic situation," Itachi tells Sasori.

Sasuke's defensive voice booms over from the other room, "it's not a romantic situation!"

Shisui, Itachi's boyfriend, gives a derisive snort of a laugh. "Yeah keep telling yourself that buddy!" The three of them hear some indistinct angry muttering from Sasuke's room. Shisui laughs again, clearly enjoying picking on his boyfriend's little brother.

"I'll just stay locked up in my room," Sasori says.

"Oh c'mon Sasori. Don't be a stick in the mud. When's the last time you went out and did something fun? When's the last time you had some action?" Shisui asks while nudging Sasori playfully. Sasori's eyes narrow and he scoots away from him a little.

"Yeah, it could be a good opportunity for you to meet someone new," Itachi chimes in. Itachi takes a seat next to Shisui in their little dining nook, running his purple polished fingers up Shisui's shoulder.

"I don't have any interest in making friends with freshmen," Sasori retorts.

"Who said anything about making friends? You just need a good fuck," Shisui points out bluntly. Sasori continues to scoot away from him, not liking the maniacal gleam in his eyes.

"No thanks," Sasori comments, lifting his coffee mug to his lips.

"It's been a while since your last time, hasn't it? C'mon, you've got a pole up your ass the size of Texas, you need to loosen up." Sasori nearly spits out his coffee on the table, but he manages to choke the hot liquid down somehow, although not without sputtering and coughing slightly.

"That's enough Shisui," Itachi murmurs lightly.

"I'm just stating the facts. Ever since that Sakura chick broke up with him and left him for that professor, he hasn't been himself."

"I'm more myself than I was with her," Sasori replies. Truth be told, he was more than glad to be rid of Sakura. She had only dated him for a few months and then left him for one of her professors, Kakashi. Sasori was only dating her as a cover up, and he suspected she knew…they rarely ever got intimate, and when they did, Sasori suggested more than once that they try anal sex. The look on Sakura's face was always a horrified 'no.'

Sasori kept his sexual life and his desires locked away inside himself, and he never relished when others brought up the topic. Sasori realized that he was gay back in middle school, but he never had the confidence to tell anyone. If anything, watching how other kids in his grade got beat up for simple things like having too many pimples scared the shit out of Sasori. If they knew he was gay, he would surely have been targeted. He didn't have too many friends back then, there would've been no one to help him out. To top it off, Sasori grew up with his prude grandmother, who candidly wore her old-fashioned opinions about society on her sleeve. She thought that being gay was a sin, and that most teenagers engaged in 'riff raff' and drugs, so she naturally was harsh towards Sasori about nearly everything. Sasori never really got along with his grandmother, but hearing her gripe about her distorted opinions never did any good to his ego. He hid himself away in his room most nights, secretly browsing the web to fulfill his fantasies. He hated what he had become- a closeted gay who couldn't tell anyone what he was.

College life was supposed to change all that, he was supposed to have the confidence to tell his new friends in college that he was gay. But again, Sasori found himself in extenuating circumstances when he was a freshman. Timid yet ready to take on the world, Sasori entered Greenleaf University with high hopes to become a game designer. But as he began his classes on technology and game design and statistics, he realized that it was not the career he really wanted. He loved playing video games, but he never really stopped to think about what it would take to make video games. He quickly realized it was something he never wanted to be a part of in the first place. What Sasori really loved was working with his hands to create art. Not digital or graphic design art, but true art. Art that is permanent, enduring and beautiful. When he was young, before his parents died, he would make little bird houses or puppet dolls with his father. It was a hobby of his that always brought him joy, and so he decided he wanted to make a career out of it. He dropped out of computer science and picked up art as a major with a focus on woodworking. That little life-crisis in his first year of schooling left him busy to pick up the pieces of his scattered life and left him no time to have a heart to heart moment with anyone about his sexuality.

The other factor that prevented Sasori from revealing the truth was the fact that he rarely ever had heart to heart moments with anyone. His introverted and somewhat standoffish personality made it difficult for others to get to know him closely. Sasori enjoyed his alone time, but that didn't mean he didn't get lonely. Like any other human on this planet, Sasori craved having best friends, and someday a lover. But he kept his cards close to himself, was secretive by nature. He wanted to be honest with someone, but didn't know where to start. Before he knew it, he was actually dating a girl, and pretending to have a life that wasn't his own. So when Sakura broke up with him, he felt free, like a bird leaving their cage for the first time. He promised to himself that he would tell Itachi, the closest friend he had, the truth…someday.

It was ironic really, that Sasori lived with two openly gay brothers. Sasori sometimes thought that Itachi might already suspect that he isn't straight, but if he did, he kept it to himself. He knew better than to poke and prod about those kinds of matters. Unlike Shisui.

"Well either way," Shisui takes a drag of his coffee in between his sentence, something which irks Sasori to no end for some reason, "you need to get laid."

Sasuke walks into the kitchen just then, and Sasori is happy for his saving grace. "What do you think?" Sasuke asks, turning his body slightly to show off his outfit. He's wearing a long sleeved white v-neck shirt that clings tightly to his body, accentuating his muscles. His black pants are almost as tight as his shirt, and Sasori gulps as he stares at that smooth, bubbly ass. He quickly averts his eyes and takes another sip of coffee.

"If Naruto doesn't jump you tonight, then I don't know what's wrong with him," Shisui comments. Itachi bops him on the head, not too lightly either. "Ow!"

….

The rest of his Saturday goes by in a blur, and before he knows it, Sasori is stocking their fridge with beers while Itachi tidies up the kitchen, hiding delicate items out of sight. Being of age, Sasori and Itachi went to the liquor store earlier that day to buy all the booze for this mostly-underage party they were throwing. Sasori can only hope that the cops don't show up tonight.

Music starts blaring from the speakers that Shisui provided, and he begins to nod his head with the beat, beckoning Itachi forward. Sasori sighs and continues his mindless task of shoving beer into every nook and cranny of their fridge. Just get through this night, he tells himself.

An hour later people begin to arrive, greeting them quickly before making a beeline to the fridge for alcohol. Unsurprisingly, Sasori doesn't recognize a soul. He begins to pout, and takes a beer for himself. If he can't enjoy the company, then he's going to at least enjoy getting smashed.

By now there's a good number of people crowding their home, and the vibe amongst everyone is blissful and most are already drunk. Grins plaster upon the silly flushed faces of the freshmen, and Sasori is caught in a sea of unrecognizable looks, still not feeling the buzz from his two beers. He gulps frantically at his third bottle, hoping that the alcohol will soon free him from this feeling of being trapped inside his own home.

And then he sees it. A flash of blonde hair and blue eyes, eyes that are staring directly at him with recognition. An electric shock seems to pulse through Sasori's body as he realizes who he's staring at. It's Deidara, the little boy he helped all those years ago.

Although Deidara is no longer a little boy. Far from it. He's grown into his body, filled it out completely with tight muscles and long, cascading hair. His slender figure rises a few inches above Sasori's, despite the fact that Sasori is older. His crystal blue eyes shine with something tender as he obviously recalls his youth. Sasori shakes his head slightly to clear his mind as Deidara makes his way towards him confidently. Is this really the same timid middle school kid from all those years ago? His demeanor is different, he's more sure of himself and walks over with poise.

Sasori feels his heart thud in his chest, and his face flush. Was Deidara that good looking back then? No, definitely not. He was a scrawny boy with choppy blonde hair, his face covered in his own blood. That's the Deidara that Sasori remembers, the one he was so dismissive of for fear of letting him know that he too was gay. That same fear bubbles up inside Sasori now, regardless of the fact that Sasori promised not to lie to himself or others about it anymore…but something about Deidara's flamboyant fashion makes his heart leap up to his throat and catch, rendering him voiceless. It doesn't help that Sasori now finally feels the effects of his drinks. Perfect timing.

"Hi Sasori," Deidara says, his voice much deeper and sexier than Sasori remembered. The middle school high pitched tone is gone.

Sasori swallows the lump in his throat and tries to act cool, "Hmm…" he narrows his eyes, pretending not to recognize the gorgeous blonde before him. Something changes in Deidara's look, and Sasori sees a hint of hurt flash over those blue eyes. Sasori quickly responds, "Oh Deidara, is that you?" He knows it's him. He could recognize those eyes anywhere.

Deidara's face visibly lights up, "Yes! You remembered! I can't believe I'm seeing you here hm!"

"Small world," Sasori comments, not sure what else to say. His head is spinning and he isn't sure if it's due to the alcohol or the presence of Deidara before him.

Deidara whips his hair off his shoulders, releasing an intoxicating smell. Sasori is filled with an overwhelming urge to bury himself in that cinnamon smell, but he holds his ground somehow. "Are you a student at Greenleaf University too?" Deidara asks excitedly.

"Yup," Sasori says, trying to act disinterested. His stomach does a strange back flip at Deidara's enthusiasm. What was wrong with Sasori tonight?

Deidara giggles suddenly, as though something is hilarious. Sasori eyes him questioningly, and Deidara says, "I never knew Sasuke meant you hm."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was invited to this party by Sasuke. I'm roommates with Naruto, and he told me that he had a redhead friend who was interested in guys like me un," Deidara responds with a blush, eyeing Sasori carefully before quickly averting his eyes to the floor bashfully.

An instant heat flares inside Sasori, although he isn't quite sure if it's anger directed towards Sasuke or the fact that perhaps he is interested in men like Deidara that makes his insides squirm. Perhaps a bit of both. But he's also sure that this is a complete misunderstanding. Although, he thinks, maybe now is the time to finally be open about it…he's still mostly a stranger, but he already assumes (correctly) that I'm gay…

A bark of a laugh erupts from somewhere behind Sasori, and he feels his stomach drop uncomfortably. Of course. There's always something that prevents Sasori from showing his true colors. This time it's Sasuke who pipes up, "Sasori is as straight as a ruler. I didn't mean him Deidara." Sasori isn't sure how long Sasuke was there, listening in on their conversation. He doesn't appreciate it one bit though.

Deidara's cheeks flare again, and Sasori feels a strange pang of guilt at the blonde's crestfallen face. "I meant Gaara," Sasuke says, pointing to another redheaded boy standing in the corner of the room. Deidara and Sasori turn to look at Gaara, who has his hands on the waist of a boy with big bushy eyebrows.

"Eh, looks like he's occupied hm. Not my type anyways. Sorry Sasori for making assumptions. It was good catching up with you un," Deidara rambles out quickly before leaving the scene with his head hung low in embarrassment, no doubt headed for the kitchen to grab a drink. Sasori feels his chest deflate. That damn Sasuke.

Sasuke claps Sasori on the back, and Sasori can smell heavy alcohol on his breath, "Just looking out for you."

"I don't need your help with anything," Sasori says as he pushes Sasuke's hand off his back, "do us all a favor and go talk to Naruto, ok?"

…..

The buzz from the alcohol quickly drains and Sasori finds himself sitting on the front porch about an hour later, holding onto his fourth drink. Not that he's counting or anything.

It's nice sitting outside alone, away from the thick of the party. The cool breeze drifts softly through Sasori's red locks, brushing his face with tenderness. His ears are ringing due to the loud music in the house, and his eardrums are pounding uncomfortably in his skull. Being outside is much nicer, more preferred for Sasori right now.

Sasori thinks back to Sasuke, and how he ruined his chances with Deidara. Sasori watched Deidara after he scurried away from him. Deidara busied himself most of the night talking with the two girls he walked in with. He chatted with others a little, but always touched base with the purple haired girl and the brunette with short hair. Sasori guessed that the brunette was Deidara's closest friend, as he saw Deidara clutch her arm or whisper in her ear multiple times. Sasori could've sworn he also saw Deidara glancing his way every once in a while. When he did that, Sasori would casually look away and take another sip of his beer, pretending to be engrossed in the conversation he was having with one of the many random freshmen.

But the party was ultimately draining on Sasori's personality, so he had come outside for some fresh air. He now sat quietly on the front stoop, listening to the dull of the music pounding inside and the feint chirp of the bugs around him.

The music grew louder for a split second as the door creaked open. Sasori is surprised to see Deidara walking towards him, with a grin on his rosy-colored cheeks.

"Sasori," Deidara says, taking a seat next to him boldly, "I thought I might find you out here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you seem like the quiet type. That party is pretty loud hm," Deidara points out before taking a swig of whatever concoction is in his red solo cup.

"I just wanted to get out of there for a few minutes. Have some peace and quiet," Sasori replies. He tries his best to look forward into the night, and not at the hot blonde sitting mere inches away.

"Yeah, I get that hm. Peace and quiet. It's good for the soul," Deidara says before hiccupping slightly. Sasori turns and eyes him carefully. Looks like Deidara has had quite a lot to drink in a short amount of time. He's been binge drinking.

Deidara swoons a little and then looks at Sasori deadpan in the eyes and Sasori feels that little turn in his stomach again. "So you're really not gay?"

"Uh-" Sasori doesn't have a real response, but Deidara cuts him off anyways.

"Why did you help me with those bullies all those years ago then? I thought you did that because you knew what it was like to be teased as the gay kid when you were in middle school un," Deidara is nearly whining, but somehow it's cute.

"I don't have to be gay to know when an injustice is occurring. It was wrong. All form of bullying is wrong, period." Sasori says a little too aggressively. On that day all those years back, it was like a switch was turned on in Sasori's mind when he saw the small blonde being kicked and yelled at. His body acted of its own accord, and his mind never really caught up with him until he was home that day. The whole thing was a blur, yet somehow, Sasori recalled every detail vividly.

Deidara's eyes begin to water, and Sasori begins to panic. He isn't good with tears. He never knows how to comfort the crying. But Deidara doesn't cry, he sniffs a little and says, "That's so sweet un! I wish the whole world were like you Sasori! Your gesture meant so –hic- much to me that day! Hm!"

Drunken confessions. Sasori never relished these either. But he could see that Deidara was being sincere with him. Sasori felt a pang in his chest, wishing he could somehow comfort the blonde. But his fingers felt frozen and his body felt numb. He was still too afraid to make the first move.

Luckily for him, he didn't have to. Deidara's head found its way to Sasori's shoulder. "This is okay un?" Deidara asks, peering up at Sasori with his piercing blue eyes. Sasori nods and lets Deidara nuzzle his face into his arm. It's strange really, that Sasori allows this. He usually shies away from any form of human contact, especially in a public place. But somehow, Sasori feels like Deidara needs this...and he can't ignore the happy feeling inside his own gut.

The two of them strike up a conversation, both curious about each other's pasts since the day they met all those years ago. It turns out that they went to the same middle school and high school, but being several years apart, never knew each other. Sasori is a 5th year senior, which he admits reluctantly to Deidara. Deidara doesn't judge him though, he listens intently as Sasori explains that he had to change majors, causing his college career to stretch out longer than he had anticipated. Deidara tells Sasori that he will be turning 19 in two months, and Sasori is reminded of the large age gap between them. About four and a half years. It doesn't seem like too much, but Sasori knows that Deidara is still so young, so innocent compared to him. Deidara recalls his summer escapades with his best friend Kuro, about his first drinks and first high, and Sasori is truly hit with just how much four years can mean when in college. Deidara is a green freshman, the world of independence still new in his grasp. He hasn't experienced all nighters and regretful hangovers yet. A year or two of carefree college parties, drunken and/or high adventures, and countless sexual partners and boyfriends awaits Deidara. Sasori knows this, and feels himself shrink down once more. There's no possible way that Deidara would ever consider going on a date with Sasori. Sasori is an older, washed out student at Greenleaf. His time is almost up. He'll move on soon to the 'adult world' where he'll either continue his studies or get a job. Both options still scare the shit out of Sasori right now, although he know he needs to face it soon.

Deidara hiccups once more on Sasori's shoulder and then says, "you smell nice Sasori." The cup in his hand tilts a little and some of the liquid sloshes out and falls on Sasori's lap.

Sasori gets up quickly, feeling angered and alerted by the sticky liquid covering his pants. This freshman brat just spilled his drink on me! "Argh!" Sasori yells as he stands, knocking Deidara over.

Deidara gets up quickly, trying desperately to recover from that awkward spill. "Sorry Sasori! I'll get some napkins un!"

"No, it's fine," Sasori grumbles. "Just go back to your party, enjoy being young and drunk." Sasori doesn't know why he's so upset, but after his string of unpleasant thoughts and getting alcoholic drinks poured on his lap, he suddenly feels like walking away from this entire mess of a party. He knew this was a bad idea from the start.

Deidara blinks, and Sasori can see that his eyes are still glazed, although there's clear worry written in them. "I'm sorry."

"I said it's alright," Sasori repeats, "really," he emphasizes a little harshly, just wishing that Deidara would leave already. Deidara nods slowly and enters the party again. Sasori heaves a sigh of relief when Deidara is gone. Now he's left to himself again. Things are easier, less complicated, when Sasori is alone.

…

Another hour later, when his pants are nearly dry again, Sasori returns into his house. The party is still raging, although some of the people have dwindled out already. Sasori takes a look around, noting the trashy mess on the floor and taking in the scent of weed and beer. He isn't looking forward to cleaning up the place tomorrow.

He walks into the kitchen to start clearing away some of the bottles, to make his life easier the next morning. He passes by a couple making out against the wall furiously, like it's the end of the world and they have no time to waste. He peers curiously at them and sees that it's Naruto and Sasuke. Finally, he thinks to himself. That was the whole point of this damn party anyways.

He greets a grinning Shisui in the kitchen who says, "you saw them huh? It's about damn time."

"Yeah," Sasori agrees before picking up a few sticky bottles off the counter and placing them in the garbage.

Itachi appears from behind Shisui and wraps his arms around his waist. There's a flush pink on Itachi's face and a silly drunken smile to match it. Sasori sighs, he knows how affectionate Itachi gets when he's drunk. "Hey babe. Let's get out of here," Itachi tries to whisper into Shisui's ear. It's too damn loud to be a whisper. Sasori groans to himself, knowing now that he'll probably get no sleep tonight between hearing both Itachi and Sasuke having sex with their partners. He doesn't know what Sasuke sounds like in the sack, but if he's anything like Itachi, it's going to be one hell of a loud night in this tiny townhome.

Sasori retreats back into the living room, feeling depressingly lonely. His roommates both have lovers tonight, and they aren't ashamed of their sexuality. Sasori is the only one going to bed alone tonight, once again. He can't help but feel isolated and dejected, although he knows it's his own fault.

He's just about to sit on the couch to sulk when he sees that Deidara's friends are leaning over something on the couch. Sasori looks over to see that Deidara is passed out on the couch, and the girls are trying to wake him up, both with worried looks. "What's going on?" Sasori asks.

"He's had a lot to drink, he passed out drunk…we're afraid he might have alcohol poisoning," replies the purple haired girl worriedly.

"Don't worry, he isn't that far gone," Sasori says as he carefully brushes the two girls aside. "Are you three ready to go?"

"Yeah, it's no fun if Deidara is like this," the brunette admits. "Although, we drove Naruto here…" her voice carries away as she glances over at Naruto who is still wrapped in a tight embrace with Sasuke, both writhing like a pair of eels. They really should take it into the bedroom at this point.

"Don't worry about him, I think he'll be staying here tonight," Sasori states the obvious and then gets back to the matter at hand, "I'll help you carry Deidara to the car. Make sure he sleeps on his side, you might want to put a pillow under his head to prop him up. If he throws up, we don't want him to choke. You can place a bucket under him if you want. He might just wake up soon and go to the bathroom on his own." The girls nod, trusting the older male's advice. Gently, not believing that he has to do this, Sasori lifts Deidara up, watching his head loll to the side.

Deidara makes a few whimpering sounds in his sleep as Sasori carries him to their car. He learns that the brunette is named Kurotsuchi, although she prefers to be called Kuro, and the purple haired girl is named Konan. Konan seems to be the most coherent, and admits that she doesn't drink much, so Sasori entrusts her with the task of driving.

Deidara is nestled in the backseat on Kuro's lap, and Kuro keeps petting his head, whispering to him that it's going to be okay. Sasori has seen this before, the drunk girl or boy who has one too many and passes out. He assures the girls that Deidara will be fine, advises them to have some Advil, water and Gatorade ready when he wakes up.

They thank him countless times before Konan gets in the driver's seat. Sasori gives Kuro his number before they go, that way Kuro can text him when they get home for his peace of mind. "Thanks again Sasori, this is really kind of you. We will definitely make sure to text you when we get back," Konan says while turning the keys in the ignition.

"Yeah, thanks a million! This is the second time you've come through for Deidara, he's lucky to have met you!" Kuro says in the backseat. Sasori is struck by her words, he never realized that Deidara had relayed to his friends about what happened in middle school.

They drive off into the night, leaving Sasori pondering over the blonde boy. His stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought that Deidara might not be alright…but why does Sasori care so much? He barely knows him. He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and then waits impatiently for Kuro to text him. He knows the trip to campus should only take about 15 minutes.

Twenty minutes later, Sasori is pacing in the living room, checking his cell phone every few seconds. Why haven't they texted yet? Did something happen? He doesn't know if he should call them to find out. Maybe he should've driven them all home.

Finally, Sasori feels a buzz in his pocket and he whips out his phone lightning fast. The party around him is finally starting to die down, there's only a few stragglers left behind. Sasori takes a seat on the couch and reads the text from Kuro: We are home. Deidara is in bed. Took us a while to carry him there. Thanks!

Sasori sighs in relief, feeling a tense knot inside himself release. He's about to text her back when another message pops up on his screen: He just woke up and ran to the bathroom to puke. You were right, I think he's ok.

Sasori texts her back: He will be fine. Thanks for letting me know. Get some water for him.

Well, Sasori thinks, if he gets it all out now and rehydrates, he might feel ok in the morning. Another buzz alerts him to a new message. He turns on the screen, wondering what the hell it could be now. Kuro: He kept saying 'Sasori' between throwing up, lol.

Sasori blinks and puts his phone down gently. He isn't sure how to respond to that one. He knows that Kuro probably shouldn't have texted him that, but he knows she's still tipsy (Konan should probably take her phone away from her at this point). But Sasori's heart is pounding in his chest and his face is flushed. Why should he care if the blonde drunkenly mutters his name while being sick? What does that mean anyways? He's probably delirious. He won't remember any of this the next morning anyways.

So Sasori places his phone in his pocket and goes to his bedroom, shutting the door and locking it behind him. It was a weird night, and his mind is far from easy. All he wants right now is to welcome sleep and let his mind escape from reality into dream world, where everything is happy and careless and free.


	4. Fellow Art Major

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara finally gets a chance to thank Sasori for helping him out, again.

The pounding in Deidara’s head does not cease when he slowly, ever so carefully, pulls himself into a sitting position in Kuro’s bed. He wonders for a split second why he’s in Kuro’s bed and not his own. But then a flood of memories from last night wash over Deidara, and he remembers running to Kuro’s bathroom to throw up all the contents of his stomach. He sighs and lays back down again, his headache pulsing uncomfortably. 

Kuro walks into the room just then and her face lights up, “You’re awake!”

“Yeah, un,” Deidara groans, shielding his face from the light that pours into the room. “Can you shut the door?” Kuro does so, and then plops herself next to him on her bed.

“How are you feeling? I have some Advil and water here for you,” Kuro says.

“I have the worst headache of my life hm. Thanks,” Deidara says before graciously taking the pill and swallowing it down hard with massive gulps of water. He never appreciated water so much in his life before. He could feel the tingling sensation ease over his body as the life-giving water worked magic on him. 

“You should be thanking Sasori,” Kuro replies with a smirk. Deidara eyes her questioningly and she explains, “He carried you to the car and told us what to do for your drunk ass.”

“Hey,” Deidara complains, “I’ve helped you countless times un.”

“But I never passed out like that. That was seriously scary Dei,” Kuro’s brows knit together with firmness, showing how worried she must have been last night.

Deidara looks down a little sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to get that drunk hm…I just…un.” He couldn’t finish his sentence. What he meant to say was something along the lines of ‘I was extremely disappointed to find out that my middle school crush, Sasori, isn’t gay. So I got wasted trying to drown out my problems.’

Kuro seems to understand without words what Deidara is thinking. She pats his back gently and then says, “You rest up. Don’t worry about Sasori.”

She gets up to leave, but Deidara stops her with a question. He just remembered something. “Did I say his name over and over while throwing up last night?”

The smirk on her face is confirmation that yes, Deidara did make a fool of himself last night while smashed. He groans and closes his eyes, trying to fall back asleep to assuage the pressure in his skull. 

……..

A few hours later, once he feels well enough to walk and function like a normal human being again, Deidara makes his way back to his own dorm room. He’s surprised to find that Naruto is there, grinning from ear to ear as he listens to music and flips through a textbook. 

“There you are!” Naruto says, jumping up excitedly from his top bunk. “I was beginning to worry about you ya know! I figured you spent the night at Kuro’s?”

“Yeah un. And I know you spent the night with Sasuke,” Deidara says, deflecting the conversation from himself. Naruto’s smile grows wider, if possible, a faint blush tinting his whiskered cheeks.

“Yeah, he and I finally made up,” he says. 

“Yeah, everyone at the party got a view of you guys playing tongue hockey,” Deidara replies, laughing as Naruto’s face turns dark. “I always knew you liked him hm. So why didn’t he want to live with you, did he explain?” 

“Haha you were right. Turns out the reason he decided not to live with me is because he knew he liked me, and he wanted to take our relationship slow. He didn’t want us to live as friendly roommates, he wanted to have a real relationship with me, and if we lived together already, it might make things complicated ya know? And I am happy,” Naruto says, although it’s clearly written on his face. He can’t stop grinning like a fool in love. 

“I’m glad,” Deidara says as he steps gingerly into the room over the pile of clothes on their floor. They really should do laundry soon. Deidara’s voice gets lower into a half-whisper as he asks, “did you guys –uh- you know-?”

Naruto’s blue eyes widen with surprise at Deidara’s question, but his blush and slight smile reveal the truth before he even says it. “Yeah. We did.”

“Wow!” Deidara squeals. He lowers his voice again, “Was it your first time? How was it?” He’s curious how sex feels for the first time for men. 

“It was…haha…I don’t know how to describe it, ya know,” Naruto says, his cheeks turning beet red, “amazing is the word that comes to mind.”

“Wow,” Deidara says, thinking about what it will be like for his first time. He hopes it will be special, and with someone close to him. “Were you the…top or-?” 

Naruto waves his hands in front of Deidara, begging him not to finish that question. “Ah Deidara, you ask too much ya know!” 

“Sorry, I’m just curious! As a fellow gay friend, you should tell me un!” Deidara pleads. He knows already that he’s a bottom, and he wonders what it feels like to be filled up completely for the first time…

“I was on top if you really wanna know. But that’s enough!” Naruto replies before picking up his textbook again, feigning that he’s busy with school work.

“Hm, alright. I’ll get more out of you one of these days when you’re drunk hm,” Deidara teases. 

As he resolves to pick up his clothes off the floor and start his laundry, he ponders to himself about what it would be like, to make love. The image of Sasori comes immediately to his mind, and he tries desperately to swat it away, like a fly from his face. But it lingers in his mind’s eye, no matter what he does to distract his brain. Man, he has it bad for that straight guy…why do all the hot ones have to be straight?! 

………

Luckily for Deidara, school provides enough of a distraction as he is thrown into the midst of learning his class schedule, given endless amounts of homework, and asked to begin thinking about the subject for his big art project for the semester. He spends lots of time either in the library or in the art building, speaking with his professors and keeping his nose buried in a book. Who knew being an art major would be so hard? He has to study for an art history exam, write an essay on the influence of the modern world on art, and finish his self portrait for drawing class. 

It’s now a Thursday afternoon, and Deidara can nearly taste the weekend. He’s finished with all his classes and is sitting on a bench outside of the art building, sketching his self portrait. He hates drawing class already, there’s nothing exciting about it…just pictures that last a lifetime, not his style at all. 

He’s so engrossed in his drawing that he doesn’t notice when someone leans over his shoulder to take a look. “That’s pretty good. Although you’re missing a few details.” Deidara nearly jumps out of his skin with shock. A mangled yelp escapes his lips, and he frantically covers his mouth, embarrassed. But he already knows who it is.

“Sasori!?”

Sasori smiles and waves. “I thought that was you Deidara. Just came to say hi.”

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Deidara asks, heartbeat still racing. 

“I’m an art major, I’m here a lot,” Sasori explains.

“You’re an art major too! No way un!” Deidara cries. 

“Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that at the party…I told you I switched majors, but I didn’t explain I was an art major. Well, now you know,” Sasori tells Deidara. Deidara has star eyes, and he knows it. He quickly blinks and tries not to think how truly unfortunate it is that Sasori isn’t gay. 

“So, um, how did you feel the next morning after that party?” Sasori asks casually, taking a seat next to Deidara on the bench. Deidara tries not to freak out by how close their legs are. 

“Horrible un. I had the worst headache,” Deidara says before adding, “Thanks again. Apparently you did me a solid by carrying me to the car and giving advice to Kuro and Konan. I really appreciate it. I should really repay you one of these days for everything un.” Deidara has to stop himself from rambling on too much. Oh the things he would do to ‘repay’ Sasori kindly…

“I’m glad you were okay though. You’ll learn your limit fast, and hopefully won’t get that wasted again,” Sasori says. 

“Yeah, definitely. I’ll be way more careful next time, hm.”

Sasori laughs a little, “It’s always hard to have self-restraint at your first few college parties.”

“Did you ever get so drunk that you passed out?” Deidara asks. He immediately regrets his question, feeling that it was too personal. A sour look crosses Sasori’s face. “Never mind, you don’t have to answer that un!”

Sasori sighs and says, “I’ve been there too, but I’d rather not talk about it.” He gets up to leave, and Deidara feels like kicking himself for asking a personal question and scaring him off. 

“You have to go un?” Deidara’s voice feels small.

“I have a class in a few minutes,” Sasori explains, looking at Deidara through his half-lidded eyes. Before he turns to go, he adds, “I’ll think about your offer by the way.”

“Offer?” Deidara is lost in Sasori’s brown eyes, not really hearing the words coming out of his mouth.

“Your offer to repay me for helping you. That’s twice now, so I’ll take you up on your offer one of these days.” Sasori replies bluntly. Deidara blushes and tries to act cool, like it’s no big deal. He nods and smiles as Sasori waves and heads off into the building towards his class. What could Sasori possibly want anyways? Deidara has no clue, but he’s eager to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it so far, the build up is a little slower in this one, but it will all be worth it! Thanks for any kudos and comments, I appreciate it! :)


	5. Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling lonely and frustrated, Sasori goes out to a bar alone to drown out his sorrows.

Sasori’s rapid heartbeat and electrified nerves haven’t died down yet. He curses himself under his breath as his advanced woodshop class starts. He had opened up to Deidara for a moment, had spoken to him casually. But then, like he always does, he clammed up at the first personal question. And really, was that even a personal question? All Deidara asked was if Sasori had ever gotten passed out drunk before. Sasori shouldn’t have been so sensitive about it. There’s no way Deidara could know…

The only time Sasori drank himself to the blackout drunk state was when he was feeling pretty depressed about a year ago. He was lonely and had no true friends to call his own. The few acquaintances he had met throughout his college life so far were flaky or fake, there were no true, deep connections with any of them. He was unlucky enough to get douche frat boys as his roommates, and he was fed up with going to lame college parties and getting smashed and not making any real friendships. He was tired of lying to himself and others about his sexuality, he had nearly reached his limit with pretending to flirt with girls. He was also way in over his head with school work, and feeling thoroughly overwhelmed.

That’s how he found himself walking around the local downtown district, with a bottle of heavy liquor in one hand and a plastered drunken grin on his face. He was drowning out his sorrows- his loneliness, his inability to be truthful about his sexuality to anyone, and his infuriating amount of schoolwork. He didn’t mean to get that drunk. He was just looking for a quick release from his current state, an escape for a few hours before he was able to get his life together. But nonetheless, he blacked out. He couldn’t control his drinking that night, and if it wasn’t for Itachi and Shisui, who knows what would’ve happened.

He awoke the next day in a strange place, totally panicked and feeling like he had been hit by a train. But Itachi and Shisui nursed him back to health and then pestered him with questions. “Why were you out drinking alone downtown, don’t you know what kind of things happen there?” or “Where do you live? Do you need us to take you home? Are you homeless?”

Sasori found solace in the fact that these two strangers had found him pissed drunk and helped him instead of mocked him. He knew his other acquaintances would never have done that for him. So he took a leap of faith in Itachi and told them his name and that he was a Greenleaf student, and that he had made a mistake in drinking too much the night before. He was still too shaken and afraid to say anything more. He didn’t want to delve into his depressing thoughts with mere strangers. But they took a liking to him anyways, could probably sense that there was something more to it. They could at least see that he needed a friend.

So that’s how Sasori met Itachi and later decided to live with him. Things changed after that day, he began to feel more confident in himself when he gained a true friend. However, he was still cautious, still closed off to letting his true self out. He took things slow, didn’t take the first step forward in any kind of relationship, and since Itachi was also reserved, he never egged Sasori on or asked too many questions of him. Itachi respected Sasori’s space, which was something that Sasori grew to admire about Itachi.

Recalling that memory brought back that depressed, lonely feeling inside Sasori. Why did he push Deidara away just then? What was he afraid of? Well…he’s afraid of rejection. That much he knows. What was the point of trying to be honest with Deidara, a freshman who he could only be acquainted with for a few months…Sasori was in his last year of schooling here, and he would soon move on. There was no time for him to make a connection with Deidara, or anyone else for that matter. He knew that everything would change (again) once he left Greenleaf. 

Sasori can’t concentrate on his professor or on anything going on in this class, despite the fact that it’s his favorite class. His mind is elsewhere, and his body feels heavy, crushed by the weight of his depression. He slumps in his seat, barely able to keep his eyes open. His heart is hollow, his mind wrapped in despair. 

When class finishes, he trudges out feeling lower than dirt. He can’t escape the thoughts and anxieties about moving on from college, to the next step in life. The pressure all around him, to start looking for a career or to apply to grad school, is suffocating him. There’s no time to make new friends, to fall in love, to enjoy life to the fullest…did he miss his chance? Did he waste his time in college, feeling sorry for himself and being too picky with choosing friends? There are no answers to his questions, and he’s crushed by them, lonely and desperate. 

……….

The next day is no better. Sasori thought that maybe since it’s Friday, the weekend would cheer him up. But Itachi and Shisui have plans to go to the beach one last time before the weather gets chilly. They invite Sasori, but the thought of being the third wheel depresses him more than staying home alone, so he refuses politely, telling them to have a nice romantic weekend together.

Sasuke has been busy all week entertaining Naruto, and Sasori is sure that Sasuke’s plans will revolve around his new boyfriend this weekend too. He tries anyways, “Hey Sasuke, what are you up to this weekend?”  
“Naruto and I are going to a club tonight,” Sasuke says, not even bothering to invite Sasori, knowing that the club scene isn’t his cup of tea. 

Shisui is scrambling for the last few beach items in the background, looking frantically for the sunscreen. He pauses to jibe Sasuke though, “you naughty kids be good while we’re gone. No sex on the couch!”  
Itachi glowers at Shisui and comments, “Sasuke would never.” But the gleam in Sasuke’s eyes says otherwise. 

………..

Sasori is reading a book on the couch, feeling a little better now that he has some peace and quiet to himself. Itachi and Shisui left a few hours ago and now Sasuke is the one scrambling to get ready for the club. Sasori caved and bought him some liquor after all his pleading, so Sasuke’s already had a few shots to get himself ready for the club scene. 

Sasuke is a little wobbly as he walks towards the front door, and Sasori stops him. “Wait, how are you getting to this club? You aren’t driving are you?” 

“Naruto and Deidara are picking me up. They’ll be here in a minute,” Sasuke says.

“Deidara is coming with you?” Sasori tries to sound casually interested, and hopes his note of shock doesn’t come through his voice. 

“Yeah. We’re going to a gay club, and Deidara’s single, he wants to meet someone. That’s sort of the whole reason Naruto suggested we go to this damn club,” Sasuke says before grabbing his keys and walking out the door, leaving Sasori with this bombshell of information. 

The tiny joy that Sasori felt over having the place to himself to read a book is completely vanished. All he can think about is Deidara. Dancing with another man. Kissing another man. Laying in bed with another man.

“Argh!” Sasori actually cries out loud, utterly frustrated. Why can’t he get Deidara out of his mind? He doesn’t know him that well. He shouldn’t care if Deidara wants to go to the gay club to meet a guy. That’s normal, he’s 18 years old, young and full of energy to dance and hook up with strangers. Sasori shouldn’t care. 

But he does.

………

Unable to stay home alone with his troubled thoughts, Sasori dragged himself to a gay bar a few miles outside of campus area. He figures he won’t run into anyone he knows here, since it’s a bit further from the usual college crowd. The bar is called ‘The Lounge’ and Sasori has secretly been here before, eyeing the men and talking with a few, trying to get a feel for how to pick up a guy. He’s never taken any man home with him, obviously, but going to the bar somehow calms his nerves a bit. 

He takes a seat at the bar and orders his favorite drink, whiskey sour. He sips on it casually, watching the muscular men and their fag hags walk by and head to the small dance floor. ‘The Lounge’ is a more casual club, the dance floor is small compared to most other gay clubs and it’s less crowded than most. That’s probably why Sasori prefers to come here. 

An hour or so passes, and during that time Sasori downs a few more drinks and talks with a few of the guys sitting at the bar with him. Some are already too wasted to hold a decent conversation, and others are clearly more interested in getting in his pants, but Sasori knows he doesn’t have the courage to have a one night stand. He blows off a few of them in search for any guy who can hold his interest for longer than a few minutes.

There’s one curious looking man, a few years older than Sasori, sitting alone a few barstools away. He has long, silky smooth black hair and a pale face. He wears earrings and thick eyeliner, but somehow, it isn’t obnoxiously flamboyant or flashy. He keeps glancing towards Sasori, his eyes lingering, bold enough not to avert them away. He even beckons Sasori over to come sit with him, and after some contemplation, Sasori agrees.

He sits next to the man shyly, although he does feel a little bolder with the liquid courage coursing through his veins. “You looked a little suffocated over there with those meat heads,” is the first thing that the man with dark hair says. “I thought you might be more comfortable over here.”

“Thanks,” Sasori says, noticing how different this man looks from the ‘meat heads.’ He’s lean and skinny, like Sasori.

“Orochimaru,” he says, reaching a hand out to shake Sasori’s.

Sasori shakes his hand, “Sasori. Nice to meet you.”

“Can I buy you a drink? I feel like you would be a good conversationalist,” Orochimaru says. There’s something snakelike, almost evil in his eyes, but Sasori chooses to ignore this. Perhaps it’s the amount of alcohol already in his body, or the smooth politeness of this man, but Sasori nods and agrees to have a drink with him. 

Two drinks in with him, and Sasori starts to feel a little fuzzy. He figures the alcohol in his drinks is strong, and he tries his best to focus on his conversation with Orochimaru. But he feels like his mind is slipping away, out of his body. 

Then everything turns black.


	6. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara, Naruto and Sasuke decide to go to a more low-key, chill bar after their encounter at the 'Rainbow Room' is an unpleasant one.

Deidara groans quietly as Naruto helps him with his eyeliner, making it a little thicker and darker than usual. "What's wrong?" Naruto asks him.

"You really think I'll find a potential boyfriend at 'The Rainbow bar' un?" Deidara asks. He's done the whole go to a gay bar to look for guys over the summer, and it never worked. He met lots of drunk or mean men who only wanted one night stands. Nothing even close to boyfriend standards.

"Even if you don't find a boyfriend, you can still have fun ya know," Naruto says, holding up a mirror in front of Deidara's face. Deidara gasps, he can't believe that Naruto actually has some skills with putting on make-up.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I'm the designated driver, and a third wheel un," Deidara scowls.

"Oh c'mon, once you get there you'll be the light of the party. You're a social butterfly, you don't need alcohol to talk to the guys there," Naruto says. Deidara doesn't try to tell him that that's not the point. He shrugs his shoulders and chooses not to argue the matter. He might as well try to have fun. Who knows, maybe he will meet someone surprising.

….

Then again, maybe not. 'The Rainbow Bar' is every ounce of gay stereotype placed in one massive, chaotic room. There's dancing lights that switch colors from purple, red to yellow flashing on the crowded dance floor. There's a stage in front of the dance floor for drag shows, but there's no performers tonight. Glitter clings to the floors and walls and the men at the bar wear only tight fitting spandex shorts. The music blares loudly, the DJ playing throwback Britney Spears songs every few beats.

Deidara holds back another groan. He's been to these types of clubs with Kuro countless times, and never once left feeling elated (except for maybe that one time that they decided to try molly. Now that was an exciting time at the club).

The three of them make their way into the thick crowded dance floor, trying not to inhale too much of the smoke. Naruto and Sasuke start to dance together, grinding up on one another sensually. Deidara was worried about this, he already feels like an awkward third wheel. Not a great start to his night.

He walks off to the bar, hoping that he can flirt with an older guy and get a free drink. The bar is nearly as crowded as the dance floor though, and Deidara chews his bottom lip, trying to decide what to do.

A pair of sloppy drunk hands slither around his waist, and he swats them away. "Hey honey," the owner of those hands breaths into Deidara's face, "want to dance?"

Deidara sighs. There's nothing better to do, so he might as well dance with this drunk guy. The guy is tall and stocky, not really Deidara's type, but maybe he'll be a good dancer. So Deidara nods and pulls him to the dance floor, making a beeline towards Naruto and Sasuke in case this guy tries anything fishy.

Deidara dances with him for a few songs, trying his best to lose himself to the music and enjoy the moment. But the guy's hands grope up and down his waist, and continuously get lower until Deidara has to spin around and give the guy a warning glare. A few songs later, the guy is at it again, trying to grope Deidara in places unwanted. Deidara grips his hands and pushes him away.

"Oh c'mon, don't be like that," the guy says with thick alcoholic breath.

"I'm done dancing with you un," Deidara says in a firm voice. The guy rolls his eyes and walks away, but Deidara's mood is sour after that point. Why can't he just dance with a decent guy?

Deidara looks for Naruto and Sasuke, and finds them standing against the wall, looking sweaty and a little overwhelmed, as though they've danced themselves out. "Can we get out of here?" Deidara asks.

Naruto looks relieved by his question and Sasuke asks back, "You sure? You didn't have fun dancing with that guy?"

"Not for long. He was a creep. Let's go somewhere less crowded hm," Deidara suggests. The two of them nod in agreement and they make their way out of the bar.

Once outside, Deidara feels like he can hear again, and he's grateful to breathe in fresh air. They pile into Kuro's car (which Deidara is borrowing under the strict condition that he doesn't drink or do any drugs tonight) and drive off looking for a more 'quiet' bar.

Being new to the area, Sasuke and Naruto pull up a list of gay bars on their phones, quickly searching through the reviews to find something suitable. "What about 'The Lounge'?" Naruto eventually asks as Deidara pulls out of the crammed parking lot for 'The Rainbow Bar.' "It's a little farther, but more low-key ya know. We won't have to deal with the frat douche guys."

"Sounds great hm. Direct me there," Deidara says, perking up a little.

….

Deidara immediately likes this place better than the last club when he walks in, taking in the small wooden bar and the dance floor that's half the size of the one in 'The Rainbow Room' and loving the fact that there's about 1/3 of the people here. He can see some quiet looking types at the bar, and some happy gays dancing on the dance floor with a few ladies. There's no glitter or crazy blinding lights and the music is loud, but not in danger of shattering eardrums.

Deidara thinks he might actually be able to flirt with a few men and dance with some, maybe even find a good looking guy to make out with for the night. He and his friends get to the dance floor and start jiving to the music. Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke, whispering sensual things into his ear and Deidara starts scoping the scene, looking for cute guys.

His heart nearly stops when he sees a flash of red hair at the bar. Could it be? But no, he isn't gay…there's no way.

Deidara dances and moves his body forward a little, to get a better look at the redhead at the bar. A jolt runs through Deidara's entire being, rooting him on the spot for a moment. His suspicion was right, it is Sasori.

And Sasori is talking with a guy.

Deidara's heart clenches uneasily. He suddenly doesn't want to be in this club anymore, not if he can't be the guy chatting up Sasori and making him laugh.

Deidara is about to look away, when something catches his attention. The guy Sasori is talking to has his hands over both of their drinks, slick and casual. Heated fury jolts through Deidara as he sees that there's something very wrong with Sasori's drink. It's bubbly and misty…as though this man slipped a drug in there.

And Sasori too. There's definitely something wrong with him. He doesn't normally laugh like that, with wild eyes and a carefree demeanor. Although Deidara doesn't know Sasori well, he knows that Sasori is a closed soul, one that takes time to open and become personal with. This Sasori is too forceful and loose, laughing as though the man he's talking to is the funniest person on the planet.

And then the man with sleek dark hair whispers something in Sasori's ear, and Deidara watches in horror as Sasori nods his woozy head in agreement. The man takes Sasori's hand in his own, and they begin to walk out. Deidara's chest tightens, he's having trouble breathing because he knows, instinctually, what is about to happen to Sasori.

He runs past the few drunken people dancing around him and quickly grabs Sasuke and Naruto's wrists, dragging them away from the dance floor with no explanation. They protest, but soon follow Deidara, figuring from his harsh stance that this is something serious.

Deidara marches them out of the bar and into the cool night air. He isn't sure where he's going exactly, because he can't see Sasori's red hair anywhere. But he knows they couldn't have gotten far.

And then he sees it. A dark alley between two bars, and somehow, Deidara knows that this is the place. He turns and Sasuke and Naruto start spewing wary questions behind him, afraid to go down this shady alley. Deidara ignores them, his body on overdrive to save Sasori.

A black run down car is parked in the alleyway, with nothing else around it save for the dumpster wedged between the buildings. The car is still and there's a low hum of the engine, but the lights are suspiciously turned off.

Heartbeat racing with fear and his ears ringing from the lack of pounding music, Deidara steps in front of the car and peers inside, trying his best to rid his body of the 'fight or flight' instinct. When he sees the unmistakable red hair, he chooses 'fight.'

Deidara knocks on the car window with all his might, and the passengers inside freeze for a moment, but don't respond. But Deidara is persistent. Sasuke and Naruto stand a few feet back from Deidara, not sure what's going on, continuing their pleading for Deidara to stop.

The window cracks open, just a few inches, and a slimy nose and narrow eyes peer over the top. "Get the hell away," the man snarls.

"No, my friend Sasori is with you. I saw you put a date rape drug in his drink and if you don't let him out, I'm calling the cops un," Deidara warns, flashing the screen of his phone towards the evil man, 911 already dialed. All he has to do is press the call button. An indistinct murmuring comes from behind the crooked man and Sasuke and Naruto gasp behind Deidara.

"Let him out now!" Deidara says again, his chest hammering. This is probably the single most terrifying thing he's ever had to do. He worries for a split second that this man might have a gun or a knife.

But the car door opens miraculously, and Sasori steps out, looking delirious. He takes one confused look at Deidara and then reaches his arms outwards, as though he's trying to catch him. Deidara takes Sasori's arm and places it over his shoulder, and Naruto and Sasuke jump to action to help. They are shocked, but leave their questions for later.

The three of them help Sasori to Kuro's car, seating him in the backseat with Sasuke while Naruto takes the passenger seat. "Wow…I can't believe…" Sasuke's voice sounds hoarse.

"Let's just get the hell out of here," Deidara says, turning the keys in the ignition with fury. He's so mad right now he can barely think straight. How dare that man try something like that on Sasori? In retrospect, Deidara probably should have called the cops, maybe that bad man would get locked up. But Deidara is simply relieved to have Sasori safe and sound in the backseat of his car, even if Sasori looks like he's seen better days. Sasori's head lolls to Sasuke's side, his eyes are glazed and there's still an unnatural look about him that Deidara doesn't like.

They get to Sasuke and Sasori's townhome and walk Sasori to the couch, although Sasori doesn't want to sit down. Sasori is still awake, and rambling about going back to the club to get laid. Naruto and Sasuke hurry to get him some water, but he refuses to drink it.

"Take me back you brats. Why did you take me out of there? I was gonna find a nice guy."

"You were with a bad guy, he was about to take advantage of you," Deidara says, trying his best not to sound too aggravated. His blood is still boiling after that encounter.

"I don't like that Orochimaru. Where did he go?" Sasori asks, confused. His speech is slurred and it takes him a while to form the sentences. Deidara also notices that Sasori is having a hard time standing and walking on his own, like his muscles are weak.

Deidara makes him sit on the couch, his worry increasing as Sasori blurts out, "I'm dizzy…I don't feel that good…" Sasori groans and clutches his stomach.

"Oh man, is that drug gonna make him throw up?" Deidara asks Sasuke and Naruto. They both shrug, stunned by Sasori's appearance. Naruto gets up to grab a bucket and places it by Sasori, although Sasori kicks at it and knocks it over.

"I – I just want to sleep," Sasori says finally, his eyelids already lowering. Deidara helps him up and takes him to his room.

Once in bed, Sasori falls asleep almost instantly, which also worries Deidara. He chews on his bottom lip again and watches Sasori sleep for a while, not daring to let him out of his sight.

He hears a soft knock on the door and spins around to see Naruto standing there, "Hey Dei, it's pretty late. You've been watching Sasori sleep for almost two hours, I think he's alright."

"You don't know that hm! What if he starts to throw up, or gets up and sleep walks or something," Deidara protests. He isn't leaving Sasori's side tonight. He can't.

Naruto seems to understand this, "Well Sasuke and I are going to bed. We'll just stay here tonight to keep an eye on him. You should get some rest too, and we can drive back to campus tomorrow morning."

Deidara nods, grateful that his roommate understands. "Oh and Naruto? I think it's best we don't tell Itachi and Shisui about this…I don't think Sasori would want them to know un."

"Yeah, definitely," Naruto says before closing the door again.

Deidara looks back down at Sasori again, noticing how innocent and tender he looks like this, fast asleep and slightly flushed. Deidara wants to touch him, but not in a perverted kind of way. He wants to brush his red hair out of his face, hold his hand, comfort him. But he doesn't do anything. He knows better. Sasori isn't in his right mind. More than likely, Sasori won't remember a thing from tonight.

Deidara keeps watch over Sasori until around 5am, when he can no longer keep his eyes open. He turns Sasori's body to the side, propping his head up in case he does throw up. Then he lays on the floor, feeling too uncomfortable to join in Sasori's bed. He looks up at the cracked ceiling until his mind finally drifts to sleep.

…

Deidara shifts uncomfortably on the floor, his body still heavy with sleeplessness. He barely got a wink of sleep that night, and he gets up, figuring that he can sleep later when he's in his own bed.

Panic spreads throughout Deidara as he sees that Sasori isn't in his bed. Adrenaline jolts Deidara awake and he practically runs out of the room, wondering where Sasori could have gone.

He runs straight into something, not caring to look as he turned the corner. "Ahh!" Deidara cries as he bumps heads with none other than Sasori.

Sasori places his hand over his face, smoothing the bump with his fingers, looking annoyed. He is extremely pale, with dark circles under his eyes. "Sorry Sasori! I was looking for you un," Deidara says.

"It's alright. I just woke up a few minutes ago and had to use the bathroom. My head is on fire. Why are you here?" he asks.

"Um," Deidara doesn't know what to say. "What do you remember of last night?"

A stricken panicked look passes Sasori's face. Deidara realizes the implication of his question, if Sasori remembers being at the gay bar, he's in dangerous waters here. He's about to admit to Deidara that he is gay. Or at least bisexual. Deidara isn't sure yet.

"Everything is kind of a blur…I must have had a lot to drink, because I can't remember anything after a certain point," Sasori finally replies cautiously. "I still feel really dizzy…"

Before Deidara can ask anything else, Sasori runs back to the bathroom and Deidara hears him retching in the toilet.

The sound of Sasori being sick must have woken Sasuke and Naruto up, because they both come stumbling into the living room. "Is he okay?" Sasuke asks. Deidara nods and shrugs, not entirely sure how to answer that.

Sasori soon emerges, groaning. "I haven't felt like this in a long time. What happened?" He looks desperate for answers, and Deidara's gut twists with pity for him. He wants nothing more than to give the redhead a comforting hug.

It's Naruto who answers candidly, addressing the elephant in the room, "we saw you at a gay bar last night, 'The Lounge.' Deidara noticed that the guy you were talking to had drugged your drink. He took you outside and we stopped anything from happening and took you home. You were awake for a little, but soon went to sleep. Deidara watched over you all night long to make sure you were alright."

Sasori's face is crimson and he fidgets nervously on the spot, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, "I-I was drugged?" his voice is small and catches slightly in his throat.

"Yeah," Sasuke says slowly, "it's a good thing Deidara saw that. If it were just Naruto and me, I'm not so sure we would've seen it happen."

"Oh man," Sasori holds his face in his hands, looking close to tears. Deidara has never seen him like this, so emotional and raw. His heart aches for him.

"So um, Sasori?" Sasuke starts gently, and Deidara knows exactly what he's about to ask. "You're gay." It's not even a question, it's a statement. Deidara winces at how blunt Sasuke says it, not at all careful about how he might sound. If Sasori's never come out about this before…this is a sensitive time for him. Deidara knows that.

Sasori slowly, timidly, looks up at the three of them and nods. "Please don't say anything to Itachi or Shisui yet. I just…now is not the time. I feel exhausted still…I think I'm going to lay down for a little."

The three of them move out of the way for Sasori to slump back into his room. Deidara hesitates on the spot for a moment and then follows Sasori. He knocks on his door tentatively, and hears a grunt in response.

"Hey um Sasori, sorry to intrude, but-" before he finishes his sentence, Sasori swings the door open and stares at Deidara. Deidara swallows down the rest of his words at Sasori's glare. His eyes are hollow and scared, although he's trying hard to make them look menacing and cold.

"I guess I should thank you Deidara. Looks like we're even now," Sasori says.

"Well, that's not why I did it hm," Deidara says, "I didn't save you to 'repay' you or anything. It was the right thing to do. And I felt really, incredibly angry when I saw what that Orochimaru guy was going to do to you…my body sort of acted on its own," Deidara ranted, feeling his anger boil up again at the thought of what might have happened if he wasn't there…

Sasori gives him a curt, small smile. Deidara wonders what he's smiling about and Sasori explains, "The way you just described how you came to help me last night, that your body acted of its own accord...that's how I felt all those years ago when I scared off those bullies." Deidara blinks at him, surprised that Sasori can remember what he was feeling and thinking from that day. "Anyways, I really do appreciate it Deidara…" Sasori says again before biting his lower lip, as though he's stopping himself from saying anything else.

"So, I guess I'll see you around," Sasori finally says awkwardly, waving at Deidara before slowly closing the door.

"Yeah, I would really like that," Deidara says honestly. He sees a faint smile etch on Sasori's lips before the door closes completely, and butterflies erupt in Deidara's stomach.

Maybe, just maybe, Sasori is as excited to see Deidara again as he is to see Sasori.


	7. Fun Station

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to repay Deidara back for his good deeds, Sasori decides to take him out to an arcade.

Sasori spends most of the day in bed, fuming to himself that he got into such a sticky situation. He was a fool to have ever approached that shady character and to say 'yes' to his drink proposition. Sasori remembered the evil gleam in Orochimaru's eyes as he offered him a drink, and Sasori should've known better.

But what happened, happened. There was no going back. And now because of it, Sasuke, Naruto and Deidara all knew Sasori's secret. He hadn't planned to come out in such a manner, but that's just how it happened. He cursed himself for this whole mess. It shouldn't have been like that. He should've said something to Deidara before all of this…he should've told Itachi months ago…

How he let his sexuality stay hidden for so long, he didn't know. It actually felt good to tell them that he was gay earlier. He felt a tension in his stomach release, and his shoulders relax. He finally did it. Three people on this earth now know that Sasori is gay.

But the other reason Sasori stayed in bed all day was due to the pounding headache that wouldn't go away. He crawled out of bed once to get some painkillers, and was pestered with questions from Sasuke (Naruto had left with Deidara a few hours earlier).

Sasori didn't quite feel like talking at that time, so he hid back in his room, begging for his brain to stop pulsing against his skull. Eventually, sleep came again, washing away his pain.

….

Sasori gives a big stretch a few hours later as he wakes up. He feels much better now, after sleeping off the effects of that horrible drug. He gets up and walks into the kitchen, feeling ravenous.

Sasuke is there, reading a book at the kitchen counter and eyeing Sasori as he prepares a meal. "So Sasuke," Sasori says, "You don't happen to have Deidara's number, do you? I should really thank him for his help."

"Yeah, I do. Does this 'thanks' involve a blow-job?" Sasuke asks slyly. Sasori gives him a menacing glare, hoping that his cheeks aren't too red. Sasuke doesn't say anything as he texts Sasori Deidara's number, but his ever present smirk annoys Sasori nonetheless.

"You like him, don't you?" Sasuke asks, not taking the hint to drop it.

"No," Sasori denies. He shouldn't have these feelings for Deidara…he barely knows him. Well, he knows him a little better now, after baring the truth to him…but still. This attraction he has for Deidara, is like nothing he's ever experienced before. He isn't sure how to handle his feelings.

Sasori quickly takes his food into the living room and sits on the couch to eat, away from the nosy Sasuke. He takes out his phone and texts Deidara before he loses his nerve: Hi Deidara, this is Sasori.

Then he waits.

Halfway through his meal, he receives a text back and his stomach does a back flip when he sees it's Deidara: Hi Sasori, how are you feeling?

Sasori replies immediately, not caring if he seems desperate: Much better, I slept most of the day.

Deidara replies just as quickly, and Sasori feels his pulse increase: I'm glad. I was worried about you last night.

Sasori smiles at that, it's heartwarming to know that someone actually cares. He responds: Thanks. I'd like to hang out with you to repay you for your help. Are you free tomorrow?

Sasori's fingers are sweating and it takes all his willpower just to finish his meal and not look at his phone every two seconds as he waits impatiently for Deidara's reply. He hates waiting, and he notices that Deidara is taking a lot longer to respond to this message than the others.

Finally, he receives a response: Sure! Where do you want to go?

Sasori sighs to himself in relief and texts him back: I'll pick you up around noon, it'll be a surprise. See you then.

Deidara responds again, and Sasori can practically sense his excitement: Great! Can't wait!

Deidara must be crazy, Sasori thinks. It seems like Deidara is really into Sasori, and Sasori doesn't quite understand why.

….

The next day, Sasori pulls up in front of Deidara's dorm building and sees Deidara waiting eagerly for him outside. He waves and hops into Sasori's car, a big grin on his face.

Sasori gets butterflies in his stomach as he looks Deidara over. Deidara's eyeliner brings out the sparkling blue of his eyes and his hair is looking extra smooth and silky today, pulled up in his usual half-ponytail with the bangs draping over the left side of his face. He's wearing tight fitting skinny jeans, and Sasori got a slight glance at his perfect ass before he slid into the car. He reminds himself to check Deidara's backside later, when Deidara isn't looking intently at him like this, eyes wide and excited and full of curious joy.

"Where are we going for our date un?" Deidara asks, nearly breathless.

Sasori jerks up at the word 'date' and quickly responds, almost instinctually, "This isn't a date. Just a casual hang out…I mean, we're going to an arcade, I don't know if it's necessarily considered date material." He says all this quickly, adding that last bit when he saw how broken Deidara looked at the clarification that this is not a date. Sasori finally got the nerve to take Deidara out somewhere, and he decided on a lame place…so he didn't feel justified in calling it a date. He wants to get to know Deidara better before dating him.

Deidara soon recovers, "An arcade huh? So you like gaming hm?"

"Yeah. I hope you do too?"

Deidara nods enthusiastically, "I like some games. The arcade games are pretty fun hm. I didn't know there was an arcade around here."

"It's a bit of a drive, so I hope that's okay with you. It's in a big rundown building, it's called 'Fun Station.' They have laser tag and go-carts too." Sasori explains. It's an old place, a little cheesy, but still quite fun. Deidara's eyes widen again at the mention of 'laser tag' and 'go-carts.'

….

When they get to 'Fun Station,' Sasori insists on paying for Deidara's admission ticket, and Deidara eyes him questioningly, with one arched eyebrow. "It's not a date, don't look at me like that brat. I'm just repaying you for saving me from that creep," Sasori reminds him. Deidara smirks and brushes his fingers across Sasori's hand slowly as Sasori hands him the ticket. Goosebumps rise up over Sasori's arm from Deidara's light touch, and he looks away quickly, trying not to blush or give Deidara the satisfaction in knowing that he's wearing him down.

"I want to start with laser tag, un," Deidara says, in a sing-song voice.

"What? I came here for the games," Sasori replies curtly.

"I thought you came here to repay me back, hm. And I want to play laser tag," Deidara says, hands planted on his hips.

Sasori groans, "Fine. Have it your way brat." Deidara whoops and grabs Sasori's hand, dragging him to the laser tag center. Sasori's fingers practically melt into Deidara's, and he's rendered silent as Deidara shoves a laser gun into his hands.

After they sit through the mandatory safety video, they gear up in vests and walk into the glow-in-the-dark arena (with a few random players as well). Deidara and Sasori chose to be on opposing teams, Deidara said it would be more fun that way.

Sasori sighs as he rounds up with his team of random people before they head out to get the 'blue' team. Sasori is on the 'red' team, naturally. But there's only one opponent Sasori really cares about defeating.

He hides behind the corner of a fake building and peeks out carefully. He sees a few blue team members walking around, and he quickly emerges, firing at them and feeling elated when their vests light up, indicating that he hit his targets. "Yes!" he yells, despite his earlier resolve to be stealthy and quiet. This was actually quite fun.

Then his own vest lights up, and he looks around in shock, wondering who hit him. He hears a distinct giggling and narrows his eyes, "Deidara!"

"You'll never catch me un! One mark down, two to go!" Deidara yells from somewhere behind Sasori. They each have to be hit 3 times before they are out of the game. Sasori is determined to take Deidara down, so he runs in the direction of Deidara's voice.

He spots the blonde crouched at the side of another building, and he rushes forward quietly, tiptoeing as he goes. But Deidara turns around in a flash and pulls his trigger, hitting Sasori's vest again.

"What! How?" Sasori asks. But he doesn't wait for an answer, he pulls his own trigger and yells with glee as Deidara's vest lights up.

Deidara scurries away again, and Sasori follows, his heart pumping with adrenaline. He hasn't played anything this fun since he was a kid! He was actually really enjoying this! His competitive side was telling him to run faster to catch up with the blonde brat.

He finally does, and he pulls down on his trigger before Deidara can, evening out their score. Now they're at sudden death. Deidara smirks and sidesteps, avoiding Sasori's next attack. Sasori curses under his breath and charges forward, laser gun outstretched.

Both vests light up at the same time, signaling the end of the game for them both. Sasori stops and looks down at his vest and pulls the trigger of his gun, only to realize that it doesn't work anymore now that he's out of the game. Deidara looks up at him and grins, his cheeks flushed from running. He has an inquisitive look, as though he's trying to figure out if Sasori had fun or if he's angry.

Sasori laughs, letting mirth take over his senses. "Wow," he says as they walk to the exit. "I can't believe we shot each other at the same time."

"Yeah un!" Deidara says, beaming, "Me neither! That never happens."

They take off their laser tag gear and re-enter the main arcade room again, both still laughing and reminiscing their game.

"Aren't you glad I suggested we do that hm?" Deidara asks him with a big smile.

Sasori rolls his eyes but nods, "Yeah, I guess you were right this time. Laser tag is pretty fun." Deidara is about to reply again when Sasori gasps at something that caught his eye. He's looking at an old-school game, one that he played when he was a child on his Gameboy. It's one of many prizes in one of those impossible to win claw-machines.

"Wow," Sasori breathes, not caring anymore if he appears as a total nerd to Deidara. "It's the red version of Pocket Monsters."

"Oh that one was my favorite hm!" Deidara says. Sasori turns to him, his ears disbelieving what they heard.

"You played Pocket Monsters too?"

"Yeah un! Of course. I loved that game. I had the card game too hm. And I watched all the episodes as a kid," Deidara said, showing off his nerdy side as well.

"Wow," Sasori says, unsure of what else to say. "The red version was my favorite too. I played mine until it finally busted. I still have my Gameboy, but the retail price for these old games is ridiculous. If these blasted machines weren't impossible to beat, I might actually try to win it."

"Impossible hm?" Deidara asks with a raised eyebrow. "You don't think I could snag that game from there?"

Sasori laughs, "Yeah right. Our efforts would be better spent on the actual games. We can get some tickets and win a lame prize."

Deidara shrugs, "alright, if you say so un. What game do you want to play first?"

….

They spend the next hour playing all sorts of games, Deidara eager to try all of them. From melee fighting games, to shooting games, to ski ball, Sasori and Deidara did them all, laughing and competing with each other. They racked up the tickets, trying to get enough to at least get a decent prize from the booth. Maybe they could take home some candy or a stuffed animal.

They just finished a car racing game, in which Sasori was the winner. "Alright!" he yells, pumping his fist in the air, "look at all those tickets!"

"Yeah hm, good game," Deidara says, blowing his hair out of his face. He then pats Sasori on the leg, sending an electric shock throughout Sasori. "I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Alright," Sasori replies, blinking as Deidara's hand slips off his leg. Sasori sits in the chair for a little too long, his leg still feeling warm from Deidara's slight touch.

He finally gets up and decides to get a soda at the concessions while he waits for Deidara. He then sits on a chair of a game that's not being played, watching the flashing lights and colors around him. He sips on his drink for a while, wondering what's taking Deidara so long.

He's about to go to the bathroom to check on him, when he feels a light tap on his shoulder. He turns around and says, a little annoyed, "There you are brat."

Deidara is smiling at him, wide and perfect, showing off his white teeth. His hands are behind his back. "You thought I couldn't do it hm," he says as he reveals what's behind his back, whipping his hand out. There, seated in the palm of his hand, is the red Pocket Monster game. Somehow, Deidara had actually beat that damned claw-machine game. He stretches his hand outwards, indicating that Sasori take it.

"For me?!" Sasori asks incredulously.

Deidara nods, "Yeah un. I won it for you." He is staring at Sasori with those innocent, adorable blue eyes and Sasori can't handle it any more. He leans forwards and kisses Deidara on the lips, soft and innocent. It's a close-lipped, quick peck, but it sends butterflies erupting in Sasori's stomach nonetheless.

He parts and takes the game from Deidara, holding it like a delicate flower. Deidara is blushing and standing rooted on the spot, totally shocked from the quick encounter of their lips. Sasori is about to say something, apologize for being too brash maybe, but Deidara simply smiles and says, "This isn't a date, right?" His voice is a little sarcastic, hinting at the fact that they both understand one another's feelings at this point.

"Right," Sasori says with a grin before turning away to lead them to another game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo hoo! It took 7 chapters, but they finally kissed! :) Thanks for reading!


	8. A Secret Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara still can't believe Sasori kissed him! But will he get more time with his favorite redhead? Or is this a one-time event?

Fireworks were still exploding inside Deidara. Sasori kissed him. Sasori actually kissed him!

The rest of their 'not-date' was a blur, Deidara's head was spinning and he felt flushed and heated that entire afternoon. Who knew one simple kiss could make a man feel like this! Deidara is desperate for more, wanting and craving any skin on skin contact with the redhead.

Deidara rambled on and on about nothing while Sasori drove him home that evening. He didn't want their time together to end, but he was afraid to ask if they were going to hang out more in the future. He didn't know what to expect from Sasori. Sasori had closed up again after the kiss, acting a little strange and pretending like it didn't happen. Sure, he smiled some and laughed a little when they played more games, but Deidara could sense that something was off. Did Sasori regret kissing him?

Sasori pulls his car up in front of Deidara's dorm building, and Deidara stares at Sasori, not sure what to say. He wants to address the elephant in the room (well, car to be exact), but he isn't sure how Sasori will take it. Sasori's mood seems to sway so easily one way or another, and Deidara doesn't want to push the wrong buttons. He's still learning about this redheaded mystery of a man.

Sasori looks back at Deidara, and Deidara waits for Sasori to speak up. "You look worried…didn't you have fun?" Sasori finally asks him.

"Yes of course un!"

"Then why the long face?"

"Because it's over," Deidara explains, not hiding another pout.

Sasori blinks once and then lets a wide smile form, "You are too damn cute." Deidara's cheeks grow warm, he didn't expect Sasori to say that at all. It seems Sasori is full of surprises today.

"I'd like to take you on a real date Deidara," Sasori admits, his own cheeks flaring.

Deidara's heart leaps forward, "I would love that! Hm!"

Sasori chuckles a little, "Great. Let's say this Friday then?" Deidara nods, trying not to seem overly eager. Sasori then adds, "Oh, and this will be our little secret."

"Secret?" Deidara is confused.

"Well, not many people know that I'm gay," Sasori admits before biting his lower lip. The look on his face is so precious, Deidara wants to hug him close to his chest and soothe him with sweet kisses. But he holds back his instincts, knowing that Sasori would probably push him away if he tried anything bold like that.

"You have to tell them someday, hm," is what Deidara ends up saying instead.

"Yeah, I know. But I want to go about this the right way. Not even my own grandmother knows. I hope you understand." Sasori says, lowering his face.

Deidara grabs Sasori's face in his hand and turns him so that he's staring straight at Deidara. His brown orbs are huge with mingled fear and desire. Deidara knows that look. He's felt it before. "I understand completely," Deidara tells Sasori.

Sasori reaches his hand up slowly to caress Deidara's hand on his face. Deidara lets Sasori grip his hand tightly and then bring their hands down to his lap. Sasori stares at their entwined fingers, brushing his thumb against Deidara's palm for a moment. Sparks fly up Deidara's nerve endings, and it takes all his will not to jump Sasori and lavish his entire body with kisses. He's never felt urges this powerful for someone before.

"Thanks Deidara," Sasori says while looking back up at him. Deidara's heartbeat quickens each time his name passes forth through Sasori's lips. "I think you'd better get back to your dorm."

"Oh, yeah, right un," Deidara replies, although he doesn't want to leave Sasori's car just yet. Sasori is still holding Deidara's hand tightly, and Deidara's eyes are resting on Sasori's lips. He watches as the corners curve up slightly, as though he's figured out Deidara's intentions. Then Sasori and Deidara are leaning in towards each other, both with one thought on their mind.

Their lips gently brush together, tentatively at first. The feeling is electric. Deidara pushes himself forward, and their lips are fully bound and locked, warm in all the right places. Their mouths are moving together in a searing kiss, yearning to keep tasting each other. Deidara pushes his tongue through hesitantly, and Sasori parts his lips halfway, granting entrance. The kiss becomes more frantic, all-encompassing and slick with their tongues intertwining together. The heat of it all sends Deidara's head spinning and his skin is hot and desperate, pleading for more.

Before anything else can happen, Sasori pulls away, his breathing fast and labored. Deidara breathes him in, never letting his eyes stray from the beautiful mess before him. Sasori's hair is slightly ruffled, his cheeks are hot and his eyes are dilated. The sight turns Deidara on immensely, sending a shiver up his spine. They both pant for a few seconds, grinning like fools.

"Wow un," Deidara breathes.

"Yeah," Sasori says, releasing Deidara's hand from his. "And this wasn't even a date."

Deidara laughs at that and finally opens the car door, "If this wasn't a date, I can't wait to find out what happens Friday hm! Bye Sasori!"

…..

Deidara can't stop thinking about Sasori and that kiss. They kissed twice that day, and it left Deidara burning for more. As he lays on his bed, replaying every perfect moment of that day over and over in his head, his fingers slowly move down towards his crotch. Naruto isn't here at the moment…so he has the place to himself for once.

Needing a release, and unable to stop his bodily urges, Deidara begins slowly stroking himself, wishing it was Sasori touching him. He even goes as far as digging out his lube to finger himself from behind, stretching out his hole with two fingers, again fantasizing about Sasori being the one to do this to him. When he comes, it sends stars through his vision, his body shaking and then finally relaxing from a full day of pent-up sexual desire.

After finishing, he quickly strips the messy sheets off his bed to go wash them. It's definitely going to be a long week. Waiting until Friday for his date with Sasori just might kill him.

…..

Kuro implores Deidara once more, "please tell us who this mystery man is!"

"No, un. It's a secret," Deidara reminds her. He probably shouldn't have mentioned his secret date at all, but he had to tell somebody. He felt ready to burst, he needed to share his good news with someone.

"Secrets are no fun," Konan says, not looking up from her nails as she coats them with another layer of orange. It seems like a strange color choice at first, but it actually matches her eyes perfectly. Once again, Deidara is keenly aware of how fabulously gorgeous Konan is, and he's glad that he finally got to know her. She isn't as weird as he originally thought.

"It's not my choice to keep it a secret, the guy I'm going with is still new to this. He came out to me recently. I'm his first real date, un. At least, I think I am?" Deidara second guesses himself. He knows that this is the first time Sasori came out to anyone, but that doesn't mean he hasn't had previous experience with men secretly before…

"You must be special then, if he's deciding to come out of the closet for you," Konan says.

Deidara feels his cheeks redden, "It isn't like that, hm."

"Yeah, Konan's right. You're the lucky first," Kuro says, nudging Deidara in the shoulder. He rolls his eyes at their teasing gestures.

"So does this mean that you're over Sasori now?" Konan asks casually. Deidara's heart skips a beat.

"Huh?"

"Oh c'mon, we all know you had a crush on Sasori," Kuro says, "you were moaning his name that night you were drunk. And you never forgot about that one time he saved your ass from those bullies. You were crushed when you found out he's straight, even though you never told me, I can read you like a book."

Deidara fumbles for words. They're both right on one hand…but he doesn't want to spill the beans about Sasori yet. He promised to keep this quiet.

"Just because I was saying his name doesn't mean anything, hm. I was drunk," Deidara finally says, choosing his words carefully. Kuro gives him a knowing glance, sure that he's lying, but drops the matter and targets Konan instead, asking her about the orange haired man she was talking to the other day. Deidara sighs, feeling like he dodged a bullet.

…..

Friday finally arrives, and Deidara is frantically applying eyeliner and straightening his blonde hair, choosing to wear it down for once. Naruto watches him from their small desk closely, "Why are you straightening your hair? It's already straight, ya know."

"I want it to look extra shiny and nice, un," Deidara replies. Deidara steps back to look at his outfit once more, hoping that he isn't under dressed. He chose his nicest dark-wash jeans and a grey shirt with a teal cardigan. He doesn't know where Sasori is taking him for dinner, which makes it tricky to plan his outfit accordingly.

"You look fine. Are you gonna tell me who this date is?" Naruto asks again, perhaps hoping to catch Deidara off guard this time.

"No. Don't you have anything better to do?" Deidara asks as he goes back to applying eyeliner.

Naruto shrugs, "Sasuke has some stupid project to do, so he's been in the library all day practically. I'm bored."

"Then go bother him in the library, un." Deidara says. Deidara's phone buzzes in his pocket, and he opens the screen to see that Sasori is already waiting for him outside. Is it really that time already? "Oh crap, I gotta go!" Deidara yells, putting his make-up down and staring at his image one more time. It'll have to do.

"Yeah, don't want to keep Sasori waiting, do you?" Naruto says slyly as Deidara reaches for the door handle. He stops in his tracks for a split second, not sure if he should deny it at this point or not. He doesn't say anything to Naruto as he leaves their room, and he's sure he can hear Naruto whisper, "I knew it," behind him.


	9. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori takes Deidara out on their first date.

The week seemed to drag on forever for Sasori as he waited (very impatiently) for Friday. Luckily, he had plans to keep himself busy. Not only did Sasori occupy himself with school that week, he also made it a point to finally come out to those closest to him. As much as it pained him, he figured he should call his grandmother first.

It was a Tuesday afternoon when he gave her a call, and her first reaction on the line was "is something wrong Sasori?" He never called her and rarely visited home.

"Hi Granny," Sasori said, feeling a thick lump in his throat. He realized he shouldn't care what she thinks. He already knew that his grandmother is homophobic and closed-minded.

"Sasori, how are you?" the sweetness in her voice faltered with continued worry. So Sasori just spat it out, not really explaining everything to her clearly, just letting the words flow forth like a waterfall. When he was done talking, he waited for what seemed like a full five minutes before she spoke up again, her voice cracking, "You're gay?"

"Yes."

"Hm. I think I always knew." She replied. That almost knocked Sasori out of his chair. "You never brought home a girlfriend, and you were always making those little wooden dolls."

"Just because a guy makes puppets doesn't make him gay," Sasori pointed out. But the conversation was still going better than he expected.

"Well, anyways. You're still my grandson. Just don't let some cute guy get in the way of your studies. You still need to graduate in the spring and get a real job," she reminded him with all seriousness. Sasori was so relieved not to hear a lecture about how he was sinning and going to hell that he nearly cried on the phone. Nearly.

The next person he knew he had to confront was Itachi. He had known him for so long now, and Itachi was nothing but good to him. His best friend deserved to know the truth.

On Wednesday, he cornered Itachi in the living room. Shisui was out studying in the library (a rare occurrence) and Itachi and Sasuke were having some brother bonding time, watching a movie and eating popcorn. Sasori waited impatiently for the movie to finish, and when the credits were rolling, he spoke up. "So Itachi, I have a date this Friday."

"Oh yeah? That's great," Itachi said. Sasuke was still in the room and raised one eyebrow at Sasori. Sasori could sense that Sasuke was about to spill the beans, so he continued.

"Yeah…um, but…it's not with a lady this time," he said rather lamely. The look Sasuke was giving him was enough to make the heat rise up his collar. He wished Sasuke would just leave the room.

"Oh? Are you finally admitting to me that you like men?" Itachi asked, casual as ever. So Sasori's suspicions were right, Itachi knew all along.

"Is it Deidara?" Sasuke piped in, too curious to hold back.

Sasori flinched at their questions, they had figured out so much already. "Uh, yes."

"Yes to what?" Sasuke asked.

"Both. I like men and I'm taking Deidara out. I just thought you should know Itachi," Sasori said.

Itachi gave him a big, genuine smile, "I'm glad Sasori. I think you two will make each other happy."

"Haha I knew it!" Sasuke teased. Itachi glared at his little brother, quieting him with a simple look. Sasori felt the last of his worries flow out of his mind. He finally did it- he finally told everyone who mattered that he's gay. It was surprisingly easy, much easier than he had thought.

Now all he had to do was plan a date for Friday.

….

Sasori's fingers drum against the steering wheel on Friday evening as he waits impatiently for Deidara. What is taking that brat so long? Sasori doesn't like to be kept waiting. He's about to text his date again when he finally sees the blonde emerge from the double doors of the building.

Deidara is looking absolutely flawless. His hair is down, something that Sasori has never seen before, and it's truly amazing how it flows gracefully with the wind. His tight fitting outfit accentuates his figure and once again, Sasori's eyes are drawn to Deidara's supple ass. Deidara flashes a wide grin as he greets Sasori and his blue sapphire eyes twinkle with pure joy.

Sasori's mouth is practically watering at the sight of him. And then he's nearly knocked out by the delicious smell as Deidara wraps his arms around Sasori in a hug, muttering some apology about taking so long to get ready. There's a minty scent from Deidara's breath by his face, Deidara must have eaten an entire box of mints, probably expecting more kisses. Then there's the cinnamon scent of his hair, his soft and absolutely gorgeous, perfect blonde hair. Sasori inhales deeply, holding Deidara tightly in their embrace.

"Um, Sasori?" Deidara finally says. Sasori blinks and realizes how long he's been holding Deidara, his fingers curled in Deidara's locks.

"Oh, sorry," Sasori says, quickly releasing his date and placing his hands back on the wheel. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. He needs to calm himself down. His groin already feels hot, there's a slight bulge in his pants.

"So, where are we going Danna?" Deidara asks before clamping his mouth shut with his hands.

"Danna?" Sasori is intrigued.

"Yeah…uh sorry. Forget that," Deidara says as Sasori pulls the car out of the parking lot and back into the road.

"No, now I'm curious. What does Danna mean?"

Deidara is blushing from head to toe now, and it's completely adorable. "Well, un, I was thinking of nicknames the other day…"

"Nicknames? Why?"

"Well…if you and I, uh, you know…never mind," Deidara can barely look at Sasori, he's squirming in his seat like he's on fire. Sasori finds that he really enjoys teasing Deidara like this. "Danna means master. I thought it would be the best nickname for you un."

"Master huh?" Sasori thinks this over as he drives. At first, he feels a little pang of insult at being Deidara's 'master.' It implies that he's an older, wiser man…but then again, Sasori is an older, wiser man, right? And it seems like Deidara calls him 'Danna' as a term of respect. He decides that he likes it. "Alright brat."

"Hey, are you gonna keep calling me that un?" Deidara asks with a pouted lip.

"If you call me Danna, then that makes me your elder. I get to call you what I want. Besides, you are a brat," Sasori says with a smirk.

"I am not un!" Deidara crosses his arms and looks out the window with a scowl.

Sasori smiles at him, "look how bothered you are, acting like a total brat. It's why I took a liking to you I guess."

"Really Danna?" Deidara asks, letting go of the angry act. Sasori smiles upon hearing that word, Danna. He's really starting to like it.

They arrive at the restaurant, and Deidara blinks with surprise. "What is this place?"

"It's called Masa. I hope you like Japanese cuisine." Sasori says before walking around the car to open the door for Deidara.

Deidara takes his hand as he walks out, "I love Japanese food, hm!"

"Great. This place is the best," Sasori says as they enter the fancy restaurant hand in hand.

They are seated at a secluded table near the back, per Sasori's request when he made the reservation. He doesn't want to deal with the trouble of listening to others' conversations, or having other people eavesdrop on them. He wants tonight to be just him and Deidara, special and romantic.

After they order their drinks and food, Deidara begins to chatter away about his week, and Sasori listens intently, his ears perking up when he hears that Deidara has to decide on an art project for his intro to art class.

"I remember that assignment," Sasori says.

"Oh that's right un, you're the same major! What did you do for your assignment?"

"No copying me brat," Sasori warns jokingly. "I created a functional jewelry box, one with intricate detail and plenty of practical space for that batty old teacher to put her jewelry in. She loved it. And the best part is that it will last forever, a true piece of art."

Sasori still feels proud of that assignment, it was during that assignment that he realized his love for woodwork. But Deidara's wears a confused, almost disgusted look on his face. Sasori furrows his brows, "What?"

"I guess you and I have different views of art, un."

"Well, what kind of art are you interested in?" Sasori asks, shocked to hear that Deidara's opinion could really be that different.

"The art of a single moment. Art that is fleeting, just a moment in time. That's the art that I'm interested in, hm," Deidara's eyes shine with passion as he speaks about his art.

Sasori is perplexed, "What the hell does that even mean? Art is supposed to be eternal, art lasts a lifetime so that everyone can gaze upon its beauty."

"True art is ephemeral un. Like a firework, or a precious flower. Both are beautiful for an instant, and then they wither and die," Deidara says.

"That's a pretty morbid view of art," Sasori tells him.

"No Danna, you don't get it! Art is like…art is like an explosion! Even though it doesn't last a lifetime, people will remember it forever!" Deidara says, raising his voice a little. It seems this is one thing the two of them will never agree on.

Sasori tries not to let his own temper rise, but he simply can't respect Deidara's view of art, "That's absolutely ridiculous. How are you even going to make a piece of art that's transitory for the teacher to grade?"

"I-I haven't figured that out yet," Deidara says, stumped on that one.

Sasori smirks at him, "Listen to your Danna. Art is eternal." Deidara crosses his arms and glowers again, and Sasori can't help but find it cute. Making Deidara riled up is becoming a new hobby of his.

He reaches across the table and extricates one of Deidara's hands, holding it firmly in his own. Deidara looks surprised, and his anger is forgotten. "We'll just agree to disagree I suppose," Sasori tells him as he rubs his thumb over Deidara's smooth hand. His body is itching to touch the rest of the blonde, but he's in public, so this is the best he can do here.

The food arrives and the two forget their argument as they devour their meals ravenously. When they finish, they are both too full to order dessert. But Sasori doesn't want the date to end yet, so he suggests that they go somewhere else.

"Where do you have in mind, hm?" Deidara asks.

"Well, there is one place I have in mind, but I hope you won't think I'm creepy for taking you there," Sasori says, thinking aloud.

"Creepy? What kind of place are you thinking un?"

"It's a secluded hillside, I go there sometimes for inspiration for my art. It's always peaceful and quiet. I've never shared it with anyone before," Sasori says as they head out the door into the crisp night breeze.

"That sounds amazing un. Why would you think it's creepy?" Deidara is laughing at him, and Sasori reddens, feeling mad for his slip of the tongue earlier.

"Well…it would be a good place for me to seduce you, with no one else around. But that's not my intention," Sasori says quickly, waving his hands to emphasize that he's being honest. He doesn't want to do anything dirty with Deidara…yet. He wants this to be a romantic evening, and he doesn't want to pressure Deidara to do anything he doesn't want.

Deidara blushes as he realizes Sasori's meaning. "Well, it wouldn't be so bad if you did seduce me there, un," he says tantalizingly as he slides into the passenger seat of the car. Sasori gulps and tries his best to calm the ever present bulge in his pants again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, a little tease for the next chapter-- it will contain smut! ;) Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading!


	10. Seduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Deidara lay together atop a hill.

Deidara didn't realize this hill would be so steep, he has to practically crawl on all fours to climb the top with Sasori. Jeez, how is Sasori so nimble hm? He ponders to himself as he watches the redhead scale up the hill dexterously. No wonder no one ever finds him here, the place isn't exactly easy to get to.

By the time Deidara finally catches up with Sasori, he's out of breath and feeling self-conscious about himself. Is he really that out of shape? And worse, does he smell sweaty now? Deidara lays down in the grass, feeling humiliated. So much for being seduced, there's no way Sasori's going to want to touch a sweaty, out of shape freshman heaving for his breath at the top of this blasted hill.

But Sasori merely chuckles at him, "I've had a lot of practice climbing up this hill. I forgot how tricky it was the first time, sorry Deidara."

"Hm," Deidara says, still breathing hard. He then asks, "How the hell did you find this place? And what on earth compelled you to climb it?"

Sasori laughs again and lays next to Deidara, and Deidara is very aware of how close Sasori is. He can smell him, feel the brush of his fingers against his own; Sasori is so close he can nearly taste him. An involuntary shudder runs up his spine.

"I was feeling a little down once, so I went for a walk to clear my mind. I saw this hill and thought it looked nice, so I tried to climb it. Once I started, I realized how tricky it was, but I kept going…I guess I wanted to feel accomplished. Reaching the top made me feel a lot better," Sasori explains. Deidara watches Sasori's expression, noting his dreamy gaze and his wistful smile. He looks calm, completely at ease. It's a look that Deidara has not seen on Sasori before now, and he likes it very much.

His fingers crawl over to Sasori's, silently asking to hold his hand. Sasori complies, their fingers lacing together like pieces of a puzzle. "Why were you feeling down that day?" Deidara asks tentatively. He can gradually feel Sasori opening up to him, placing his trust in him. He wants to uncover another layer of the man beside him.

Sasori turns his head and gives Deidara a sad smile, "I was feeling lonely." It's an honest reply, one that comes from deep within Sasori. Deidara knows this, and truly feels for him.

"You don't have to feel lonely anymore, un," Deidara says, letting his head rest on Sasori's shoulder. Sasori welcomes Deidara's presence, gently patting Deidara's head and weaving his fingers through his blonde hair.

Deidara finally understands why this hill is so important to Sasori, it is truly lovely up here. He can see more stars in the sky than usual, and it's quiet, much quieter than the city or on campus. He listens to Sasori's even breaths for a while, and then squeezes Sasori's hand and nudges his body closer to the redhead.

Then Deidara decides to do something a little more daring, as his body is once again longing to connect with Sasori, to hold him, kiss him, and lavish him with pleasure. He wraps one leg over Sasori's waist, and then props his shoulder up in the grass, head resting in his hand so he can get a better view of his Danna. The fingers of his other hand start teasing Sasori, dancing around his chest and then stroking his chin and lips. Sasori is stunned silent, totally still with trepidation. But Deidara can feel Sasori's quickened pulse and can see the desire in his eyes. Sasori wants this just as bad as he does.

"I'm here to keep you company," Deidara whispers before leaning down over Sasori's face. His lips brush over Sasori's, barely touching, taunting him.

Sasori finally snaps out of his frozen state, and moves so quickly he takes Deidara's breath away. He wraps both arms around Deidara in one swift movement and pushes Deidara's head down, mashing their lips together. Deidara closes his eyes as he kisses Sasori, his soft, cushiony lips parting beneath his. He tastes gorgeous, like honey, and Deidara wants to drink forever. His tongue is wet and silky as it tentatively brushes against Deidara's.

Sasori's hands are both full of Deidara's hair, messing up his careful preparation. He doesn't care though, because he can hear these tiny little moans escaping from Sasori's lips, and he can feel Sasori breathing him in and tasting him fervently. Deidara pushes his body into Sasori's, their legs molding together and their lips crushing, deepening their kiss. He could kiss Sasori for eternity, if it was possible.

A tight noise of want emits from Sasori's throat and Deidara feels his member get stiffer, desperately needing a release. Sasori then swings his body forward, still holding Deidara like a doll, and lays him down gently on the grass so that Deidara is now on the bottom and Sasori is on top of him. "Perfect," Sasori croons, looking down at Deidara with adoring eyes. Deidara blushes under Sasori's intense stare.

Sasori swipes his thumb over Deidara's slightly parted lips and then traces down Deidara's chest, not stopping until he reaches Deidara's belt. Deidara gulps, and he wants nothing more than for Sasori to devour him. To let loose. To ravage him.

But Sasori is taking his time, toying him. His fingers smooth over the growing bulge in Deidara's pants, up and down the entire length as he stares longingly into Deidara's eyes. His dark chocolate eyes are piercing into Deidara's, looking deep into his soul and examining all his wants and desires. Deidara is sure that Sasori knows what he wants, and he knows what he's doing, teasing him like this.

Deidara squirms his body under the redhead as Sasori continues to stroke him over his pants. Deidara's skin is hot, nearly feverish with lust. "D-Danna," he moans, never breaking eye contact. He wants Sasori to see the pure lust in his eyes, to know how much he wants his Danna.

Deidara bucks up towards Sasori, letting out a tiny whimper. Sasori places his other hand around Deidara's neck, his thumb mindlessly tracing circles over Deidara's cheek. "You are so hot and bothered brat," he says playfully.

"Danna," Deidara says again. "Please."

Sasori's fingers are now unbuckling Deidara's belt, and unzipping his pants. Deidara notices the slight trembling of the redhead's fingers as he slides Deidara's pants to his ankles. "S-Sasori. Have you done this before?"

Sasori shakes his head, but there's a look of determination in his eyes. He's ready for this. He wants to do this. But he mirrors Deidara's question back to him, "You?"

"No, un," Deidara admits, feeling a little small under Sasori's overbearing presence. Sasori seems to already know what he's doing, even though this is new for him too.

Deidara's erection is standing tall, the only thing covering it now is the thin fabric of his boxers. Sasori looks down at it and grabs it gently. "Is this okay?" he asks. Deidara nods, another moan escaping his lips. He isn't sure how long he can last, but he wants Sasori to touch him, everywhere. "Tell me if I do anything you don't like. I'll stop if you say so," Sasori says as he gently rubs his thumb over the tip that's poking out of the slit in Deidara's boxers.

"I doubt you could do anything I don't like un," Deidara says, nearly gasping as Sasori slowly pulls his boxers down to his ankles. The cool breeze tickles Deidara a little, but Sasori's hands fix that as they wrap around Deidara's length, moving up and down.

"Oh, mmm," Deidara moans again, unable to hide what Sasori's doing to him. Sasori's hands are so large and warm against him, he can barely breathe.

Stars cloud his vision and he arches his head back, gripped with pure pleasure when Sasori's tongue slides out to taste him. It's good, so good. Deidara groans loudly as Sasori licks up his entire length, wet and warm. It's ecstasy, pure perfection. Then Sasori wraps his mouth over Deidara's cock, taking him in slowly, deliberately. Deidara gasps as his nerves threaten to shatter him.

Everything inside Deidara tightens, he's a bomb that could go off any second. His hips buck up into Sasori's mouth, the feeling is nearly unbearable. Sasori's mouth is so tight, and warm and Deidara can feel his slick tongue working wonders on him. Sasori sucks up and down and hollows his cheeks out, and the pressure builds inside Deidara. He's close, about to burst.

Deidara clenches Sasori's red hair, moaning and pleading. "D-Danna!"

Sasori stops for a moment, holding Deidara's twitching member in his hand and looking at him with dilated eyes. "Tell me how much you want this brat," Sasori purrs, toying with the blonde again, his thumb circling his wet tip. Pre-cum dribbles out and Sasori tastes it with the tip of his tongue, barely touching, teasing Deidara more.

"So-so much hm! Danna please!" Deidara can barely stand it.

"I'll drink you up," Sasori says, his perfect lips wrapping back around Deidara's cock. The complete seduction in Sasori's voice drives Deidara mad. He's never seen the redhead this wild and desperate before, and Deidara loves it. He grips Sasori's hair as Sasori takes him in, deeply and completely.

"Ah! D-Danna!" Deidara is yelling now, a wave of tingling sensations washing over his body. He is sensitive beyond belief now, about to lose his mind.

Deidara's thighs start to shake, his hips buck up once more and then he's thrown over the edge as Sasori groans into him. The vibrations and the sweet wetness of Sasori's mouth send Deidara's head spinning and he's finally lost it. The orgasm slams into Deidara like nothing he's ever experienced before, and he's writhing on the ground, spilling everything into Sasori's mouth, a stifled scream escaping his lips. True to his word, Sasori swallows it all, drinks him until he's got nothing left.

Sasori slowly pulls his head up, and then wipes his chin with the back of his hand. He looks so hot, with his red hair disheveled and that deep, glazed look of lust in his eyes. His lips are red and swollen from sucking so hard on Deidara. Deidara feels totally breathless; just looking at Sasori like this drains all the air from his lungs.

Sasori leans over Deidara's body, touching their foreheads together. "That was so hot," Sasori whispers. Deidara can smell himself on Sasori's breath, and goose-bumps erupt over his entire body. He can feel Sasori's erection prodding into him between his legs.

Deidara looks down and reaches his hand to touch over Sasori's jeans. "Let me repay the favor, un," Deidara says, still breathless. He curves his hand under Sasori's crotch, feeling his erection, and hears a pleasant throaty moan emit from within Sasori. Deidara wants to hear more.

Sasori crawls up over Deidara, stopping when his throbbing bulge is right above Deidara's face. Deidara quickly unzips Sasori's jeans and pulls them down, along with his underwear. The sight that greets him is beautiful. Sasori's cock is fully erect, the tip glistening with pre-cum, tiny red curly hairs framing his balls. Deidara giggles a little, of course Sasori's pubes are red- he shouldn't have expected anything different!

"What?" Sasori asks from on top of him, cheeks flaming.

"I'm excited," Deidara purrs, "You're just so…massive." That shuts Sasori up. Deidara wraps his lips over the tip, a sense of nervous wonder bubbling inside him. But he doesn't need to be worried, Sasori tastes good, and the groan that bursts from his lips makes it all worth it. Deidara pushes his tongue out, circling it around Sasori's tight cock and licking up all of the pre-cum. Sasori is already so hard, so turned on just from pleasing Deidara.

Deidara ceases his teasing and slides his mouth over Sasori completely, taking him deep into his throat. The feeling is a little strange, being Deidara's first time. He can feel Sasori's cock pulsing in his mouth, begging for a release. He tightens his lips, gripping the base with one hand and working his way up and down over Sasori. Sasori groans again and rocks his hips forward, pushing himself deeper into Deidara's mouth.

Deidara slides his lips to the end, then strokes along the underside of Sasori's shaft with his tongue. He feels how hot Sasori's skin is, his tongue glides over every vein and rock-hard ridge. Sasori groans again, more animalistic and guttural this time. Deidara has him practically melting at his fingertips. Sasori's thighs are squeezing, and he is panting fast, arms quaking as he holds himself up over Deidara.

Deidara arches his head up so he can look at Sasori. Their eyes meet in a current of lust and primal desire until Deidara puts Sasori in his mouth again, consuming him inch by inch. Sasori slowly succumbs, shaking harder and groaning louder. "Oh shit Deidara. Shit," Sasori cries. His words are intoxicating, and Deidara feels empowered knowing that he has this much control over Sasori. Deidara wants to see Sasori surrender completely.

Sasori's legs stiffen and his body becomes strained, the tension building inside him. He grasps at the grass, totally at Deidara's mercy. Deidara moves his mouth faster, sucking his cheeks tighter around Sasori's length. He decides to test the waters, and reaches his hand up to find Sasori's balls. He cusps them and then tugs lightly. "Fuck!" Sasori yells, "I'm coming!"

Deidara's lips curl into a smile over Sasori's cock. Every muscle in Sasori's body stills as the orgasm hits him. He's panting, rough and ragged, and his cum is shooting into the back of Deidara's throat. It's warm and salty as Deidara swallows it all; Sasori has no problems ingesting him, and Deidara wants to be all in too. He sucks him dry, until Sasori is boneless.

"Oh. Oh fuck Deidara," Sasori rasps, still leaning over him. His arms finally cave in and he topples over Deidara, quickly scooting his body down so they are nose to nose again.

Deidara looks at Sasori, at the man he just pushed over the edge. His eyes are sated, his hair is matted with sweat, sticking against his forehead, and he looks beautiful. He is still gasping for air, it seems that orgasm sent him to the moon and back. Deidara smiles proudly.

"It was good, un?" Deidara asks innocently, already knowing the answer. He wants to hear Sasori say it. He wants Sasori to beg him for more.

"Yes. So fucking good. Damn," Sasori admits before kissing the bridge of Deidara's nose. He then presses his nose against Deidara's, their lips brushing, only a hair's breadth away.

And then they are kissing again, this time softer and gentler than before. Sasori takes his time with planting sweet kisses over Deidara, on his forehead, cheeks, and then back to his lips. He parts and looks down at Deidara, tucking a blonde strand behind Deidara's ear. "You are amazing," Sasori tells him. Deidara's insides squirm with something he hasn't felt before, a strange new emotion. He's immensely happy, feeling like a million bucks at Sasori's words.

"You're pretty amazing yourself, un," Deidara says, tilting forward to capture Sasori's lips in another kiss.

"And here I was trying not to do anything dirty with you…but you're too damn sexy for your own good brat. I had wanted to take things slow," Sasori says.

Deidara chuckles, "I don't take any offense, hm. I'm happy we did that."

"Me too. I was having a hard time with my self control around you," Sasori admits.

Deidara smiles, "Really? How long have you wanted to do that hm?" Deidara wants to know how long Sasori's been holding back, holding in that animal.

"Since the moment I saw you at our party," Sasori says. "You were such a tease."

"Wow," Deidara says, "I guess you have it bad for me, huh?" He's smirking at Sasori now, feeling emboldened that he has this affect on his Danna.

"Hmm, I guess," Sasori replies jokingly. He turns his face to look up at the stars again and Deidara follow suit, noting how many of them light up the sky tonight.

"It's beautiful up here," Deidara breathes. His pants are still by his ankles, so he bends over to scoop them back up over his exposed crotch. Sasori eyes him as he does this, a look of longing on his face. "What?" Deidara asks.

"I was hoping you would stay naked. Well, half-naked. I like looking at you like this," Sasori admits frankly. Deidara's skin grows warm with a deep blush, and he's rendered speechless. Sasori says the most unexpected things sometimes!

But Sasori merely chuckles and pulls up his own pants, and Deidara now understands a little how Sasori feels. A twinge of disappointment resides inside him as Sasori zips his pants up. He wonders when he will see Sasori naked again. He only got a taste today, only half of the prize. Now that he knows what it's like, he wants more.

"It's pretty late, I should probably get you home soon," Sasori says, looking at the time on his phone.

"No un," Deidara protests. He wants to lay in Sasori's arms forever.

Sasori laughs deeply in his chest, "What a brat," he teases. Deidara pouts, but knows that Sasori is only joking with him. He doesn't say anything, refusing to give Sasori more fire.

They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before they decide that they really should get back. Sasori helps Deidara walk down the hill, although the trip down is much easier than the trek up. Deidara chats non-stop with Sasori on the car ride home, eager to share all his thoughts and dreams with this wonderful man.

They pull up to Deidara's dorm building, and his heart drops. Again, he doesn't want to leave Sasori. He turns to look at the redhead with big puppy-dog eyes. Sasori smiles sweetly at him, "It was a lovely evening. I'm glad I took you out. Even if you do have a ridiculous view of art."

"Hey," Deidara protests, "my view on art is not ridiculous." He narrows his eyes at Sasori, not wanting to leave his car after a petty argument. But Sasori is still smiling, seeming to enjoy watching Deidara get angry. So Deidara relaxes his shoulders, dropping the matter, and says, "I had fun too un. Thank you so much for taking me out." He bites his lip, not sure if he should ask his next question.

"What is it?" Sasori asks him, clearly aware that Deidara has something else on his mind.

"Um…when can I see you again un?" He's afraid that this is an isolated event, that Sasori is merely using him to gain experience and ease into the vast gay community. But Sasori wouldn't do that, would he?

"Tomorrow?" Sasori asks him back. Deidara is elated, his smile shines bright.

"Yes un!"

"Then tomorrow it is. We can commence our second date. I'll text you in the morning," Sasori assures him, voice smooth and comforting. Deidara feels his heart melting into a puddle, he's falling fast over this man. He kisses Sasori on the lips and then makes his goodbye, waving at Sasori like an excited child before Sasori finally drives off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the little lemon! :) Thanks for reading and commenting


	11. Officially Stressed Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori and Deidara become an official couple, but Sasori is bogged down by the weight of school, stress, and anxiety.

Sasori's head is spinning, and his insides are burning with all kinds of emotions. He's elated. Scared. Excited. Happy.

He makes a beeline for his room when he gets home, he needs a moment alone to replay everything that happened on their first date. He can't believe the turn of events. He was so nervous to pleasure Deidara like that, but somehow, he knew exactly what to do. And tasting Deidara…wow. It was definitely different than the times he was with women. It was in another league, a step above, pure heaven.

And when Deidara returned the favor…that had been absolutely amazing. No one had ever touched Sasori like that before, with such care and attention to every detail. Deidara knew which buttons to press, how to turn him on, how to make him succumb to all his primal senses and turn him into a beast. Sasori was totally powerless to Deidara's touch, his absolute sex appeal.

Sasori takes a deep breath, trying to calm his heightened nerves. He gazes up at the ceiling, his body still feeling slightly numb from everything that happened. He had wanted to wait, wanted to take things slow with the blonde, but everything happened so fast…he didn't regret it, but he had this churning feeling in his stomach that Deidara might think he's a perverted upper classman who's only in this for the sex. Sasori doesn't want Deidara to think that about him. His mind is swimming with questions.

He hears a knock on his door and groans.

Itachi opens it slightly, "Hey there. How did it go tonight?" Sasori is surprised by Itachi's inquisitions. He's usually good about keeping to himself, and not asking too many personal questions.

"It was good," Sasori says. What he should've said was 'it was the best fucking night of my life,' but he doesn't know if he should be that candid about it right now. He's still in disbelief at how amazing Deidara is.

"I'm glad," a relieved smile forms on Itachi's lips. It seems he was just curious about Sasori's date, and probably confused when Sasori went straight to his room without a word. But it isn't like Sasori to gush and talk about his romantic side with anyone.

Itachi is about to step out when the door is pushed open completely by a frantic Shisui, who looks slightly deranged. "Did you guys fuck? How was your first gay date? Why didn't you ever tell me you were gay?!"

Sasori rolls his eyes at the pestering questions. He doesn't bother to answer a single one of them and Shisui looks slightly maddened, "Sasori c'mon! Can you at least tell me if you guys kissed?!"

"No," Sasori states simply.

"You didn't kiss him? What's wrong with you?" Shisui is beside himself with bewilderment.

"No, I won't tell you if I kissed him or not. That's between Deidara and myself," Sasori clarifies.

"Ha! So you did kiss him! Oh man that's rich! Who would have ever thought it?!" Shisui is in his usual teasing mode, and as always, Itachi is not amused. He pushes his boyfriend out of the way, murmuring something like 'is now really the time?'

….

The next morning, Sasori wakes up to the blaring noise of his cell phone ringing. Who the hell could be calling him? He glances at the clock, it's already 10am, he rarely sleeps in this late. Groggily, Sasori opens his eyes to see who is calling him. His heart leaps to his throat when he sees it's Deidara. The impatient brat!

"Hello," Sasori answers right before it goes to voicemail.

"Hey Danna. I didn't think you were gonna pick up. Did I wake you un?"

Sasori clears his throat, trying not to sound too sleepy, "It's okay."

"Sorry hm. I just um. About tonight…" Deidara's voice trails off slightly, and Sasori feels dread pool in his stomach. Did Deidara change his mind? Already?

"What is it?" Sasori asks, trying to sound calm.

"I already promised Konan and Kuro that I would do a movie night with them. I completely forgot hm. I'm an idiot."

"So, you don't want to see me today?" Sasori's insides drop lower, if it's possible.

"No un! I do! I want you to come!" Deidara squeals.

"Come watch a movie with your friends?" Sasori asks.

"Yeah…I know you aren't out to them yet…but we can say we're just friends if you want hm. I just want to see you," Deidara suggests.

"Okay…" Sasori says, "Won't they find it weird that you're inviting me?"

"No, they both already assume I have a big crush on you," Deidara says. Sasori can practically feel the blush emanating from Deidara over the phone. He smirks to himself.

"Oh is that so? Do you have a crush on me brat?" Sasori chides.

"Danna!" Deidara yells back, and Sasori feels his insides dance happily at his new nickname again. He gets off the phone with Deidara soon afterwards, after figuring out the time and location for the movie night. So tonight would be another 'secret date' amongst Deidara's friends. Sasori hadn't told Deidara that he came out to his own friends and family yet, he was planning on telling Deidara in person tonight. But perhaps he could use this opportunity to tease the blonde one more time. A wide smirk formed over the redhead's lips.

…..

Sasori arrives at Kuro's dorm later that evening, cradling a bottle of wine. It feels a little strange, walking up to a campus dormitory; the nostalgia of five years ago hits him. He lived on campus as a freshman too, and he remembers all too well the adventures, mistakes, and worries of that year.

Deidara answers the door with a bright smile. "D- I mean, Sasori! You brought wine, thanks hm!" Sasori smiles to the girls as he walks in, he remembers them clearly from the night he carried Deidara to their car.

"I'm surprised you wanted to come watch a movie with us," Konan states bluntly.

Sasori shrugs, "I had nothing better to do tonight." He glances over at Deidara longingly, who is uncorking the wine and looking excited.

"I hope you like romantic comedies," Kuro says, "Deidara is a bit mushy about these kinds of movies."

That makes Deidara pipe up defensively, "I am not the mushy type hm!" Kuro and Konan laugh at him, and Sasori joins in too. Deidara's friends seem to like teasing him just as much as Sasori does, and Sasori thinks he's going to get along just fine with Kuro and Konan.

Kuro and Konan take seats on the couch, and the only other chair in the room is a single-seat recliner. Sasori eyes the recliner, it's meant for one person, but it's just big enough for himself and Deidara to squeeze in together…

"Oh Sasori, you can take that chair, it's the comfiest one hm. I don't mind sitting on the floor," Deidara says, popping a squat on the floor by the recliner. Sasori watches him curiously and then shrugs, taking the comfortable recliner.

The movie starts, and Sasori can already tell it's not his taste. He's more into horror films, or sci-fi types. He leans back in the comfy chair, pondering what it would be like to have Deidara cuddled up next to him. Deidara has been avoiding contact with him so far, certain that Sasori wants to keep his secret about his sexuality from his friends. In a way, it's sweet that Deidara is willing to keep things secret for him, to allow Sasori to take his time with coming out. Sasori appreciates this, but is also annoyed that he can't curl up next to his favorite blonde.

So instead, he begins to nudge Deidara with his foot. Deidara is shocked at first, a small 'eek' escapes from his lips when Sasori does it somewhere in the first half of the movie. Deidara has already downed two glasses of wine, and Sasori can see that his ears are already reddened from the alcohol. He nudges his foot against Deidara's shoulder again, rubbing as sensually as he can. He's never played 'footsie' with someone's neck and shoulder before.

Deidara responds by moving closer to Sasori, leaning his head back against Sasori's leg. Kuro and Konan are too engrossed in the movie to notice this slight movement. The main character is going through the 'heartache' stage of the movie, and she's crying her eyes out to her best friend. Typical, and very cliché. Sasori doesn't care for this scene at all.

Sasori leans forward, slowly and carefully, and whispers into Deidara's ear, "why don't you sit up here with me? You'll be more comfortable brat."

Deidara panics again, nearly spitting out his mouthful of wine. He swallows it down, choking a little and causing Kuro and Konan's attention to snap to him. "What's your problem?" Kuro asks harshly.

"Do you need some water?" Konan asks gently.

"I-I'm alright," Deidara manages to say after taking another hefty sip of his wine. "Just a little uncomfortable maybe un…"

"Then sit on the couch," Kuro says, not taking her eyes off the screen. For someone with a harsh façade, she sure seems to be the 'mushy' type underneath.

Deidara stares up at Sasori, a look of utter puzzlement in his blue eyes. Sasori loves this, embraces the feeling of teasing the brat. He scoots over, making a small gap on the recliner, "Sit here," Sasori offers, not caring that Konan and Kuro whip their heads to Sasori so fast he thought they might be in danger of snapping their necks.

Deidara blushes and crawls next to Sasori, careful again not to touch him. Sasori smirks, he can practically feel Deidara's heartbeat quicken and his pulse rise as he scoots next to him. Sasori places an arm around Deidara, and Deidara nearly whimpers with surprise. Kuro and Konan are watching closely, both with mouths slightly parted and eyes dazed.

The movie continues, and Sasori teases Deidara relentlessly. He circles his thumb over Deidara's shoulder, and touches up and down Deidara's leg with his other hand. At one point, he even places a soft kiss at the nape of Deidara's neck when the girls are engrossed in some love scene on the screen. Then, Sasori's hand sneaks farther up Deidara's leg, until he's palming over Deidara's pants, and reaching between his legs, feeling the unmistakable heat of sexual lust. Deidara shifts, trying to release himself from Sasori's grasp, but he's wedged pretty deep in between the chair's arm and Sasori. Sasori breathes down his neck and then smells his hair, noticing the goose-bumps that rise along the blonde's neck. Deidara is slowly tortured with Sasori's touches and kisses, and he's squirming uncontrollably during the movie, losing all interest on the screen. Sasori is proud of his work, proud that he can make the blonde squirm with sexual tension like this.

When the movie is finally over, Deidara is the first to get up and he quickly scrambles into the bathroom. Sasori chuckles and gets up slowly from the recliner, feeling a little turned on himself. Deidara is just too sexy.

Kuro stops Sasori before he can move another inch, "What was that?" she half whispers half yells.

"What?" Sasori feigns innocence.

"Are you his secret date from the other night?" Konan asks him.

Sasori nods, surrendering the truth to them. They squeal with delight as Deidara re-enters the room, a confused look on his face.

"Anyways, thanks for the invite. I should get going. Do you want to walk me to my car Deidara?" Sasori asks. Deidara blushes and nods, ignoring the snickers from Kuro and Konan as they step out of the dorm room together.

Once they are in the hallway, out of earshot form Kuro and Konan's room, Deidara rounds on Sasori. "What the hell Danna! I thought we were keeping this a secret hm!? Now they will definitely know un."

Sasori smirks at him in response, "Yeah. I told them I was your date when you were in the bathroom. What were you doing in there by the way? Did you really have to fap one out after cuddling with me?"

Deidara's face turns into a tomato, "Danna!" He is completely embarrassed, and tries to hide his face in his hands, but Sasori grasps his wrists and pulls them down. He pins Deidara to the wall and then kisses him forcefully. Deidara doesn't resist, he moans loudly as Sasori pushes his tongue through and makes out with him in the deserted hallway.

Sasori pulls back slightly and faces Deidara, noting the flush across his cheeks and the lustful longing in his blue orbs. "D-Danna," Deidara breathes, "are you okay with coming out to them? I thought you were taking things slow un."

"I was going to. I did. It took me nearly 24 years to tell anyone I'm gay. I called my granny last week, and I told Itachi the night before our date. Everyone took the news surprisingly well."

"Really!?" Deidara's eyes widen with shock, "Why didn't you tell me hm?"

"It never really came up last night."

"So…you touching me like that on the couch was…un?" Deidara looks up at Sasori with slight annoyance.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tease you." Sasori admits.

Deidara turns his face away and groans, crossing his arms over his chest. "It wasn't all that fun for me un."

"Sure it was. I saw how hot and bothered I made you," Sasori purrs before burying his nose in Deidara's hair. He smells so good, and feels so warm up against the wall here…

Deidara moans, and Sasori pushes into Deidara more, planting sloppy kisses along his neck and collarbone. But he releases the brat from his grasp quickly after. They can't do this here, this is a public place and Sasori doesn't want to lose his control in the hallway of a dormitory.

"You are such a tease Danna," Deidara complains. "Do you really have to go un?"

"I should get back yeah," Sasori says, walking away from Deidara. Deidara remains pinned to the wall, still and silent. Sasori turns around before rounding the corner to the stairway, a crazy spontaneous idea stopped him in his tracks. "Hey Deidara?"

"Yeah un?" Deidara asks from his position on the wall.

Sasori can't hold it in anymore, he has to ask. Maybe it's selfish, they've only been on 2 real dates, but he wants Deidara all to himself. He doesn't want Deidara to date around with any other guys. So he needs to ask because he needs to know the answer. "Um…I don't know how to put this…but, are you and I exclusive?"

"Hm?" Deidara is stunned at first, but then says, "Yeah, of course! I don't want to be with anyone else." Sasori's heart does a back flip at his words.

"Good," he says.

"Wait, are you asking me to be official hm? Are you my boyfriend?" Deidara pulls forward from the wall and comes sprinting down the hallway to where Sasori stands, lingering.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Sasori admits. Deidara smiles brightly and grabs Sasori's face with both of his hands and then pulls him in for a kiss.

Sasori's insides are bursting as butterflies dance all over, lighting up areas that he didn't even know existed. He has a boyfriend, a real boyfriend to call his own. He would never have thought in a million years that the bloody-faced middle school boy from his childhood would be kissing him here like this, as though he was handing over his heart on a silver platter.

The two part ways after kissing for a minute or two, Sasori didn't want to risk having anyone walk in on them. He tries to avoid awkward or embarrassing situations at all costs. Once he's back to his car, lips still tingling from Deidara's kiss, he blasts the air conditioner to try to cool down his heated arousal. Everything is happening fast, so fast he can barely keep up. But for the first time in a long time, Sasori is truly happy.

…..

Well, the happiness carried him through the weekend, but Monday arrives with a cold dose of reality to his face. He has several new projects and assignments thrown into his lap and his grandmother gives him a rare phone call, nagging him about getting a job.

"Granny, I'll be graduating next Spring and then I'll get my career started, I don't need a part time job," Sasori tells her, annoyed that she brought up the prospect of a part-time job once again.

"You need to start making money now, your student loans aren't cheap. Once you graduate, you need some money to start out with. I can't be expected to help you out with everything can I?" his grandmother nags on the other end of the line.

Sasori ponders this for a moment, realizing that maybe she has a point. Besides, he doesn't want to go back to living at home with her after school and he certainly doesn't want to be dependent on that old bat. Groaning and accepting reality, Sasori agrees to look for a job.

But the problem is, he's so bogged down with school work he wonders when he'll ever have time to start his job search. The middle of the semester is already approaching, and that means mid-terms are looming ahead. As an art major, that puts a lot of stress on Sasori to finish his projects and hand something in decent for each class in order to pass.

To add to all this stress, Sasori has to attend a mandatory meeting with his advisor, and that only brings about more worries for his impending future beyond college. His advisor is a nice lady named Kurenai, who has soft red eyes and curly brown locks. But she's still stern and blunt about his options for his career, which he now realizes are slim.

"As an art major, there are really only a few paths you can take. Have you decided what you'd like to do? It seems that your focus is on woodwork," she says.

"Yes, I'm good at crafting with my hands," Sasori tells her, looking down at his hands and wondering who the hell would want to even buy crafted woodwork in this day and age.

"Well, you could work at an art shop, teaching classes on woodwork. Art shops with classes are becoming more popular these days, and not many can do woodwork like you, most teachers are painters." Kurenai suggests.

Sasori makes a sour face, "teaching? That's not really my thing."

"Really? I think you'd be a great teacher. Well then, you could always try to sell your work at art galleries, but that's more of a gamble, you would need the connections." Kurenai lists a couple of other options for art majors, and Sasori realizes that he never really put serious thought into what he wanted to do after school. He always thought about things in the moment, never stopped to imagine the next few steps ahead. Was that his problem in life? He doesn't know what step to take next, and that worries him. What will he do? Where will he go? The unanswered questions pile up, and he soon feels sick, electing to end his advisory meeting a few minutes short so he can walk out and get some fresh air.

Once outside, the dread looms over him like a thunder cloud, and his anxiety threatens to overcome him. Sasori always knew he was an anxious person, but he never wanted to get help for it. He's too stubborn to ask for help. But his world feels like it's being pulled apart by a thread now, and unraveling quicker and quicker every second.

He isn't sure who to talk to. He probably should march back into the building and talk to his advisor, Kurenai seems like a nice enough lady to refer him to a therapist that he could talk to…but that would probably require money, and he doesn't want to ask his grandmother for therapy money, the thought alone brings on more anxiety. He could talk to Deidara…but he doesn't know if Deidara would understand. Deidara is a bit naïve, and still slap-happy in the wake of their first week of being 'official.' Sasori is afraid he'll lose him if he starts to reveal his inner demons to him so suddenly. He probably should've taken things slower with Deidara, he realizes this, and the surmounting anxiety crushes him. Nothing is ever the way it seems for Sasori, he may appear to have a cool, composed demeanor, but deep down he's in turmoil at all times.

His hands are shaking, and he is sweating uncontrollably now, despite the fact that it's the middle of October, and quite nice outside. He runs his fingers through his hair a few time, trying to take deep breaths to relax. Nothing is working.

He sits down on a bench and watches as students walk across his vision, and this starts to comfort him a little. It's distracting him from his own thoughts, as he wonders what other people are thinking. Some walk fast, struggling to get to their class on time, and others walk slowly, chatting comfortably with others and laughing amicably. Sasori feels like a sinking ship, the only thing keeping him afloat is Deidara. He imagines a world where he and Deidara have no classes, no work, no worries at all. They could just walk in the sun and enjoy each other's company without a care in the world. He smiles to himself and takes out his phone, intent to call Deidara and hear his voice, to see how his blonde boyfriend is doing.


	12. Staying over with Sasori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara is nervous to stay at Sasori's place, he isn't sure if he's ready to go all the way yet.

Deidara and Sasori have been texting all week long, although Deidara was bummed when he heard that Sasori was having a busy week and couldn't find time to see him. So when he receives a phone call from Sasori on Friday afternoon, he answers it with his heart leaping up to his throat. "Hello Danna!" he greets excitedly.

"Hey there," Sasori says. Deidara frowns, he can immediately tell that something is wrong. Sasori sounds different, as though his voice is hollow and distant.

Deidara is currently in his dorm room with Naruto, and he steps out into the hallway quickly for some privacy, lowering his voice, "are you okay un?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Sasori asks back, a bit defensively.

"You just sound…a little sad," Deidara says, trying to be gentle with his words.

"I'm okay, really. I just miss you," Sasori replies.

"I miss you too. A week apart is too much hm!"

"I told you I was really busy this week brat," Sasori says, and the light has returned to his voice a little.

"I know un, but it still felt like a long week without you. How was your week?" Deidara asks him.

"Pretty exhausting, and annoying if you want to know the truth. Um, can I see you soon? Now maybe?" Sasori asks, and Deidara senses a hint of pleading in his voice.

"Yeah! I just finished the last of my homework, so I'm free hm!" Deidara says, a little too excited maybe.

…

Thirty minutes later, Sasori is at Deidara's door. Deidara hears him knock impatiently again and he quickly opens it, although he isn't quite ready yet. He doesn't know where they are going, or what they are going to do, which makes it hard to plan the perfect outfit. He braided his long blonde hair, a new look he's trying out. He's wearing dark wash jeans, vans, and a purple tank top, and he gestures to his outfit, "is this okay un?"

Before Sasori can say anything, Naruto responds in the back, "I'm sure Sasori doesn't care what the hell you wear."

Deidara turns and glares at his roommate. He and Naruto get along just fine, with the exception of their fashion sense. Naruto could care less what he wears at any given moment, but Deidara has a bit more pride in his style. He wants to look his best for Sasori especially.

"You look fine," Sasori says, chuckling a little to himself at Naruto's comment.

"Hey, if the two of you are gonna be gone late tonight, do you mind if Sasuke comes over?" Naruto asks bluntly, out of the blue. Deidara turns to him, glaring again.

"Um, what the hell are you and Sasuke going to do while I'm gone un? I don't want to walk in on you guys doing anything weird," Deidara says. "Especially not on my bed."

"I have my own bed for that," Naruto says, gesturing to the top bunk. Deidara wiggles his nose at the thought of trying to cram two grown men into that tiny top bunk…he hopes to heaven they don't break the bunk. "How late are you guys gonna be out anyways?" Naruto asks Sasori.

Deidara looks questioningly at Sasori, wondering the same thing. Sasori shrugs, "well, you could stay the night at my place Dei, that way Sasuke and Naruto can have this little dump to themselves."

Deidara immediately blushes and wants to bury his face somewhere. Stay at Sasori's place?! Of course he wants to! But he isn't sure yet if he wants to…do that. He's still a virgin after all. And did Sasori just call him Dei!? He's never heard Sasori use that pet name with him before, and he's feeling himself get hot in very uncomfortable places at the moment.

"Yeah do that ya know! That'd be great. Every time I'm over at your place, Shisui interferes with anything Sasuke and I try to do…" Naruto says.

"Shisui likes to tease, but I won't let him bother Deidara and I. Is that okay with you Deidara?" Sasori asks, finally looking at Deidara's red face.

Deidara nods, trying not to look panicked. He rushes away from the two to grab his toothbrush and a change of clothes for the next day. His heart is hammering in his chest, he's actually going to stay the night at his boyfriend's place!

They leave Deidara's dorm to Naruto, who is all too happy to have the place to himself and Sasuke for the night. Sasori leads Deidara to his car and drives him off, and Deidara's hands are shaking, his throat is dry, and sweat is forming on his brow. He doesn't want to admit that he's this nervous to stay over at his boyfriend's place…

"Deidara!" Sasori screams his name, and Deidara's eyes snap open to stare at the redhead with a confused look. Why did he just yell? "Are you okay?" Sasori asks, looking concerned.

"I'm fine, why un?"

"I've asked you about 5 times what you want to do today, and you've just been sitting there not making a sound. Are you sure you're alright?" Sasori eyes him carefully.

Deidara blushes but waves his hand like it's no big deal, "I'm fine, hm sorry! I was just spacing out I guess."

"Well, you had me worried. So anyways, where should we go?" Sasori asks again.

"It's a nice day out, can we go to the park un?" Deidara asks. Maybe some fresh air and sun will calm him down. He still isn't sure why he's so nervous…he's done intimate things with Sasori before…so sex should be easy right?

"Sure," Sasori says, turning the car in the direction of the public park.

…

They arrive a few minutes later and decide to walk around the lake in the middle of the park, watching the children feeding the ducks and various other people walking their dogs. Deidara tries to hold Sasori's hand, but Sasori mumbles something to him about being uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Deidara scowls, wasn't he the one who kissed him at the arcade just a few weeks ago?

"Don't look so put out," Sasori says, slowing his pace to keep up with Deidara.

Deidara has his arms crossed, "all I wanted to do was hold your hand un. Is that really such a big deal?"

"For some people it is," Sasori says, nodding his head in the direction of a few old ladies sitting on a bench.

"You assume because they are old they're going to be homophobic?" Deidara asks him.

"Well yeah. My experience with old women isn't that great," Sasori explains.

"Your grandma?" Deidara remembers him mentioning coming out to his granny.

"Yeah, she's pretty closed-minded. She says she's okay with me being gay…but I know deep down she's disappointed in me. She still doesn't like the fact that I chose to be an art major," Sasori admits, looking a little disgruntled.

"My parents feel the same way about my career choice too un," Deidara says, "I want to be a great artist, I want the world to know about my fleeting art hm. My parents think it's a silly idea." Deidara peers over at Sasori to see his reaction. Although they have different views on art, Deidara has come to admire Sasori's passion for his wood-making art, and he hopes that Sasori can respect his artistic passion as well. But the look on Sasori's face right now is hard to read, he almost looks sad.

"Maybe it is silly…" Sasori's voice is barely audible, it fades off into the wind, but Deidara still heard him, and he's shocked.

"What un!? But I thought you wanted to be an artist too?"

Sasori stops walking altogether and sits down on an empty bench, looking out at the lake. Deidara takes a seat next to him, careful to leave some space since Sasori is so concerned about PDA. His heart is beating like a drum, he feels a sudden rage boiling inside him. What was Sasori saying? What was with him today?

"I did want to be a great artist…but as graduation approaches, I'm realizing that there's less opportunities for artists than I had originally thought. I don't know what to do with myself after college," Sasori's voice breaks, and Deidara's anger ebbs away. He knows now why Sasori sounded so broken on the phone earlier. If he's careful, he can prod into the matter and maybe Sasori will vent it all out to him. He can sense that Sasori needs this, he needs someone to talk to.

"Hm, I see," Deidara says, "you still have several months until graduation though."

"But I need to get a part time job before that time, and figure out what the hell I want to do after college, and finish all these damn projects before then!" Sasori suddenly snaps, leaning forward and clenching his fists. "I just feel…like I have no direction in life, nowhere to go…" Sasori buries his face in his hands, wringing his red hair in his fingers.

"Sasori…" Deidara isn't sure what to say, he's never seen Sasori look this distraught.

"I'm sorry Dei…I know you probably just wanted a carefree afternoon with me, and now I've dragged you into…this. I've been thinking about this all week long. I can't seem to stop worrying about all of this…I just don't know what to do," Sasori still has his face hidden in his hands. Deidara can't tell if he's crying, or if his voice is just creaking from the pent up anxieties.

Deidara pats his back gently and says, "Sasori, you don't have to be so worried un, things will work out."

"How do you know that? You're just starting out, you're still new. You have several years of studies ahead, years to figure out what the next step in life is for you. I wasted my time, taking classes and not really thinking about what to do after school…and now I have no plan. My granny wants me to get a part time job now to start paying off my debt…and my senior workload is crushing me…I have no time to do anything. I can barely pay attention to you, the only good thing in my life right now," Sasori rambles everything out at once, letting his words flow like a gushing waterfall.

Deidara pats his back again, "Just take a deep breath Danna. Everything will be okay. I'll help you."

"Help me?" Sasori chokes out a strangled laugh, "how?"

"Haven't you ever asked anyone for help hm?" Deidara asks back. Jeez, this guy is really independent and stubborn. He wants to do everything on his own, and that's part of his problem.

Sasori sits up and looks at Deidara as if he sprouted a third eye. He blinks twice and says, "How are you gonna help me?"

"You need someone to talk to about all this," Deidara says, pointing to himself, "And I can help you figure out what you want to do after graduating, and with getting a part time job too hm. Have you ever thought of asking the school about work? They offer student teacher assistant positions."

Sasori's eyes widen in realization, "I never thought about that…but it's already the middle of the semester. Besides, I'd be a horrible teacher."

"It's never too late to ask un. And I think you'd be a great teacher!" Deidara tells him honestly.

Sasori chuckles, "You're not the first one to tell me that today."

"Then it must be true un. You need to have some more confidence in yourself Danna!" Deidara scoots closer to him and grabs his hand, but quickly releases it when he remembers that Sasori isn't fond of public affection.

Sasori gives him a smile and reaches his hand out again, grabbing Deidara's firmly, "I guess holding hands isn't that big of a deal," he says, lacing his fingers with Deidara's. Deidara's heart squeezes tight and he gives Sasori a soft smile. "Thanks Deidara."

….

The two spend the next couple hours chatting in the park, walking around, feeding the ducks, and enjoying their time together without worrying about anything else. Deidara can see that Sasori feels much better, that a weight has been lifted from his chest. However, there's still a sliver of something hollow in his laughter, and in the way he holds back momentarily with his actions before doing anything. He hesitates to laugh carelessly with Deidara, as though there's still something at the back of his mind, a shadow of something dark bothering him even here under the sun with his boyfriend.

But Deidara tries his best to distract Sasori from his worrisome mind, he does all he can to put a smile on Sasori's face, and alas it works. By the time they leave the park and head to Sasori's townhome, Sasori is smiling ear to ear, a rare sight to see. Deidara jokes around with him in the car, but can't hide from himself the feeling of dread that creeps up as they pull into Sasori's place.

Beneath that feeling of dread, there is a bubbling excitement, but it's a strange mixture of emotions. Sasori introduces Deidara to Itachi and Shisui, both of whom Deidara can faintly remember from that party in the beginning of the semester.

"Ah, so this is him! Glad to finally meet you," Shisui says, extending a hand. Deidara shakes his hand and then turns to greet Itachi, who is more reserved and polite than Shisui.

"I was just about to make dinner, would you two care to join us? I can make enough for the four of us," Itachi offers.

"Sure, thanks Itachi," Sasori says.

…..

Despite Sasori's warning about Shisui always joking around and teasing people relentlessly, Deidara actually begins to like the guy after talking to him during dinner. Shisui enjoys chatting, and the two strike up a conversation about all kinds of random topics. Sasori and Itachi remain mostly silent, adding a few things to the conversation here and there. Shisui has a lively, charismatic personality, and he easily brings a smile to Deidara's face with his personal stories and jokes.

It's dark outside by the time they finish eating, and Itachi mentions something about watching a movie after he cleans up the kitchen. However, Sasori declines, "Thanks, but I think Deidara and I are going to retire early to my room." Deidara quickly averts his eyes, feeling his cheeks grow warm. His heart starts to beat rapidly again as the thought of losing his virginity takes over every ounce of his being.

"Haha, this early?" Shisui chides, "you must be desperate for a release." Now Deidara understands what Naruto was talking about; Shisui is a little tactless.

"Shut it, I'm just tired. I've had a long day," Sasori retorts back while subtly wrapping his hand around Deidara's under the table.

"Well just don't be too loud. We'll be watching an action movie, and I hate when loud moans interrupt the film," Shisui says back, not letting down. Itachi calls him over to help clean the dishes and Sasori and Deidara make their escape to Sasori's bedroom.

Sasori shuts the door behind him and sighs, "Sorry about him. I told you he can be a pain sometimes."

"It's okay un. I don't mind," Deidara says, staring at everything in Sasori's room. Although he's been in it before, he didn't really get a chance to take a look around. He was too worried about Sasori's well being on the night that Sasori was drugged. So he takes in the details now, noting the hushed green color of the walls, the neatly organized stack of books and papers on the wooden desk, and the ornate array of small puppets on the top of the dresser. He peers closer at the puppets to take a better look, observing that each one is totally unique and carefully carved out, as though Sasori placed all his affections into making each one. "I have to admit…these are pretty good un. Not as creepy as I thought they would be," Deidara says quietly as he admires each puppet.

Sasori comes up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist. "I told you my art was beautiful. I knew in time you'd come to agree with me." He kisses Deidara's neck from behind, gently at first and then with hunger, his kisses becoming harder and more desperate. Deidara groans, feeling his skin warm under Sasori's persistent kisses. But there's still a lump stuck in his throat, his palms are slick with sweat.

Sasori pulls Deidara away from the dresser and turns him around. He then continues to plant kisses along Deidara's neck and collarbone, walking him backwards until Deidara's backside hits the edge of Sasori's bed. Sasori pushes slightly, and Deidara plops onto the bed with Sasori on top of him. He's feeling aroused with all the attention Sasori is giving him, but he's still nervous. What am I so afraid of? Why can't I just give in and do this?

Deidara shuts his eyes, not daring to look. He tries to keep his breathing even, thinking that this might calm his nerves. Sasori stops kissing his collar and looks down on Deidara. "Is something wrong?" he asks him, both arms locked by Deidara's head.

"N-no un," Deidara lies, opening his eyes to see his Danna staring at him with compassion and concern.

"You can tell me Dei. I can sense that something's been bothering you all day," Sasori says as he brushes Deidara's blonde bangs back from his face.

Deidara gulps and closes his eyes as he admits the embarrassing truth, "I-I'm a little nervous un. I've never…I'm still a virgin. I don't know if I want…I mean, I know I want to with you hm, but…" Sasori places a finger over Deidara's mouth, shushing him quietly. Deidara opens his eyes to see Sasori's face right above his own, wearing an empathetic expression.

"I'm just as new to this as you are Deidara. We don't have to do anything you don't want. I'd wait for eternity for you. I know we've been taking things a little fast…we can slow down. I want you to be comfortable," Sasori tells him. He moves off of Deidara and lays next to him. Deidara feels a huge relief at Sasori's words, but still feels a bit ashamed.

"B-but you're not a virgin, are you un?" Deidara asks him.

"I'm not…but I've only ever had sex with women. I've never done anything with a man before I met you," Sasori tells him honestly. "That night that we spent up on that hill…that was the first time I had done that."

"Yeah, un. I remember you saying that. It felt really good too, like you already knew what you were doing... I'm okay with doing that again," Deidara says, tilting his face over to look at Sasori.

Sasori is grinning wide, "Me too. We don't have to go all the way yet. We can wait until we're both ready."

"Okay un. Thank you Danna," Deidara says gratefully, leaning in to kiss Sasori's cheek.

Sasori licks his lips hungrily, "I do have to admit I'm already feeling aroused though Dei."

Deidara smirks and wraps his legs around Sasori's, scooting in closer until they are nose to nose. "Me too," Deidara says as he pushes his hips forward, allowing his erection to graze up against Sasori's groin. Sasori's eyes widen and he grabs Deidara's face, pulling him in for a kiss.

Their tongues collide as their lips mash together in a frenzied, passionate kiss. Deidara kisses him ravenously, now that he's no longer nervous about doing anything he's uncomfortable with, he can relax and give himself in to pleasure. He's at ease with Sasori, at his mercy once more as they begin to undress each other, touching up and down their bodies with heated excitement.

Sasori's hand finds Deidara's erection, and he begins palming up and down the length, wrapping each finger around sensually. Deidara moans and closes his eyes, lost in pure seduction. Sasori's mouth crashes against his again, and he prods his tongue against Deidara's, fighting for control. Deidara moans between kisses and feels his head spin with lust. One of Sasori's hands moves up and down Deidara's length, tugging gently and circling over the tip with a dexterous thumb, while the other tenderly brushes against his hair, cheek, abdomen and waist. Each sensation feels like fire, and Deidara's entire body is set aflame.

Deidara is now panting fast and doing all he can to stop from climaxing so quickly. He feels himself getting close, so he pushes Sasori off him roughly, deciding that Sasori needs attention too. Sasori looks confused for a brief moment, but Deidara quiets that look with a hungry kiss on the lips, and then trails down Sasori's body, pausing at his chest. It's the first time Deidara's seen him fully naked, and Sasori looks so delicious. He has to taste everything. He places his lips around Sasori's left nipple and starts sucking gently. Sasori groans loudly and grabs a fistful of Deidara's locks in each hand. "Ah, Dei!" Sasori says through gritted teeth. Deidara sucks harder and then pays attention to the other nipple, making them both red and swollen.

Sasori's hips swing upwards as Deidara teases him. Deidara smirks and traces his fingers down lower, until they are smoothing up against Sasori's erection. He's hard and massive already, and Deidara grabs around the shaft, jerking up and down slowly. Deidara's lips are latched onto Sasori's stomach, he moves down slowly, his tongue laving across the warm skin. Sasori's neck arches back towards the pillow with one long, shuddering breath.

Deidara tongues the tip of Sasori's cock, tasting the pre-cum, swirling his tongue around like it's a lollipop. Sasori groans again and then places a hand over his own mouth, trying to quiet his guttural noises of arousal. Deidara's fingers dig a little into Sasori's skin, his fingernails scraping thin lines into his flesh, and Sasori grabs Deidara's head, guiding his mouth closer. Deidara slides his lips over Sasori's cock, takes him in full to the back of his throat, tongue gliding over every inch. Sasori groans, muffled against his hand, and pushes his hips slowly and steady until Deidara can feel the tip at the back of his throat. Deidara groans quietly, and Sasori makes another guttural, animalistic sound that he can't hide.

As Sasori nears the pinnacle of his sexual stimulation, Deidara sucks harder and burrows one hand beneath his own waistline, massaging his own length. He's incredibly turned on watching Sasori like this, squirming on the bed, practically biting his own hand to keep himself from getting too loud. Deidara bobs his head faster, in rhythm with Sasori's pulsing hips, and they are both rocking back and forth on the bed, Sasori's cock throbbing for desperate release in Deidara's tight, wet mouth. Deidara hollows his cheeks around Sasori's tip, fists the rest of his shaft with one hand and palms himself with the other until Sasori is biting his own fist to keep his voice down, breathing out tiny moans and sighs. Then Sasori is crying out suddenly, voice sharp and short as he sinks his fingers through Deidara's hair, holding his head still while he comes, spilling against Deidara's tongue until he's limp and spent.

"Ah," Sasori sighs, panting deeply as his body becomes still against the sheets of his bed. Deidara crawls back up next to his Danna, swallowing everything in his mouth. He wipes his chin and takes a look at Sasori, who's pupils are blown wide, hair slick with sweat and cheeks flushed and pink. Sasori inhales deeply and then says, "Now it's your turn. Turn over."

"Hm?" Deidara is confused by the request.

"Get on your knees and turn around, with your ass pointing out," Sasori clarifies. "There's something I want to try."

"O-okay," Deidara says hesitantly. He does as his Danna says, but feels immediately vulnerable in this position. He isn't sure if he likes it or not. Sasori sits up behind him, and Deidara feels one hand smooth up between his shoulder blades and then push down, until Deidara is resting on his elbows. Deidara doesn't like the fact that he can't see what Sasori is about to do. "What are you doing un?"

"Relax," Sasori purrs, "If you don't like it you can tell me and I'll stop." Deidara feels so exposed like this, and behind him Sasori is fidgeting with something, Deidara can hear the sound of his bedside drawer opening and a few objects shuffling around. Deidara wants to look to see what he's doing, but at the same time Deidara doesn't want to see Sasori looking at him when he's so open. So he keeps his eyes focused on the soft pillow in front of him, waiting impatiently for Sasori to do something.

Sasori places both his hands over Deidara's ass cheeks, cupping them and pinching some flesh between his forefinger and thumb. Deidara's cock twitches at the touch. Then Sasori's hands are on his thighs, pushing and pulling, moving them apart. "Open your legs more," Sasori demands.

Deidara's cheeks are flaming as he spreads his knees further out over the mattress, still curious as to where this is leading. Then Deidara feels the warmth of Sasori's hands over his ass again, spreading his cheeks open slightly. Deidara bites his bottom lip and buries his head in between his elbows, chest pressed against the mattress. Something slick and thin and wet slides between his cheeks and he gasps out loud with shock. "What is that Danna!?" Deidara swings his body forward, and Sasori steadies his hip with a hand against the side of his waist.

"My finger," Sasori says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Deidara looks over his shoulder at him with wide eyes and red cheeks. Sasori's eyes are glazed, pupils huge, and his chest is heaving, flushed and heavy. "I put a little lube on it, so it would slide in easily. Is it okay?"

Deidara whimpers and nods, because how can he possibly say no when Sasori is looking like that? Deidara looks away, but not before he sees Sasori licking his lips hungrily. Then Sasori's fingers are back on his ass, and he can feel one smooth digit massaging his tight hole.

It does feel good to Deidara, although admittedly a little weird, as he's never had anyone else do this to him before. He's tried it himself plenty of times, but it definitely feels different when it's a hand that isn't his own. Sasori is simply smoothing the tip of his finger in circles, pressing a little harder each time to loosen him out. Then Sasori's other hand reaches between his legs to find his length, and then he's pulling at that too, and Deidara whines, clenching his fists around the pillow.

Deidara is now in a haze of heavy breaths and moans, being pleasured from both sides like this. When Sasori sinks his finger fully inside him, Deidara groans loudly and bites his teeth into the pillow. Deidara lets out another rattling moan as Sasori pulls his finger out and pushes back in, all the way, rubbing over something that makes Deidara's hips jerk up and his spine tingle. "Ah!" Deidara cries at the sudden burst of sensation.

"Does it feel good?" Sasori asks him in a soft and low tone. Deidara nods fervently, gritting his teeth. Deidara rocks his hips back against Sasori's hand, begging for more. Sasori pushes his finger back in again, curling it up and making Deidara cry out loud again.

"Right there un," Deidara coughs out a shaky whimper as Sasori crooks his finger upwards again, hitting that sweet spot.

Sasori peppers tiny kisses over Deidara's ass, down the back of his legs and across the small of his back as he pulls on his length and moves his finger in and out, slow at first and then faster. Then he adds a second finger, the stretch is tight but not unpleasant. He's tentative with his motions as he moves both fingers inside Deidara, slowly stretching him wider. Deidara bites back another throaty groan and pushes his body back, desperate to feel Sasori's fingers deeper inside him.

Deidara is writhing and helpless on Sasori's bed sheets, as Sasori plays with him, pumping and scissoring his fingers, hitting that one spot every now and then that makes a shock of electricity wiz up Deidara's spine. He can feel Sasori's hot breath panting over his back and ass, and it feels good to know that Sasori seems to be enjoying this just as much as he is.

Then, Sasori's fingers pull out from behind, and Sasori stops touching him. Deidara whines, wondering why he's stopped. "I'm going to try something else," Sasori says. Deidara has no idea what else he could do to him, but he nods, eager for Sasori to keep touching him.

Deidara lurches involuntarily as something wet and warm and slimy slips inside him. "Ah un!"

Deidara turns over to see Sasori's face right up on his entrance, he can feel his breath, hot over his bare ass. Deidara's entire face flushes a dark red as he realizes what was just in his hole a moment ago. "Is this okay?" Sasori asks, blowing softly on Deidara's ass and planting a few sweet kisses around the stretched entrance.

Deidara is embarrassed by the thought of Sasori eating him out from behind, but he can't deny that it felt good, so incredibly good. Deidara turns back to his pillow again, "Yes, that felt good un," his voice comes out high and choked.

Then Sasori's tongue is in him again, and it's a lot weirder than fingers; it's warmer and wetter, and softer too. Sasori worms his tongue in deeper and Deidara's knees go weak. It's less intense than fingers, but he's still squirming his hips and panting, and then Sasori buries his tongue in more and sucks at him, and Deidara sees stars flash across his vision.

"Oh un!" Deidara's voice is shaky, his hips are bucking from the ecstatic pleasure radiating throughout his entire being, "do that again!"

Sasori rolls his tongue and sucks once more, Deidara pushes his hips back on quaking thighs and moans loudly into the pillow. Sasori grabs his length again and jabs his tongue in and out, making it hard. As Deidara gets played with from both sides, he squeals and squirms, heartbeat rapidly pulsing. Deidara's mind is overloaded with sexual lust, stars continue to dance around him. He's going to lose it any moment now.

Deidara focuses hard on not screaming as the orgasm encompasses him. He bites down into the pillow to muffle the noise as his cum ejaculates all over the bed sheets and his body shakes all over. Sasori lifts his head up slowly and keeps a firm grip around Deidara's cock until Deidara is limp, panting hard over the bed.

"Oh Danna…un," Deidara manages to pant the words out as he collapses face first onto the bed, knees finally giving out on him. He feels Sasori plop down next to him, and then Sasori is kissing the back of his neck, brushing away loose blonde strands.

"You – are – so – sexy," Sasori lets one word fall out at a time between smooth kisses all over Deidara's neck and the small of his back. Each kiss sends a wave of tingling sensations throughout Deidara, that orgasm was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. Everything Sasori just did to him was new and exciting, in ways he had never imagined.

Deidara turns his face to look at Sasori, "That was incredible un." Sasori smiles and then kisses Deidara on the lips, soft and gentle. They lay together for a few moments, Deidara is still slightly out of breath. It's peaceful, the way Sasori holds Deidara close to his chest, as if he's fearful to let him go.

They eventually have to get up to clean the bed sheets, as there's a mess of lubricant and cum on them. Deidara cleans himself off as Sasori throws new sheets onto the mattress. Once they are back on the bed, clean and sated, Deidara wraps his arm around Sasori's waist and kisses his forehead softly. "Hey Danna?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want to spoon?" Deidara asks, brushing a few red hairs out of Sasori's eyesight. Sasori smirks and nods, attempting to spin Deidara around, but Deidara stops him.

"I-I was thinking I could be the big spoon un," Deidara tells him.

"What?" Sasori seems beside himself with this idea.

"You're still the 'dominant' one in the relationship Danna, it's just that I'm taller than you…" Deidara explains.

"Brat," Sasori says, but he doesn't seem all that upset. "Fine." Deidara is delighted as Sasori turns around, allowing him to wrap an arm over his midsection and curl his legs in against Sasori's backside. Sasori fits perfectly in his grasp, just like he imagined.

Deidara kisses his ear and whispers, "This feels comfy hm, how about for you?"

"It's fine," Sasori says, and Deidara smiles. He knows Sasori will probably never admit that he enjoys being the 'little spoon,' but Deidara can tell that Sasori is completely blissful in his arms, and he savors in this serene, tender moment with his wonderful boyfriend.


	13. A Lesson on Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori finds a job, and he can't wait for Deidara to hear about it.

Deidara has no idea how comforting it is to be the 'little spoon.' Sasori himself never realized how much he needed this, all of this, all of today. It was a perfect ending to his crappy week, and a perfect reminder of how amazing Deidara is to him. Sasori realizes how lucky he is to have him, right here, wrapped tight around him, with their legs tangled together and his head resting in the crook of Sasori's neck. Sasori chest swells until it hurts, and he almost feels like crying.

Stupid, he tells himself as a tear rolls down his cheek. Deidara is thankfully snoring quietly in his ear, so he knows the brat won't hear him if he cries a little. He just feels so overwhelmed by everything that's happened. He's happy, but there's still a hint of something dark looming in the back of his mind.

He can't get rid of those anxieties from earlier. He still needs a part time job. He still has to finish his projects, and get good grades in order to graduate. He still has to figure out what to do after graduating, and start his career. Sasori holds Deidara's soft hand tightly in his own, grateful that he has at least one person willing to help him through all of this. But ultimately, Sasori knows that this is something he needs to figure out for himself. He needs to look deep within and answer to his own problems, fix things on his own.

Sasori bites back a few more tears and eventually falls asleep, his head full of too many thoughts, his heart heavy with too many emotions. The only thing he's certain of is that the morning will be better, he'll wake up with Deidara by his side.

….

Sasori extricates himself from Deidara's hold gently, careful not to wake the blonde. Deidara looks so peaceful and adorable, and Sasori stares at him for a few minutes, watching his chest rise and fall smoothly. Sasori shakes himself out of his daze and puts on some clothes before heading out into the kitchen to make breakfast for himself and Deidara.

Itachi is already in the kitchen, reading the newspaper and sipping coffee. Sasori holds back a laugh, sometimes Itachi reminds him of an old man. Sasori starts pulling out food from the fridge as Itachi looks up and says, "How did it go last night?"

Sasori blanches. Is Itachi really asking about his sex life? "Um…"

"Never mind, you don't have to respond to that. I'm just glad to see that you and Deidara are so happy together," Itachi says, peering over the paper.

"Yeah, thanks," Sasori says, feeling red in the face. He begins to beat some eggs with a fork, thinking that he can't go wrong with scrambled eggs and toast.

"I really do like Deidara, he seems like a great fit for you," Itachi continues, "last night at dinner, you smiled more than I've ever seen before."

If Sasori wasn't red in the face already, he's now burning hot. "Wh-why are you saying all of this? Of course I was happy."

"You were never happy when you were with Sakura. I'm just making an observation. I don't want you to clam up with Deidara and do something foolish like leave him," Itachi says with a rather stern voice.

Sasori glares at him, "What do you mean by 'clam up?'"

Itachi doesn't grace that question with a response. He merely shrugs, takes another sip of his coffee and says, "Deidara makes you happy, don't let that go. That's all I'm saying."

"Fine, then leave it at that," Sasori says, looking away. He isn't sure what exactly Itachi is trying to get at, but it's making him feel a little ticked off all the same.

Once the eggs and toast are assembled, Deidara comes shuffling out of Sasori's bedroom. He's wearing one of Sasori's oversized t-shirts and some baggy pants, his hair is tousled, blonde strands sticking out in all directions, and his eyes are half-closed with sleepiness. All in all, he's a mess, but Sasori still finds him extremely attractive. In fact, Sasori thinks he looks rather cute like this, disheveled and unkempt.

"Danna?" Deidara asks, as though he's a lost baby bird looking for its mother.

"Good morning sleepy head," Sasori says. Deidara blinks his eyes open and takes one sniff of the pungent scent of eggs in the air. Sasori watches the blonde lick his lips with hunger. "Come here and eat."

Deidara begins to walk forward but then stops in his tracks suddenly, as though he's been hit with a life changing realization. His eyes grow wide and he looks down at himself. "Oh no un! I need to change!"

He's about to run back into Sasori's room, but Sasori grabs his wrist, "What are you talking about? I'm not fully dressed for the day yet either. Come eat."

"But Danna…I'm embarrassed to have you see me like this," Deidara admits. He's smoothing down his hair and looking away from Sasori.

Sasori laces his fingers with Deidara's and pulls him in closer to whisper into his ear, "you look adorable wearing my shirt. When did you even dig that out of my closet?"

"I-I was looking for something to throw on before I used the bathroom. After that I came out here without thinking un. I need to go shower and change and-" Sasori cuts Deidara off mid-sentence with a soft kiss on the lips. He releases Deidara from his hold, and Deidara stares at him, looking absolutely baffled, like a deer in headlights.

"You're fine. You don't need to pamper yourself up with me. I'll always find you attractive brat. Now come eat," Sasori says before turning on his heel and heading back into the kitchen.

….

Later that evening, Sasori finds himself sitting on the couch, perusing the internet for any sort of inspiring idea for his art project. He just dropped Deidara off to his dorm moments ago, much to Deidara's dismay. Deidara had wanted to stay over another night, but Sasori had to take him back…he would never get any work done otherwise.

Now, Sasori is trying to clear his head of Deidara as much as possible so that he can get started on this assignment. Deidara provided a nice distraction from his problems for a long while, but the redhead knew he had to get back to business. His plan is to take things one step at a time. First on his list is this art project, then his smaller, more trivial assignments, and then searching for a part-time job. He thought he would look through the Greenleaf University student work availability, perhaps Deidara was onto something there.

Sasori decides to make a new puppet-doll for his project, he figures that he should stick with what he knows best. Working with something intricate and detailed takes time, and gets his mind off of his worries. It's therapeutic in a sense, as he pours himself into his art, laboring over every detail with care. He spends a few hours creating his art and then takes a break, feeling satisfied with how his art is coming along so far, his spirits lifted somewhat.

He grabs a beer and searches through the available student jobs out of curiosity, wondering if there will even be anything worthwhile this late in the semester. He nearly spits out his drink when he sees it. It's the perfect fit. He may not want to teach, but perhaps he could give it a try? He's sure if he talks with his counselor Kurenai, she'll guarantee him the job…So he promptly downs the rest of his drink and gets to work polishing his resume and filling out the application, fingers crossed.

…

An elated Sasori texts Deidara, eager to share his news: Hey there Dei. Guess who just got a part-time job?

Deidara answers in a matter of seconds: WOW! I knew you could do it! Congrats! Where at?

Sasori smirks as he sends his next text: I'll tell you after your drawing class on Monday. It's a surprise. I'll wait for you after class.

Deidara responds quickly again: Alright my mysterious man. Are you ever straightforward with anyone?!

Sasori sits back and ponders this. He knows Deidara means it jokingly, but he has a point. But Sasori can't help it if he's secretive by nature, that's just his personality. Either way, nothing can bring him down from his high horse right now. He can't wait to see the look on Deidara's face on Monday!

….

When Monday comes, Sasori is a nervous wreck. Why oh why did he ever think that a teacher's assistant job was a good idea? He met with his former freshman 'drawing foundations' class teacher, Mrs. Mira, to discuss his duties as her assistant for the rest of this semester and the next semester. The woman is quite old and batty, probably nearing the end of her career as an art teacher, and she (unpleasantly) reminds Sasori a bit of his granny. He listened to all her rules on grading assignments, and his duties with helping the freshman in class with their drawings. He was surprised to hear that she wants him to take over a few of the lectures and give his own insights into art. The one silver lining is that Mrs. Mira remembers Sasori from when she taught him, and she seems very fond of his artwork. Although, this could also be the reason she wants him to do so much work for her…maybe she thinks he's actually capable of teaching a real class.

Sasori is nervous about standing in front of a group of freshman to introduce himself. Mrs. Mira will still be teaching the class today, but she wants him to walk around to give tips to the 'aspiring artists' as she calls them. Drawing is easy enough for Sasori, it was definitely a cinch when he was a freshman, but he has no idea how he's going to explain it to someone else.

He paces outside the classroom for a few minutes before finally stepping inside, hoping to see Deidara there. Maybe Deidara's charming face will calm his nerves. However, Deidara isn't there yet. Typical, Sasori thinks, the brat is probably always late to class.

Sasori sits in the corner by Mrs. Mira's desk, not really listening as she goes through the details of her lecture on the importance of shading that she'll be speaking about today. Before he knows it, the class is full and she's clearing her throat, standing up to greet the 'aspiring artists.'

"Good morning class, settle down," She says. Sasori scans for Deidara in the room. He spots the blonde sitting next to Sasuke. He didn't realize Sasuke was in his drawing class too. Deidara is giving him a puzzled, curious look. Sasori smiles and feels his nerves calm.

"I have some news for you all. I have been waiting for months for someone to take up the job offer as my student assistant, and someone finally answered my call! I'd like to introduce you all to Sasori, he's one of my former students and a brilliant artist," Mrs. Mira says. Sasori walks up beside her and waves to the class, noticing that most of the students look disinterested in the matter. He figured as much, this is a required course, not one that most art majors look forward to taking.

Sasori watches Deidara's reaction carefully. Deidara's blue eyes grow large and his mouth opens in shock. Sasuke nudges his shoulder playfully next to him, and Deidara pushes him away, as though he's annoyed. Deidara then stares back at Sasori and blinks a few times, clearly in disbelief of what he just heard. And then, could Sasori be seeing things? Did his eyebrows just furrow with annoyance?

Sasori sits back down and lets Mrs. Mira begin her lecture on the boring-ass subject of 'shading.' Of course this is all fundamental stuff to new art students, but Sasori knows it's a drag for everyone involved, both the teacher and the students. Although, Mrs. Mira does do a good job of making the lesson sound like fun, as though she's talking about something that's actually interesting. Sasori listens to her inflections and her enthusiasm, taking mental notes about her posture and poise as well. If he's going to someday teach this class, he needs to pick up some 'teaching habits.'

Halfway through the class, Mrs. Mira instructs the students to bring out their pencils and drawing pads. The students do so somewhat begrudgingly. Then she draws on the chalkboard, a simple apple with appropriate shading. She instructs the students to draw 'whatever your heart desires' on the paper, as long as it's a tangible item with shading. She informs them that the teacher-assistant will be walking around the classroom to help out anyone who has questions.

Sasori walks around slowly, placing his hands behind his back, mostly because he doesn't know what else to do with them. He's feeling extremely nervous again, as though he's in the spotlight walking uncomfortably around the class. He tries to calm down by reassuring himself that everyone has their eyes on their papers, not on him. The only exception is Deidara, of course.

Deidara sits there like a statue, he hasn't even pulled out his drawing materials from his bag yet. He's staring daggers at Sasori, and Sasori truly can't understand why. Sasuke nudges Deidara again and sighs audibly, and then Deidara snaps out of it and pulls his drawing pad out frantically.

Sasori doesn't want to seem like he knows Deidara or Sasuke, it would be awkward to explain that to Mrs. Mira, so he makes his way up and down the rows in order. He's surprised that a few students actually ask him some questions, or show him their progress to see if they're doing it correctly. He gives them advice, worrying at first that his suggestions may not sound good, but each student seems grateful. He feels a small balloon inflate slowly in his chest, he's actually enjoying this more than he imagined he would.

By the time he reaches Sasuke and Deidara's row, the two look up questioningly at him. Sasuke smirks and whispers, "is this some sort of kinky fantasy of yours Sasori?"

Sasori glares at him, but doesn't dare respond with any of the numerous curt responses that he thinks of. He wants to do well with this job, and that means he can't poke fun at his students. Sasori instead turns to Deidara, wondering how his drawing is coming along.

Deidara covers his drawing with his arm and stares up at Sasori with hurt eyes. Sasori feels a pinch in his heart, as though someone stabbed it with a sharp needle. "Wh-why are you upset?" Sasori asks in a hushed whisper, hoping that Mrs. Mira won't overhear.

"I guess we can talk about it after class, Mr. Sasori," Deidara says with something like seething poison in his voice. The very air around him is glum, as though a small thundercloud drifts above his head.

Sasori shrugs and walks away, although he can't ignore the fact that he's hurt. He thought Deidara would be excited, spilling with happiness, to find out that he's the teacher assistant. Wasn't it Deidara's suggestion in the first place?

….

Sasori drums his fingers impatiently after class, waiting for Deidara. When Deidara finally emerges, he doesn't even look Sasori in the eyes. Ouch. Sasori's already low self-confidence is knocked down another level. What did he do wrong?

"Dei?" Sasori asks with his heart in his throat.

"Sasori," Deidara spins around and looks at him with rage. He didn't even bother to say 'Danna,' Sasori's pet name.

"What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to see that I'm the teacher assistant…it was your suggestion…" Sasori says.

"Yeah un, but I didn't mean in one of my classes!"

"It was the only spot available. Why is that such a big deal?" Sasori is totally perplexed.

"You have to grade my art now?! You have no respect for my view on art, I don't want you grading it hm!" Deidara spits back, turning red in the face.

"Are you saying I won't be objective with my grades? You don't trust my judgment as a teacher for a simple drawing class? You do realize that the old bat still has to review my work right?" Sasori asks back, feeling himself get hot with anger.

"As if that lady will take more than a 2 second glance! Now that she has you, she can just sit back and let you take over!" Deidara yells, as though the very idea is horrible and wrong.

"Deidara, do you really think I would fail you in drawing foundations?! Is that really what you're worried about?" Sasori wonders. He still doesn't understand.

"No un! That's the point, you wouldn't dare fail me, you're biased! I want constructive criticism on my works. And also, how am I supposed to focus on class with you there!? Did you ever stop to think of how I'd feel when you got the job hm?" Deidara is spewing out madness, Sasori isn't sure if he's even thinking about what he's saying.

"So…you're afraid you'll either fail the class, or pass with flying colors because of me? That I'll influence your grades too much and distract you?" Sasori's head is still befuddled, and his heart is racing. He doesn't like all this yelling that Deidara's doing over a seemingly pointless matter (in his honest opinion).

"You don't get it un." Deidara finally says, looking defeated. No, Sasori thinks, I really don't get it.

"What do you want me to do here Dei? I can't just quit now…" Sasori says. The thought alone brings on a new wave of anxieties that he doesn't want to think about.

"No un, I don't want you to quit. I just…don't want you to keep these big secrets from me anymore ok? I have to go now, I have another class in a few minutes," Deidara says, still looking annoyed. Sasori reaches his hand out, trying to grab Deidara's wrist. Deidara pulls his arm away and walks off without saying goodbye.

Sasori watches the blonde scurry off quickly, putting distance between the two of them with lightning speed. Sasori's insides are squirming, it feels like his heart dropped to his stomach. What had just happened? Were they okay? How long is Deidara going to mope about this?

Sasori clenches his jaw, he feels like screaming and crying simultaneously. Deidara is so infuriating sometimes. Why couldn't Deidara just be happy for him!? He got a job, something that was causing him lots of anxiety and worry the past week…and he had listened to Deidara's suggestion! So why was Deidara acting all high and mighty and pissed off?

Sasori storms off, not in the mood to stand around and brood about it any longer. He has classes to attend to as well…and projects to finish…and a crazy dramatic boyfriend to (somehow) win over again…Sasori sighs heavily. It's going to be a long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to throw in a little angst there, sorry guys! Hope you all enjoy, Deidara is just very overly-dramatic about things sometimes, but he'll soon realize his mistake! :)


	14. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara realizes he should apologize to Sasori, and he decides they should also celebrate Sasori's new job.

"You're being an idiot Dei."

Deidara throws a pillow at Kuro and crosses his arms indignantly. "I am not hm!"

"You are blowing this a little out of proportion…" Konan adds, "don't you think you should just be happy and supportive of your boyfriend? It sounds like he simply did what you told him, I don't know why you're so upset."

Deidara sighs and leans further into the couch, slumping over like a sack of potatoes. He has no more energy to explain it again. To be honest, he isn't quite sure why he's so angry…he just is. "It's just…why can't he ever tell me these important things in person un? I was so surprised to see him in my class! And now he's my teacher!? It's just weird. I'll have to learn from him…and he and I have such different views on art hm!"

"You're learning drawing from him. You don't even care about that class, it's a required course for all art majors. He isn't teaching you about the differences between fleeting or eternal aesthetics or any crap like that. It's just pencil on paper. Get over it," Kuro says harshly. She always knows exactly what to say to snap him to reality and to make him see his own flaws. She's blunt about everything, especially when it comes to what she likes to call Deidara's 'melodramatic episodes.'

"You're just having another melodramatic episode, this one is titled 'I got flustered when I found out my boyfriend is going to teach me a silly art class and my overly sensitive feelings got hurt because he didn't tell me ahead of time and I hate unexpected surprises.' It's chapter 53 in your drama series," she adds on jokingly.

"It's more than just the fact that it was a surprise un! What if…" Deidara feels embarrassed to admit this, but he needs to vent it to someone, "what if he breaks up with me and I'm stuck seeing my ex-boyfriend in class every week?!"

"Deidara," Konan pats his leg gently and Kuro's expression changes too. She's softer now, more concerned.

"Is that really what this is all about?" Kuro asks.

"Well…yeah I guess…" Deidara sighs, willing himself not to cry.

"He isn't going to break up with you, I saw the way he looked at you during our movie night," Konan says reassuringly.

"Yeah," Kuro scoots closer to her friend to pat his back, "He wouldn't have taken a job for that class if he was thinking about ending things with you. In fact, I bet he's probably worried that you're about to break up with him. You have to trust in this relationship Dei. I know it's not easy."

"Sometimes I have no idea what he's thinking un…he's gotten close to me, but he still keeps his distance with certain things. I'm an open book to him…it's just frustrating hm. It's my first real relationship, and I really like him un. I don't want to mess things up…I want to get to know him better," Deidara is crying now, and wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands desperately. He feels stupid, so stupid. Why did he yell at Sasori like that? Did he just ruin everything? He let his anger get the better of him.

"It's okay Dei, just be honest with him, he'll understand where you're coming from," Kuro says as she rubs his back gently, letting him cry against her shoulder.

"Be patient, he'll let you in. Some people just need time before they open up completely to others, and that's okay. Don't forget that you're his first boyfriend too," Konan mentions.

Deidara sniffles, feeling a lot better after talking to his friends. He knew they would understand and give him good advice. "Thanks un. I haven't heard from him all day…he's probably pissed at me."

"He's just giving you your space, letting you cool down," Konan says, "I bet he wanted to talk to you but was afraid to be the one to contact first. You should give him a call."

"Yeah," Deidara sobs one last time and then calms his breathing back to normal. "I think I will hm. It's not too late is it?"

"Only 9 o'clock, go ahead and call him," Kuro says.

…..

The phone rings on and on until Deidara worries that he'll never pick up, and his mind goes into overdrive, thinking that he must have ruined everything, and that Sasori never wants to talk to him again until- "Hello Dei." Deidara's heart clenches at the sound of his voice.

"Hi Danna. I'm an idiot," The words tumble out fast. He shakes his head and tries again, "I'm sorry Danna, I'm really really sorry un!"

"It's alright-"

"No un it's not! I was a jerk! I should've been happy for you, and I am un! I'm happy that you decided to take up work as a teacher's assistant, I think it's a great fit for you!" Deidara rambles on and on, hoping to somehow smooth out the edges of their rough patch that he created.

Deidara hears a relieved sigh on the other end of the line, as though Sasori's been holding a burdensome worry all day long. He probably has been worried all day, "I accept your apology Deidara. I'd like to apologize to you as well. It was unfair for me to assume that you would be happy and excited to see me in the classroom today. I can see now how it would be awkward and unsettling for you…I'm really sorry."

"That's not it Danna. I was just mad for a dumb reason…" Deidara is so embarrassed he feels like hiding under his bed sheets and never poking out again.

"So why were you mad then?" Sasori asks. Of course he wants to know. Deidara saw how clueless the redhead was earlier.

"I-if you ever leave me, I'd have to see you in class all the time un…and I know I would be so sad," Deidara admits, feeling ashamed for even thinking that thought. His Danna wouldn't dare do something like that, would he?

"I would never do that to you Dei." Deidara sighs in relief, thinking he should bonk himself on the head for being such a complete idiot. "Deidara, I really like you. I want to be with you," Sasori adds. Butterflies begin skipping and dancing in Deidara's stomach, it's always wonderful to hear Sasori admit these things to him.

"Danna, I was dumb. I overreacted. I do that sometimes un," Deidara admits.

"It's alright. I'm only your teacher for an hour and a half a week, but I'm your boyfriend for the other 166 and a half hours a week," Sasori tells him.

Deidara laughs at that, "wow, how long have you been thinking about saying that cheesy line? All day?"

"…."

"Sorry I laughed hm. It's sweet. I really am lucky to be with you. And I am glad you have a job, will you be able to keep it in the spring semester too un?"

"Yes, I'll still be Mrs. Mira's assistant next semester for the same class, so you won't have to worry about me being your teacher then." Sasori says.

"That's great Danna, really, we should celebrate!" Deidara feels excited now.

"Celebrate?"

"Yeah un! Can I see you tomorrow? I'll make up for being a jerk today," Deidara says with as much seduction as he can in his voice. He's not sure if Sasori picks up on it or not.

"Sure brat," Sasori says through a chuckle.

"Good. I can't wait hm," Deidara is happy that Sasori accepted his apology so well, he's quite understanding.

"Hey Dei?" Sasori sounds a little hesitant now, as though there's something he needs to say, but he isn't quite sure how to say it.

"Yeah?"

"I-I know I can be difficult sometimes…I'm trying my hardest to trust in you completely, and I do trust you…but I don't always share things easily with others. I keep a lot to myself…No one's ever been interested in knowing things about me, so it's strange to me, sharing any of my secrets or feelings with you," Sasori says, stumbling a little over his words.

Deidara's heart swoons, he knows admitting that isn't easy for Sasori. "I know Danna. I overreacted. I won't do that again, at least I'll try not to hm. It wasn't your fault that I got so mad. And hey, I really do want to know you, all of you un. But I now know that there's no rush. We have lots of time together, right?"

"Right," Sasori's voice lifts up noticeably, it seems that Deidara chose the right words to comfort him.

Deidara feels so relieved that things are truly okay, that Sasori still wants to date him, that Sasori wants to share things with him, and be intimate with him, that Deidara decides not to hang up the phone just yet. He starts talking about the rest of his classes that day, catching Sasori up on everything else that he missed during their few hours of silence. Sasori returns the favor, saying that his day was mostly quite boring, but that he had some time to work more on his project. The two chat on and on, neither one seeming to have any inclination of hanging up the phone and going to sleep. Kurotsuchi eventually kicks Deidara out of her room, so he simply walks back to his own dorm around midnight, chatting with Sasori the whole time. Their conversation carries them into the early hours of the morning before they both realize that their phone batteries are about to die and that they probably (definitely) need to get some sleep before their classes.

Deidara lays in bed with a sleepy, lopsided smile on his face as he replays their conversation over and over in his mind before he drifts asleep. It feel good, even better than creating art (and that's saying a lot for Deidara), to have someone so close to his heart. Sasori wants to become closer, he is slowly letting down his guard and opening up to Deidara every day.

…..

Deidara yawns over the pot of stew he's making, and he hears Sasori laugh softly behind him. "We shouldn't have stayed up that late last night."

"But I wanted to keep talking to you un," Deidara protests, adding some pepper into the stew. He's cooking beef stew, one of the few dishes he knows how to make, in order to apologize to his boyfriend for his histrionics yesterday. The only problem is, Sasori keeps coming up behind him and adding things into the pot here and there expertly, and it's clear to Deidara that Sasori is the better cook. How is it that Sasori is good at everything?

"I didn't want to hang up the phone either. You're probably the only person I can stand talking to for that long," Sasori says before kissing Deidara's neck. Deidara feels warm fuzzies inside him, he knows Sasori is being forthright, he's never seen the redhead hold a conversation for more than 10 minutes with anyone else.

Sasori is planting sloppy kisses along Deidara's neck and jaw, being overly affectionate as Itachi, Sasuke and Shisui are all currently out of the house at the moment. "Hey dinner is ready un, stop for a minute. There will be time for that later," Deidara is having a hard time trying to dish out the stew with Sasori distracting him like this.

"Oh, so there will be dessert then? Great," Sasori gives Deidara one last kiss before grabbing his bowl of stew and stepping out of the kitchen. "I'll eat fast, I can't wait to see what's on the menu after this," his voice is full of lust, and Deidara does all he can to calm his quickly growing boner.

…..

After inhaling their food (seriously, Deidara's never seen Sasori eat so quickly, the redhead is usually very polite when he eats), the two head to Sasori's bedroom. Sasori looks at Deidara, waiting for him to make the first move. Deidara immediately reddens and tries not to fret, but Sasori's stare is very powerful and expectant. Deidara gulps.

Deidara has been thinking about this all day in class today, about all the dirty things he wants to do with Sasori in order to 'celebrate' his new job as a teacher's assistant. Deidara isn't quite sure how Sasori will respond to this…he doesn't know if Sasori is into role playing, but he has a pretty strong suspicion that Sasori has a kinky side (just like himself, he hates to admit). So Deidara takes a deep breath and decides to go for it. He closes his eyes half-way, looking at Sasori through half-lidded orbs in an attempt to look both sexy and innocent at the same time.

"Hey there teacher. I had a few questions, and I was wondering if I could speak with you alone, after class," Deidara pouts his lip and makes his eyes grow large, trying to look younger than he is. He lets the sleeve of his tank top fall off his shoulder to show off some skin.

Sasori doesn't skip a beat, and doesn't hesitate to play along, "of course, what is it my young student?" Sasori steps closer, cornering Deidara against the wall.

"I-I had some questions concerning anatomy un," Deidara is blushing hard now, that piercing stare from Sasori doesn't ever falter. Deidara sees fire flash in those brown eyes.

"Ah yes. You know, you failed your last exam on anatomy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to punish you and teach you a lesson," Sasori's voice is low, almost a grumble as he plays the part of the stern teacher.

"Un?" Deidara feigns confused innocence, trying to look like a lost puppy.

Sasori pins Deidara against the wall firmly, both hands grasping his wrists, his knee grazing precariously close to Deidara's crotch. His breath is warm against Deidara's neck as he breathes, "I'll give you a demonstration of the anatomy you need to know. Wouldn't you like to pull up your grade?"

Deidara nods, too embarrassed to say anything at this point. His cock is already aching, this role playing scenario is turning him on more than he could have ever imagined in his wildest dreams. "Be a good boy," Sasori says in a musky voice, "and I'll teach you everything you need to know."

"O-Okay, teacher. I want to learn, hm," Deidara moans as Sasori feels him up and pushes his shirt up, thumbs circling over Deidara's nipples.

Sasori lifts Deidara up onto one knee, still keeping him firmly pinned against the wall, shirt up and abdomen exposed. Sasori traces his fingers up Deidara's navel and to his nipples, saying "Men and women have 12 ribs, although some people may have 13 or 11 pairs." Deidara has no idea if this information is true or not, but he's a bit too preoccupied at the moment to ponder over it.

Sasori licks Deidara, starting from his belly and up to one hardened nipple, sucking on it until it's red and swollen. Deidara squirms, but Sasori keeps his firm grip on him so that he's still levitating a few inches above the ground, totally at Sasori's mercy against the wall. Once Sasori finishes sucking Deidara's nipple, he trails his tongue over to his neck, brushing blonde strands away with his nose. He kisses and bites, saying "men tend to have a more prominent Adam's apple than women," he finds Deidara's Adam's apple and kisses the lump, "yours is very subtle for a man, but I can still find it. I can also see that you're swallowing a lot, it keeps moving up and down."

"T-teacher, please," Deidara is begging to be let down.

"Ah yes," Sasori presses further into him, holding him up by his ass cheeks, "Your legs must be getting tired in this position." Sasori finally lets Deidara slide down, although he doesn't release him from his grasp. "Do you know what the strongest muscle in the body is student?"

"N-no un," Deidara admits. He wonders for a split second if Sasori even knows the answer to that question. But then again, does it really matter at this point?

"Your jaw, followed closely by your tongue," Sasori's face is a hair's breadth away from Deidara's. "Let's see just how strong your jaw and tongue muscles are."

Sasori pushes his lips against Deidara's firmly, kissing him aggressively. Deidara moans and opens his mouth, allowing Sasori to dominate him. Sasori grabs onto Deidara's wrists again and pulls his arms up, restraining them against the wall as they make out frantically and desperately. Deidara can feel Sasori's bulge pressing against him, it's already so hard and swollen, and they both still have all their clothes on.

But Sasori soon fixes that. He pulls up harshly on Deidara's shirt, and Deidara lifts it over his head and tosses it aside, all while making out hungrily with Sasori. Sasori unbuttons Deidara's pants and pushes them down roughly. Deidara now stands up against the wall, nearly naked save for his boxers. His boner prods out from the material and Sasori strokes it, "tsk tsk, looks like you are a naughty student."

Deidara squirms as Sasori takes off his boxers and then grabs his cock firmly. He then whispers into Deidara, "Men can usually only orgasm once during a sexual encounter. However, with the right amount of stimulation, it is possible for a man to cum twice. I'd like to demonstrate that on you."

Deidara almost screams, he's nearly in despair for a release from all this teasing. "P-please show me un!" he cries. Sasori has been holding onto his cock this whole time, taunting him by not stroking it.

"Of course student. I'll make you come twice, just watch," Sasori purrs before sliding down on his knees in front of Deidara. He wraps his fingers around the thick base of the shaft, and then slowly, carefully, slides the tip through his lips. His eyes fall closed as Deidara moans.

"Oh, mmm," Deidara lets out a guttural sound as Sasori takes him in deeper. Deidara grabs Sasori's hair and tugs gently. Sasori slides his lips to the end then strokes along the underside of Deidara's shaft with his tongue. The feeling is unbearably good, and Deidara is already so close.

Sasori licks up the base again, and his eyes pop open to stare up at Deidara. Deidara's eyes meet his brown orbs in a current of lust and longing. His cock throbs again, he's almost there now. Deidara pinches his eyes shut, feeling himself succumb slowly to Sasori.

Sasori sucks harder, and moves his head faster, and Deidara can barely breathe. "Ah Danna!" he yells, forgetting that he's supposed to call him 'teacher.' Stars blur his vision and the milky way itself seems to open up and consume him as Deidara comes, shooting his load into Sasori's mouth. Sasori slurps it all up, drinking it in like it's the nectar of the gods.

Deidara is panting hard, now limp from his orgasm, but Sasori doesn't offer him a break from their role playing sexual escapade. He promptly gets up and spins Deidara around so that Deidara's chest is now pressed up against the wall. "Wh-what are you going to do Danna?"

"Shh," Sasori places a finger over Deidara's lips. "Your teacher," he corrects, "has plans to make you cum again, remember? But this time, you'll be coming alongside your teacher."

Sasori strips off all his clothes behind Deidara, and Deidara watches him from the corner of his eye. Sasori stands there for a moment in the nude, his dick hard and glistening with pre-cum, and Deidara feels himself getting aroused again.

Sasori steps up and pushes Deidara against the wall harshly, pressing his hardened dick against Deidara's ass. Sasori brushes light kisses along Deidara's neck. The kisses become harder, more hungry, as he goes, kissing along Deidara's spine and stopping at the top of his ass. He gives one cheek a good slap, not too hard, but definitely hard enough for Deidara's member to start twitching awake again. He now bares a half-mast, not yet all the way hard, but definitely getting there faster than he thought possible after his recent orgasm.

Sasori starts lavishing Deidara's ass, licking both cheeks and cupping them with his hands, squeezing a little. "Mmm," Sasori slaps the other cheek, "your butt is so perfect." Deidara moans as Sasori pushes in a wet finger. There's an initial pinch, but it soon fades as Sasori skillfully moves in and out, stretching the hole. Deidara covers his mouth as an involuntary moan escapes his lips. His boner is growing harder with each passing second. He's completely and utterly at Sasori's mercy.

Deidara feels Sasori's finger pull out, and he's curious as to what he'll do next. He feels something warm in between his legs, and then something like electricity shoots through his nerves as he feels Sasori's tongue on the underside of his balls. Sasori's face is planted between his legs, tongue prodding up. Sasori licks ravenously, and Deidara groans. He's never felt anything quite like this before, and his head is spinning from the overwhelming sensation. "Da- I mean, teacher, I'm already getting close again un!"

Sasori swiftly stops fondling Deidara's balls with his tongue and stands up behind Deidara, placing his hands over his shoulders. Deidara feels Sasori slide his dick in between his thighs, pushing so that the shaft rubs up against Deidara's wet balls. "Mmm," Sasori says, beginning to thrust in and out slowly, "Licking your balls provided good lubrication for this. Have you ever heard of intercrural sex my student?"

"N-no un," Deidara admits honestly.

"You have much to learn. It's a type of non-penetrative sex, in which a male places his dick in between his partner's thighs," Sasori explains as he thrusts again. In this position, Deidara can feel Sasori's dick slide along the underside of his own, and the feeling is incredible. He's already extremely sensitive again, almost ready to be pushed over the edge into that abyss of ecstasy once more.

Sasori picks up speed, and Deidara pushes his thighs together, creating a tighter space for Sasori. Sasori groans loudly into Deidara's ear, placing his palms up against the wall for support as he thrusts in and out of Deidara's thighs. "That feels so good," Sasori says in a low voice.

Deidara's hips begin to shake, the feel of Sasori's dick pushing alongside his ass, balls and dick sends a wave of explosions throughout his body. It's an indescribable sensation. "Ah, ah!" Deidara can't help but scream.

Sasori isn't exactly being quiet behind him either. His panting is short and gruff, with something like an animalistic growl resonating deep in his throat. He licks Deidara's cheek and nips at his ear, moving his hips faster and faster until – both come together, yelling and groaning and splaying their seed across Sasori's bedroom wall. Neither seems to care about the volume of their groans this time.

Sasori wraps his arms around Deidara's waist and buries his head into Deidara's back, heaving fast. Deidara keeps his arms up against the wall in an effort not to collapse onto the ground from not one, but two, orgasms. His body feels completely spent, but also completely, wholly satisfied.

Sasori lifts his face up from Deidara after catching his breath, and spins the blonde around. Sasori kisses Deidara tenderly and says, "Thank you brat. That was the perfect gift."

"You really enjoyed it un?"

Sasori gestures towards his crotch, where his dick is limp and covered with cum, with a smirk. "Yes Dei. I enjoyed that very much." Deidara laughs at him and hurries to the bathroom to get a towel to clean up the mess on the wall. "How did you know I would be into role playing?" Sasori asks him as Deidara scrubs the wall (oh man this is embarrassing, he thinks to himself).

"I didn't un, just had a guess," Deidara admits.

Sasori smiles, "you were right on the money. I think you and I are both closeted kink freaks."

"Kink freaks?" Deidara stares up at him questioningly.

"You seem open to trying new things all the time, and I am too Dei. We should explore more of our sexual fantasies and desires, if you're up for it that is," Sasori says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yes Danna," Deidara blushes, "I would like that." He gets up, hoping to heaven that he scrubbed off all the cum from the wall (gross, gross!).

Sasori captures his lips in a kiss, "You are wonderful, brat." Those simple words tell Deidara that everything between them is alright, and he smiles, happy to know that their relationship together is strong, with a bright future ahead.


	15. Ups and Downs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara decides he's ready to go all the way with Sasori. Later, Sasori receives some unexpected news.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Sasori feels like he gets the hang of teaching. Although he's just an assistant, he has to prepare a few lectures and present them to the class, per Mrs. Mira's request. He was nervous the first time, but soon got over his fear of talking in front of the students. He found that a lot of them seemed to prefer listening to his lectures over Mrs. Mira's, and some would even ask him questions that showed they were truly listening and actively learning the material. He felt proud, being able to teach them and help them with their artwork. He even thinks he wants to teach when he graduates, something he had never thought of before. And it's all thanks to Deidara.

Things with Deidara have been going wonderfully smooth. Sasori has been trying to be more open with Deidara about everything, and Deidara listens to all that Sasori has to say, but doesn't push him to reveal anything that he isn't ready to yet. They've gotten into the swing of developing their relationship on trust and mutual understanding for one another.

The kinky sex is an added bonus to their romance. Of course, they haven't gone all the way just yet, meaning that Sasori hasn't put 'it' inside of Deidara, but they've explored many other ways of getting each other off. Sasori even bought fake handcuffs, and he enjoys using them on Deidara while they role play. Sasori loves playing the part of the 'dirty bad cop.'

Sasori learned that Deidara truly does overreact sometimes, and he has since learned how to deal with it. Sasori made a mistake once in spilling some juice on Deidara's shoe, and Deidara lost it for a moment. He yelled about how much he loved those shoes and how there was no way they could be replaced and on and on until Sasori finally grabbed the shoe and threw it in the laundry load with the rest of his clothes. An hour later, the stain was gone and Deidara was spewing apologies left and right for his dramatic behavior. Sasori doesn't let these melodramatic episodes get to him anymore, and besides, they are occurring less frequently as time passes.

As the end of the fall semester approaches, there's one looming worrisome thought over both of their heads: finals. Sasori finds it almost amusing how troubled Deidara is over studying for his first semester finals – Sasori knows by now how best to prepare for finals after being a Greenleaf student for nearly 5 years, so he's not as stressed out as Deidara. Sasori finds time to help Deidara study, since he's already mastered the material a while back.

"Ugh, why do I have to take a stupid history class! I'm an art major un!" Deidara complains while he pours over his rather large textbook.

"It's art history. I actually liked that class," Sasori says, snuggling up behind Deidara and glancing at the book from over his shoulder. They are seated on the floor in front of the couch, with Deidara's art history textbook taking up most of the tiny coffee table.

"How did you remember all these dates? Or the artist's names hm?"

"Well, don't you want to be remembered as a great artist someday? It's important to know the influence of other artists on your own work…if you think about it like that, then maybe it will help you," Sasori says.

Deidara turns and blinks at him, "You take everything so seriously un. You really would make a great teacher."

Sasori frowns, "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not…"

Deidara kisses his nose, "It is un. I just wish I was as interested in this stuff as you are."

"Make some flashcards to help study, that's what helped me remember the dates and the names," Sasori suggests, shifting slightly to get up.

"Where are you going un?"

"I'm going to make some tea, you want some? It's chilly in here," Sasori says. It's the first week of December, and the weather reports say there will be snow any day now.

"Sure. Although you were keeping me warm by cuddling behind me un!" Deidara whines.

Sasori smiles to himself as he brews the tea and calls out, "I'll be back in a minute, just make those flashcards." Sasori can hear Deidara mumbling about how it's too cold to study and he smirks to himself, thinking about all the various ways he can keep Deidara warm throughout the winter.

….

Once their tea mugs are empty and Deidara has finally finished writing up his flashcards, Sasori quizzes him, asking him questions about the artworks, dates, and artists from the past. Deidara answers most of them correctly, missing only a few questions here and there. When he's thinking hard about something, he bites his bottom lip and shuts his eyes, and Sasori loves seeing him like that – concentrating hard and looking absolutely adorable.

Deidara paces back and forth across the room as Sasori quizzes him. "One last question," Sasori says, "who painted 'the blue guitarist'? and during what period?"

"Pablo Picasso during his blue period, around 1903 I think un?" Deidara inquires back.

"Correct. Now come sit down, you're going to do just fine on your final," Sasori says.

Deidara sighs and slumps on the couch, resting his head in Sasori's lap. Sasori brushes some blonde strands out of his face, so he can get a better look at his partner's smooth features. He loves the way Deidara's lips pout slightly outwards, and the crease that forms near his eyes when he laughs. He's studied each and every feature of Deidara's, printing it to his memory forever.

"Hey Danna?"

"Yes?"

"How many more exams do you have?" Deidara asks, zeroing his blue eyes up at Sasori.

"I have one more, on Tuesday. Then I'll be done for the semester. What about you? You have the art history one and then you're done too right?" Sasori's heard about Deidara's exam schedule one too many times as Deidara frantically stressed over it.

"Yeah un. I'll be finished Tuesday as well. We should celebrate that night…" Deidara suggests.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" Sasori asks curiously.

"Um," Deidara hides his face in Sasori's lap, so Sasori lifts it up, noting the scarlet blush.

"What is it?" Sasori asks.

"I-I was thinking we could do it," Deidara whispers.

"You want to do what?" Sasori thinks he knows what Deidara is implying, but he has to be sure.

"Go all the way un," Deidara explains, clinging onto Sasori's shirt, face beet red.

"A-are you sure? We don't have to do anything you don't want to." Sasori asks him. His ears are ringing.

"Yes un. I want to," Deidara says. Sasori picks him up and kisses him hard on the mouth, suddenly feeling desperate for attention from the cutest boyfriend in the world. He's lucky, so lucky to have Deidara by his side, and he doesn't ever want to lose him.

"You're sure?" Sasori asks again, his nose pressed up against Deidara's.

"Yes, for the hundredth time I'm sure un. It always feels good when you use your fingers or your tongue there, and sometimes I feel like I want more and I know I'm ready," Deidara rambles out. Now it's Sasori's turn to blush, thinking about all the times he's pleased Deidara by doing all those things he just listed out. The thought alone gets him excited.

"Okay, I'll make it a special night. You can stay over and I'll make sure no one else is home," Sasori promises. He's going to have to find a way to bribe Itachi and Shisui, and maybe Sasuke too…but Deidara is worth all the privacy.

"Really? Thanks Danna," Deidara says, giving him a big squeeze.

"Now, let's try not to think about it until then. Your main priority is to focus on doing well with this last exam," Sasori says, trying to assuage his own arousal.

"Right un," Deidara says, leaning back from the hug. "I-I should get going anyways, I need to study one more time."

…..

Sasori finishes his last exam and rushes home eagerly, ready to set up his place and surprise Deidara with romance. The first thing on his to do list is to get rid of his roommates.

"Hey Sasuke," Sasori finds him sitting on the couch, flipping mindlessly through the channels. "What are you up to today?"

"If you want the place to yourself you can relax, I'm spending the night at Naruto's dump," Sasuke says.

Well, that was easy Sasori thinks. "Where's Itachi and Shisui?"

"Shisui went home early to visit his parents, and Itachi tagged along with him. It was sort of a last minute decision, they didn't have a chance to say goodbye to you. Shisui's parents are going out of town and they want him to house sit, so of course he convinced big brother to come along," Sasuke says, as though the thought is disgusting.

The timing couldn't be better. Sasori tries to contain his excitement in front of Sasuke. He begins making preparations for the big night, hoping Sasuke doesn't ask him any questions. Sasuke leaves about an hour later, and Sasori is finally left alone to do as he pleases.

He wants their first experience to be a memorable, joyful one, so he's looked up ideas on the internet about how to romance your partner. He isn't a particularly romantic guy, so he figured he might need some help to find the best way to impress Deidara.

Once everything is ready, he drives to campus to pick up Deidara, who looks extra gorgeous tonight. His hair is all tied up in a ponytail, as opposed to his usual half-up hairdo. He smells amazing, like fresh cinnamon rolls. His eyeliner is a little thicker than usual, and it makes his blue eyes pop out extravagantly. Sasori almost wants to pin him down and take him in the car, but he knows that sort of thing would upset Deidara. So he waits until they get to his home, hoping that Deidara will like his set up.

Sasori grabs Deidara's bags, trying to be as chivalrous as possible. "Thanks Danna, I could carry it though," Deidara says.

"No need, I'm going to pamper you tonight," Sasori says, planting a soft kiss on Deidara's cheek. "Are you hungry?"

"I already ate un," Deidara says, looking a little flustered by the fact that he's going to be spoiled by his Danna.

"Alright then, come in," Sasori says in his most seductive voice, ushering Deidara across the threshold. He hears a loud gasp behind him as Deidara takes in his surroundings.

There are dimly lit candles on every tabletop, creating a translucent glow around the room. Serene music emanates from Sasori's bedroom, he chose to play classical tunes, per the internet's suggestion. On the floor is a trail of rose petals, leading towards Sasori's opened bedroom door.

Deidara stands in the doorway for several seconds, stunned. Sasori worries that this is too much, that maybe he's being overly romantic or cliché. But then Deidara turns to him, "This is so sweet Danna! I didn't expect this!"

Sasori takes his hand, "I told you I would take care of you tonight. I want this to be a night you'll never forget." They walk carefully across the trail of rose petals towards Sasori's room, and Deidara squeals once he sees all the rose petals on Sasori's bed, and the single rose sitting in the middle.

Sasori picks up the rose and hands it to Deidara, bowing slightly, "for you, Deidara." Deidara takes the rose and inhales deeply of its scent before placing it on the bedside table. He then chuckles slightly and tackles Sasori, both falling on the bed, causing the rose petals bounce up into the air.

Deidara is still laughing on top of him, "What's so funny?" Sasori asks, feeling slightly annoyed. He figured by now Deidara would be a mushy puddle in his arms, kissing him and telling him how wonderful he is.

"I'm just so happy to be with you! I never knew you had such a romantic side un, it's really cute," Deidara says, "this is very unlike you, very different from the grouchy Sasori that I know."

"Well…it's only for you…if you ever tell anyone about this…" Sasori bites his tongue. He doesn't want to threaten his boyfriend on their romantic evening together.

"There's the Danna I know," Deidara says before leaning down to kiss Sasori softly.

Deidara's kiss is hungry and passionate, there's a longing behind it that Sasori hasn't previously felt. It turns him on and he rolls them over, so that he's now on top of Deidara. Deidara makes a tiny squealing noise in the back of his throat, but they don't break their kiss. Once on top, Sasori pushes his tongue through the kiss, making it deeper and more frenzied. They make out frantically for a few moments, fingers gliding up and down each other's bodies, but not yet discarding any clothes. They are desperate for each other, but want to take things as slowly as possible, and savor in the moment.

Eventually, Sasori leans back from the kiss and places his hands on both sides of Deidara's face, lifting himself up to look down at him. "I like your hair like that," Sasori says.

"Yeah un?"

"Yes, it looks sexy pulled back like that. You always look sexy though," Sasori purrs, bending down and nipping Deidara's ear.

Then he's kissing along Deidara's neck, and his fingers are dancing up under Deidara's shirt. Sasori grinds his hips against Deidara's, and he can feel the length of Deidara's cock, already firm. He slides his hands farther up his chest, exposing more of Deidara's skin. Sasori's tongue is soon laving across Deidara's nipples and chest, hitting every tender spot, causing Deidara to begin stirring beneath him.

He pulls Deidara's shirt off and then connects their lips together again. He could never give Deidara too many kisses, there's no such thing. Kissing Deidara is so wonderful, so heavenly, that Sasori sometimes wonders how he can ever stop. This kiss is particularly long, languid and needy, as the two intertwine their bodies and moan deep in their throats. When Sasori parts from the kiss, Deidara is panting, cheeks hot and mouth wide open. He mumbles something about Sasori's shirt, and so that is taken off too, and then Deidara's fingers are ghosting over Sasori's chest, and the minimum contact alone makes Sasori go wild. He can't believe he has this perfect being right here under him, mere fingertips away.

Sasori slides his hand under Deidara's pants, and begins to palm his length, softly and smoothly. Deidara groans and shuts his eyes, turning his head to the side. Sasori tugs down on Deidara's pants, then pulls them off completely, along with his boxers. Deidara looks breathtakingly beautiful, naked on a bed of rose petals, and Sasori is entranced for a moment, unable to look away. He cusps the underside of Deidara's cock, fondling his balls a little with his fingertips. He promised Deidara this would be a night never to forget, and after all their previous sexual experiences, Sasori knows just how to do that. He knows what makes Deidara tick, he's memorized all the details of Deidara's body, and has a keen sense of Deidara's fetishes and quirks.

So he begins by tonguing Deidara's balls, something that gets an immediate reaction from the blonde. Deidara squirms upwards and his hips rise involuntarily. Sasori then spins Deidara over, so that Deidara lays on his stomach. He continues to lap at Deidara from behind, giving attention to his balls and then working his way up to his perfect ass. Deidara sits up on his elbows and moves his hips back towards Sasori as he kisses and nips at the sensitive area around Deidara's hole, teasing him.

While doing this, Sasori has one hand gripped around Deidara's length, tugging up and down slowly, feeling every pulse and throb. Sasori licks one finger and inserts it into Deidara, not too fast, making sure that Deidara feels comfortable beneath him. Deidara moans loudly and pushes his hips back into Sasori's hand, and then Sasori is finger-fucking him, and watching as Deidara succumbs to his pleasures.

Sasori loves feeling Deidara like this, he's like ice cream, melting and dripping into Sasori's fingers, pliable and soft. Sasori can't wait to know what it's like to be totally buried inside him, but he knows he has to take his time, and prepare Deidara. He grabs a bottle of lube that sits on the bedside table, and dexterously opens it with one hand, keeping his other hand busy on Deidara. Once open, he squeezes the lube onto Deidara's ass, and Deidara squeals, not expecting this. "That's cold un!"

"Sorry, I'll rub it in," Sasori says as his hands become drenched with the stuff. He rubs it along Deidara's cheeks and then goes back to his hole, inserting two fingers this time.

"Mmm…feels warm now," Deidara moans.

"It gets hot as you rub it on the skin," Sasori explains, "I bought it for this occasion. Does it feel good?" Sasori parts his two fingers slightly, slowly opening and stretching Deidara out. Deidara groans and clenches his hands on the sheets, nodding.

Sasori bends over Deidara's backside and starts planting soft kisses along his skin, counting the few splatter of freckles there. He pushes in a third finger inside Deidara, noting how the muscle instinctually becomes a little tighter around him. Deidara groans and Sasori whispers, "are you okay? I just put in a third finger."

"Yeah un, I can feel it," Deidara replies. "It's okay…just a little slower maybe."

Sasori complies, moving his fingers in and out as slowly as possible, trying not to focus on that squishing noise that accompanies his movements. Deidara soon begins to pant again, and then he's muttering something unintelligible. "What?" Sasori asks.

"F-faster un," Deidara moans. Sasori does as he's told, moving his three fingers faster, and he even stretches them out, very carefully, opening Deidara up wider than he's ever been.

"T-take off your pants," Deidara demands. Sasori blinks, trying to comprehend what is happening here. Then he pulls back and strips down, crawling back on the bed fast when he hears the whiny, needy moans of Deidara.

He puts his fingers back inside Deidara and rubs his cock along Deidara's thighs, letting him know how aroused he is. Deidara clamps his mouth shut with his hand, and Sasori has this desire to see Deidara's face, to know what he looks like. So Sasori tugs Deidara's ponytail slightly, not trying to be too rough. "Look at me," Sasori grunts.

Deidara turns, and Sasori feels himself pulsate into him, thrusting instinctually. Deidara's cheeks are flushed, his pupils are blown, and his mouth is open and wet, panting harshly with a slightly crazed, wild look about him. Sasori hasn't even entered him yet and he already looks so sexy, so delicious. Sasori groans, he wonders how long he can last.

"Do it un, put it in," Deidara says. His voice is commanding, but doesn't betray the hint of slight anxiety in there. He's ready for this physically, but mentally, he still has some hang ups.

"Are you sure?" Sasori strokes his fingers down Deidara's back, eliciting a slight shiver from the blonde. "We can take our time."

"I'm tired of waiting," Deidara breathes. His resolve is more firm this time, so Sasori nods and places the tip at Deidara's entrance. He then opens the bottle of lube and rubs a generous amount on his cock, making sure that there's no room for dry uncomfortable friction between them.

"M-more of that stuff un?" Deidara asks.

"I want to make sure it slides in okay," Sasori replies as he strokes down to his base, covering himself with the sticky substance, and noting the warm, tingling sensation of the lubricant. It feels wonderful.

Deidara squirms impatiently against the sheets, and Sasori places a hand on his ass, soothing him. He lines up his cock at the entrance again, heart hammering in his chest. The way Deidara looks right now, legs spread and ready for him, makes Sasori feel like a light switch is turned on in his head. This is all new, and wonderfully hot. Sasori carefully, slowly, places the tip inside Deidara, feeling the tightness of Deidara's muscles as they squeeze around him. It's good. Very good.

Deidara is quiet at first, as though he's trying his best not to whimper. Sasori places one hand on Deidara's length, slowly stroking him up and down to keep him pleased. He's read online about how it can hurt the first time for a guy, but that it also feels really good. There's a spot that, if he finds it, will make Deidara go nuts.

Sasori pushes in a little deeper and then Deidara is gasping, a short and hollow little moan. "You alright?" Sasori asks, stopping all movements.

Deidara sucks in a breath, and his legs are a little quaky. "It's okay un. Just a little sting. Keep going."

Sasori moves forward just slightly, and Deidara yelps again. Sasori stops, ready to pull out, "are you sure?"

"Yes! I just have to get used to it. It's a little painful…but there's this sense of something good there too un." Deidara's words run through Sasori's head like a thick liquid. It takes him time to process this, that it feels both good and bad at the same time. The silver lining is there. This is going to be okay. He isn't going to hurt him…at least, not too much.

And so Sasori doesn't pull out, but instead, pushes in, steady and slow. By the time he's in fully, almost balls deep, it feels like an eternity has passed. But he's made it, he's there, and Deidara is okay. In fact, Deidara is panting hard and heavy breaths, and his skin is warm to the touch. He's still clenching the sheets beneath him and he turns, looking back at Sasori with wild, glazed eyes.

He gives Sasori a slight smile and says, "start thrusting un." Sasori blinks, bewildered. Being inside Deidara fully like this made him forget what to do, how to have sex, how to move. His mind is totally blank.

Sasori hurriedly corrects this, pulling out and then pushing back in again, still going slow, but definitely a pace faster than the first time. He finds a steady rhythm, pushing in and out in long, slow strides, until he hears Deidara choke out another gasp, and his hips back up against Sasori's.

"Okay?"

"Yeah un. You- hit- that spot," he breathes out each syllable slowly, as though he can barely think straight. "Do it again."

Sasori's grip tightens on Deidara's hips and he pulls them back, all the way, until he's buried so deep he has to take a few seconds to remember how to breathe. The combination of warmth and tightness is incredible, he's never felt anything like this before. Deidara moans quietly in his throat, silently begging Sasori to do it again.

Sasori complies, thrusting his hips and building speed each time he does, until he can feel that shakiness of Deidara's legs stop. Its replaced by movement of Deidara's hips as he pushes back into Sasori, keeping up with Sasori's rhythm. It's extremely hot, and tantalizing, watching Deidara thrusting his own hips back and hearing his subtle, yet needy moans.

"Does it still hurt?" Sasori asks through panted breaths.

"Not so much anymore," Deidara says. He sounds relieved, and a little overwhelmed.

"Do you wanna go on top?" Sasori suggests. He has that burning desire to see Deidara's face again, to lose himself in those blue eyes. He leans over Deidara's back and nips at his ear, then licks a line over the nape of his neck. Deidara nods, his ponytail bobbing, blonde strands covering and sticking to his cheek.

Sasori pulls out and Deidara shifts, turning around to look at him. Sasori gulps at the sight before him. Deidara is covered in a light layer of sweat, his eyes are determined and full of hungry lust. Sasori sees stars as he looks upon Deidara, and he wonders how it's possible that Deidara's never had a boyfriend before now.

Sasori moves up beside him and reclines against the pillows, propping himself up in a sitting position. Deidara sits back, crawls the length of Sasori's legs and straddles his hips. Sasori is glad he suggested this position, he's immediately drawn to Deidara's body on top of his own, immediately turned on and more excited than before (if that's even possible).

Deidara leans forwards and kisses Sasori once, quick, and then stares down at his dick. "We can take it slow again," Sasori suggests, noting the flash of worry that passes over Deidara's eyes. It's as if looking at the thing makes it seem more real to Deidara, perhaps. He just had it in him, but that was from behind, where he couldn't see what was going on.

Deidara shakes his head, "I want you in me, fast. I feel empty now without you un." A dust of red covers Deidara's cheeks and Sasori's eyes widen at that admission. He places his hands on Deidara's hips and guides him over his dick, ready to be inside him once more.

Deidara braces a palm on Sasori's chest and then lowers himself down. He seems comfortable, more at ease, now that he's in charge of his own movements. He sinks up and down a few times before he can take him all the way again. Deidara squeezes his eyes closed, thighs quivering against Sasori's waist. Sasori has his head rolled back on the pillows, mouth open and breath easing out in one long sigh. He wants Deidara to move faster, but he knows Deidara needs time to get used to it, so he sits there and tries is best not to thrust up too hard into Deidara. With Deidara in control, looking so sexy and wonderful riding him up and down, Sasori feels like he's about to crumble any second now. A simple lustful look from Deidara sends his head spinning, and then he's groaning, begging Deidara to ride him a little faster, through clenched teeth.

And then Deidara finds his own rhythm, his own pace as he moves faster, taking Sasori in and out with more ease each time. His fingers crawl up to Sasori's shoulders, and he digs his nails in there, perhaps involuntarily. Sasori's fingers trail up Deidara's spine, up towards the nape of his neck, where he rests them. Deidara sinks down lower this time, legs shaking slightly, taking Sasori in deeper than he thought was even possible. Sasori lets out a strangled sort of cry, not expecting the immense and enormous pleasure that that tight squeeze could elicit. Everything is warm, and wet and packed against his throbbing member, and he swallows, trying hard not to reach his climax just yet.

Deidara is clearly having more fun with this now. He's rolling his head back and forth in time with his powerful driving movements. His hair sways back and forth, like he's some kind of expert go-go dancer, and Sasori is his pole. Having Deidara on top like this was definitely a good decision. He's in his element, in control, and somehow, knows exactly what to do.

"You are amazing," Sasori's voice sounds distant to him behind the rush of blood in his head. Deidara smirks proudly to himself, bouncing up and down and pulsing his hips forward slightly, changing the angle so that Sasori has to breathe out another long winded gasp as the air is seemingly forced from his lungs. Although he's the one inside Deidara, he's clearly the one being fucked by Deidara, this monstrous power bottom who has Sasori wrapped around his finger.

"Mmm Danna," Deidara's voice is a low mewl, "touch me, please."

Sasori immediately wraps his hand around Deidara's hard length, he can feel how close Deidara is now. He jerks up and down in rhythm with Deidara's movements, watching how the sensations from both ends affects the blonde, who is practically squirming and writhing with pleasure. Deidara throws his head back and sighs audibly.

His bare chest is gleaming with sweat, toned muscles slightly bulging as his body begins to strain with need, that coil inside him growing tighter and tighter, ready for release. Sasori rakes his fingers up Deidara's bare chest, grabs his neck, and pulls him down roughly, colliding their lips together in a passionate kiss. Sasori's chest swells as he and Deidara kiss, all tongues and lips and breathy moans, and he thinks back to all the wonderful, tender moments he's shared with this amazing person. His heart feels ready to burst. He's never felt this level of intimacy, of true closeness, with anyone else in his entire life.

Deidara rears up and slams back down again, increasing his speed with an amazing amount of stamina. Sasori's eyes roll back and his mouth is open, gasping and panting for air. Everything feels tight and hot and slick, he digs his fingers into Deidara's skin, crawling them back down to Deidara's navel. And then he's grasping Deidara's hardened, firm member again, and then they are both lost in a fog of pure ecstasy, stars dancing before their vision, a mixture of adrenaline and lust pumping through their veins.

They reach the climax together, Sasori feels Deidara's hips squeeze around him, thighs shaking as he releases. Sasori hugs Deidara close to him, bumping his forehead against Deidara's chest as he pushes into Deidara, spilling inside him until there's nothing left.

They are both panting fast now, and Deidara carefully pulls up, leaving a dripping mess in Sasori's lap. He sits back down on top, gently, getting in a more comfortable position.

Their foreheads knock together and they stare at each other longingly, mirroring their affection for one another. Sasori kisses Deidara lightly on the lips and pulls back, still catching his breath. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing un. That was…" Deidara searches for the right word.

"Perfect," Sasori says, completing his sentence. "I've never seen you like that, taking control, with such sexy power. Damn."

Deidara chuckles, "I didn't know I had that in me." He shifts a little and winces, "although maybe that wasn't the best idea for my first time…I think I'll be a little sore tomorrow…"

"Here, lay next to me," Sasori insists, patting the bed.

Deidara blushes, "I'll make a big mess…I can still feel all the um…you know…inside me un."

Sasori chuckles, "I have more bed sheets. Or we could take a shower if you'd like?"

"A shower would be good," Deidara says, looking down into the mess of cum, lube and sweat sitting in Sasori's lap.

Once in the shower, Deidara lets his shoulders relax a little, but then he wrinkles his nose, "how am I supposed to clean it out…of there?"

Sasori laughs, "how should I know? Won't it just…slip out?"

Deidara already has half the bar of soap shoved up his ass, "Gross un, gay sex is gross."

"Hm," Sasori says, kissing Deidara's forehead, "you seemed to rather enjoy it though."

"Well yeah un, I was with you, and it felt good. That doesn't dismiss the fact that it's still gross. We'll probably have to take a shower after we do it every time," Deidara says, looking at his backside and scrubbing relentlessly.

Sasori hugs him from behind, wrapping his arms around Deidara's chest (and causing Deidara to drop the soap), "That's alright with me. This means there will be a next time?"

"Yeah un, of course. Maybe not tomorrow…we'll see how sore I am. But definitely," Deidara says with a smile. Sasori's heart swoops and his grip tightens around Deidara. He's happy, possibly the happiest he's ever felt in his life.

….

"Hey Danna?"

"Yeah?" They are laying back in bed, clean and sated, holding onto each other, noses pressed up together.

"Today has been absolutely amazing. Thank you." Sasori can see every detail of Deidara's face in this position, he swipes back a few of his blonde hairs out of his face, observing every one of his perfections.

"I never even asked you, how did your art history exam go?" Sasori recalls the reason they are having this little celebration in the first place. The semester is over, they're free to go back home and enjoy winter break any day now.

"It was easy un. All thanks to you," Deidara says gratefully.

"Well, you're the one who put in all the effort studying. I'm glad it paid off," Sasori tells him. "Now we can both relax, it's winter break."

"Yeah un, I was meaning to ask you about that. Are you going home for the break?"

"I suppose so, I'll have to visit granny at least for Christmas. What about you?" Sasori wonders if he'll be able to see Deidara over break, or if Deidara's parents will want him home the whole time.

"My family wants me to come back soon, my parents miss me. My mom has been asking about you too, they want you to come for our Christmas party," Deidara says, "I mean, we both live on the same street right? I can't believe we never knew each other when we were growing up, our only encounter was when you scared off those bullies for me."

Sasori takes a moment to process all this information before replying, "Well, I'm older than you, so we never had school together, and I never really went out in the neighborhood much. But anyways, you told your mom about me?"

"Yeah un, of course. You're my boyfriend. Didn't you tell your grandma about me?"

"Well yeah, I mentioned it, but it's not like she really cares…I told you, she's kind of homophobic," Sasori remembers talking to her a few weeks ago, when he was in good spirits after attaining the part time job as a teacher assistant. She asked how everything else was going at the time, and he let it slip that he had a boyfriend. She said she was happy for him, but he didn't buy it. Deep down, his grandmother will always be the same nagging, rule oriented, conservative old bat she's always been.

"Well, I still want to meet her someday. Maybe I can change her mind un," Deidara says, half-jokingly.

"Really? You want to meet my grandmother?" Sasori is surprised.

"Yeah un. And I want you to meet my parents too," Deidara says excitedly.

Sasori rolls his head back onto the pillow so that he's looking up at the ceiling. He feels a small weight on his chest, he never thought he would have to ever interact with Deidara's family…but of course, this is what people do when they're in a committed relationship. "What if your parents don't like me? I'm not the best as making first impressions…and I'm not good at small talk…or conversations in general really…"

"Danna, don't worry so much. It'll be fine. They already know practically everything about you anyways," Deidara reassures him.

This only increases Sasori's worries however, "You told them everything about me?" He wonders what Deidara said. Did Deidara talk him up? Does he have to live up to some heightened expectations?

"Well, not everything. But a lot of stuff, yeah. Like that you and I are art majors, and you live with your granny across the street, and that you're an amazing teacher, the usual stuff," Deidara explains.

"Hm. I've never known anyone who wanted to talk about me to others so much," Sasori groans. He doesn't understand it, really. How could Deidara gush about all these boring details about him to his parents? Did they really care to hear about their son's boyfriend so much? Are they really okay with their son being gay? He's never known what it's like to have a family member accept him for that…

"Well of course I like talking about you to everyone," Deidara says, as if it were obvious.

"Why?" Sasori asks, turning over on his side again to look Deidara straight in the eye.

Deidara is blushing, and Sasori blinks, confused. Did he say something strange? Why is it taking Deidara so long to respond?

"Well, it's because…I love you," Deidara says.

Sasori is frozen solid, unsure for a moment of how to think or breathe. There's something warm and bright that lights up inside him, and his heart is jumping, nearly achingly so, pounding so fast he can't hear a thing.

Love.

Deidara said it. Those three words. Words which Sasori has never heard before from someone besides his parents and grandmother…and that was long ago, eons ago, before his parents passed away. The words are empty now when his granny says it (which is rare). But this, the way Deidara said it, so candidly, and with that look…Sasori knows he means it.

But how is that possible? When did that happen? And does Sasori feel the same way? Well…of course. He never thought about it until now, never really reflected on the feelings he has for Deidara, but it's definitely there. It's been there for a while. Love.

But for some reason, he can't bring himself to say it. He can't say anything. All he can do is stare at Deidara, until Deidara loses control under that piercing gaze and starts rambling out all sorts of nonsense, "I mean, I know it's a little early to say that un, and you don't have to say anything back, really, I don't expect you to. But I really do mean it Danna. That's the reason I knew I was ready for tonight, to go all the way with you. I always knew I wanted to do that with the person I loved, and well, I do love you…and-" Deidara hides his face in the pillow to shut himself up, "-okay I'll be quiet now." His voice is muffled by the pillow, and Sasori can sense his embarrassment, emanating forth like a heat wave.

Still unable to react with words, Sasori simply pulls back Deidara's face from the pillow and kisses him, hard. He doesn't know what else to do, and this just seems right. His entire body feels numb and inflated with emotions, with feelings that he's never experienced before. He tries his best to put forth all those feelings with that kiss, to tell Deidara with his actions what he's thinking.

They pull back and Deidara looks up at him, astonished. Sasori knows he should say something. Now is the time.

But still, he holds back. He's scared. He's never said those words to anyone.

So instead, he holds Deidara tight, never letting him go, and the two eventually fall asleep, drifting into the night world of dreams.

…

Ring, ring, ring!

"Ugh…what time is it un?"

Ring, ring, ring!

"Is that my phone?" Sasori rubs his eyes, the sun isn't even up all the way yet, it's still dark in his room. "Who's calling me right now?"

"Let it go to voicemail…" Deidara slurs through a sleepy voice. He holds onto Sasori tighter and closes his eyes. Sasori is about to do the same when his phone starts ringing again.

"Argh, I'll tell them to call back, give me a second," Sasori says, disentangling from Deidara's hold and grabbing his phone. He doesn't even see who's calling. "Hello?" he tries not to sound too disgruntled.

"Hey Sasori." Sasori is shocked to hear his cousin Kankuro's voice on the other line.

Sasori quickly hurries out into the kitchen, afraid that his conversation will wake Deidara. "Hey Kankuro, what's going on? Why are you calling me so early? What time is it anyways?"

"It's around 6am I think," Kankuro says. His voice is hollow. "I've been at granny's place all night with my dad."

"Uncle Rasa is with you?" Sasori is surprised. What are they doing at his granny's house? He rarely sees his cousins Kankuro or Gaara, even though Gaara goes to the same school as he does. They haven't always gotten along with Granny Chiyo, her son Rasa had one too many arguments with her and cut ties a long time ago.

"Well…um, I don't really know how to say this…" he chokes a little, and Sasori is startled.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Granny…was sick," Kankuro says.

"Sick? With what? And what do you mean by she 'was sick'?" Sasori's heart is racing, and his palms are suddenly sweaty.

"She had cancer," Kankuro explains.

"What? When? Why did she never tell me?" Sasori's head is spinning uncomfortably now.

"Well, she didn't want you to worry. She only just told my dad and I a week ago, as things got worse…and then…last night…she passed away…" Kankuro's voice is distant now, as though it's just an echo through a thick fog.

Sasori had been pacing through the kitchen, but immediately stopped in his tracks. Everything shattered around him. Dead? His grandmother…is dead?

"I should've called you a few days ago, but granny insisted that I don't tell you. She said you had finals to worry about, and that you were happy. She didn't want to upset you. I don't think she realized how close she was to…the end," Kankuro is spewing things out now, but Sasori isn't really listening. "But, the point is, we'll need you home soon…today if possible. We have to make funeral arrangements and such…and I still need to call Gaara too…but since you lived with her for so long after your parents passed away, I figured I would call you first…so…"

"Yeah," Sasori finally manages a word, one single syllable. "I'll come. Be there soon." He promptly hangs up the phone, unable to say anything else.

This is too much. Too sudden. Too unexpected.

Sasori doesn't quite understand what he's feeling at that moment. Shock. Fear. Pain. Anger. Numbness.

He has to sit down at the kitchen table for a few minutes. His hands are shaking and he feels faint. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Why didn't she say anything? He spoke with her more often throughout the semester than he usually does…she had sounded perfectly normal on the phone…had he ever once asked her how she was doing? He always assumed things were the same, that things were normal.

He knows he should cry, that it would be a normal reaction, but he simply can't. All he feels is immense shock, wracking through his body like a poison. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to come home for Christmas and greet her like always, and maybe even introduce her to his boyfriend, Deidara.

That's right, Deidara. He's still here, in Sasori's bed. Sasori gets up, numbly walking across the kitchen back to his room, feeling like a ghost sliding over the floors, soft and quiet and dead inside.

He kisses Deidara's cheek, wondering how he can ever explain all this to him. Perhaps he doesn't have to. He doesn't know if he wants to.

Deidara looks so innocent, and carefree, asleep in his bed. Sasori's heart feels heavy, looking at him like that. He doesn't want to bring pain into Deidara's life, and telling Deidara what he just heard will most certainly bring him pain.

Deidara never knew Sasori's grandmother, but there's no doubt that he'll want to be there for Sasori. He'll want to comfort him, provide his support, and listen to him. Sasori's heart swells at just the thought of Deidara being there for him, and loving him.

But Sasori still isn't sure how to tell Deidara about this. He couldn't even tell Deidara last night that he loves him. He's anxious all of a sudden, thinking about how to handle this.

Maybe he should just get through this alone. He doesn't need to bring Deidara through this pain, this darkness of death. He's experienced it once before, when he was a young boy and his parents died.

He was only five at the time, and his parents had left for a couple's vacation. Sasori always admired his parents, he loved them endlessly. His grandmother stayed over to watch him that weekend while they were away. When they didn't come back at the end of the weekend, Sasori naturally questioned her. Where were they? What happened?

But his granny assured him that they would come back, soon.

Days passed, and Sasori soon found out for himself. He heard the conversations granny had over the phone, about how she was going to tell the 'little one' and how she knew he couldn't handle seeing the 'gruesomeness' and how it had to be a 'closed casket' at the funeral. He figured out that his parents had died in a car accident on the way back from their trip, and that he was never going to see them again.

And his grandmother couldn't tell him at the time, she couldn't be honest. It was the first rift in their relationship, and it was one that Sasori never got over, one that he had never forgiven her for.

Things only got worse when she became his legal guardian and enforced her strict rules, keeping him home all the time and scolding him to study and do his chores.

So of course, Sasori grew to dislike his grandmother. He grew into a secretive person, not feeling comfortable telling her anything. He kept his own sexuality a secret from himself and others for so long…and he became a mysterious, bottled up creature, one who hid his emotions and put on a stoic, fake face for others.

Deidara was the only one able to break through, to reach Sasori's heart through all those layers, to get to know him deeper than anyone else in this world. Deidara brought him happiness; Deidara loves him.

Before he knows what's happening, Sasori is crying, his tears dripping down onto Deidara's cheek. He's sobbing uncontrollably, hiccupping and messy and wailing like some dying animal.

Deidara stirs awake and looks up at Sasori with concern, baffled by his tears. He sits up instantly and pulls Sasori into a hug, not asking any questions, just doing what he knows Sasori needs. Sasori sobs and whimpers into Deidara's shoulder, feeling Deidara's hand smooth up and down his back.

"What happened?" Deidara asks, once Sasori is no longer heaving.

Sasori decides at that moment that he can't lie to Deidara. It will hurt, but he has to tell him the truth. He can't hide things like his grandmother did. "That call was from my cousin Kankuro…my grandmother, she was sick…and she died last night."

Deidara's eyes are soft, and already wet with tears. He looks lost for words, stunned silent. "I don't know what to say…that's terrible. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to say anything," Sasori says, holding him tighter.

They hold still like that for a few moments, before Sasori is finally ready to face what comes next. He's in a fog as he quickly packs up his things for home, and then drops Deidara off at campus. Deidara pleaded Sasori to come with him, said that he could get his things together fast and ride along with him back home, but Sasori refused. Today, he needs to get to his family and be there alone.

He doesn't know when he'll see Deidara again. He isn't sure of anything, when he drives away. All he knows is the way back home, and the gnawing, twisting feeling in his gut that won't seem to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this is quite a long chapter, sorry about that guys- tried to cut down where I could, but I felt like all of this had to be from Sasori's perspective. And I know it's quite an emotional up and down ride, this one! Ah! I hope you guys keep reading and reviewing and enjoying! Thank you all!


	16. A Cold Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara is lonely, waiting for Sasori to answer him.

"I love you," Deidara tells Sasori when he gets out of his car. Sasori nods and kisses Deidara on the cheek before leaving. He has an empty, dark look in his eyes. He doesn't say a word, not even a goodbye, before driving away and leaving Deidara there alone in front of his dorm building.

Deidara's stomach feels small and twisted up, his hands are shaking, and his chest is tight. He walks up to his room slowly, not sure how to process what just happened.

Maybe he shouldn't feel this upset, it isn't his grandmother who died, it's Sasori's. And he never met her. And Sasori didn't really care for her…or so he said.

But Deidara can't get the image of Sasori sobbing his heart out into him this morning. Deidara wants to be there for Sasori through this time, and to hold him tight, and remind him that things will be okay. But Sasori just dropped him off here, let him go, and said he didn't need help. Sasori wants to shut him out and be alone, as he always does, when he's feeling upset.

Deidara is glad for the absence of Naruto when he gets in, because all he wants to do is cry in despair. He lays on his bed and lets the tears shake out, covering his pillow with them.

And perhaps it shouldn't hurt this much, but Deidara can't stop thinking about how his love is unreturned. He told Sasori, truthfully, that he loves him. But Sasori didn't reciprocate. Sure, he had held him close and kissed him hard last night…but Deidara still isn't sure what the redhead was thinking at that moment. Is he scared to say it back? Or does he simply not feel that way towards Deidara?

Now isn't the time for such selfish thoughts. Sasori's in a dark place, after losing the person who raised him and acted as his guardian for almost his whole life…Deidara's heard of Sasori's past, and how his parents died. Although Sasori is resentful towards his grandmother, there's still that sense that she is family, his only family. And now she's gone.

Deidara cries in bed for a few minutes, not sure what else to do. After sobbing and heaving for a while and letting it all out, he gets up and showers. When he returns to his dorm, he finds Naruto and Sasuke there, packing up Naruto's things.

"Oh hey," Deidara greets, hoping his voice won't betray that he's been crying.

"Hey Deidara," Naruto looks excited, "I finally finished all my exams! I'm leaving this afternoon with Sasuke, how about you?"

"My parents are picking me up tomorrow," Deidara says.

"That's great. Are you going to spend the holidays with Sasori? He lives in your same hometown right?" Naruto asks.

Deidara shrugs his shoulders, not sure how to relate to Naruto everything that happened. It's too much to explain. So instead, he busies himself by packing his belongings, getting ready to go home for winter break. He listens to Naruto and Sasuke laugh and joke around with each other, and he feels loneliness pit in his stomach. He hopes Sasori can reach out to him soon, otherwise, it's going to be a long, lonely break.

….

"Ugh," Deidara groans, "is he breaking up with me?"

Kuro shifts on his bed and looks down at his slumped, slightly deformed figure on the ground, "He isn't going to break up with you."

"It's been a week and a half and I still haven't heard from him. I tried texting and calling him…I know he needs his space un…but shouldn't he call me at least once? I'm sure the funeral is over by now…he's definitely breaking up with me." Deidara clenches his fist in an effort to ward off the tears. He's cried too much this break already.

"He isn't going to do that. If he does, then he's crazy," Kuro says.

"How do you know what he's thinking hm?"

"Well, I've seen the way he looks at you. And he's careful, he wouldn't have sex with you unless he wanted to and unless he meant it. He cares for you," Kuro adds, trying to perk him up.

"Maybe he just wanted to 'hit it and quit it'," Deidara says with air quotes, "Or maybe he realized he just doesn't love me…"

"He does love you."

"Then why didn't he say so?" Deidara feels so frustrated. He grabs a pillow from the floor and flings it across the room, "Why is he like this? Why can't he just tell me how he feels!?"

"Dei," Kuro comes up and hugs him from behind, "I think he just doesn't understand how to express his feelings properly. Have you tried visiting him? Maybe you can bring him some flowers or something? Christmas is around the corner, see if he'll come over for dinner."

Deidara is crying, once again. It takes him a few deep breaths before he can respond, "O-okay un. Will you come with me? I'll go visit him."

"Of course," Kuro says gently, rubbing his shoulder.

They go to buy some flowers and decide on a small pot of white orchids. The florist informed them that white flowers serve as a symbol of sympathy, so they figured orchids would be best.

They arrive at Sasori's front door, Deidara knows which house is his, although he's never been there before. The house is quite nice on the outside, very elaborate and fancy looking. Deidara's always admired the home from afar.

He knocks tentatively, wondering what Sasori's reaction will be. If Sasori truly wants to break up, then now would be the best time to get it over with. Then at least Deidara would have closure. Being apart with no contact for this long is driving him mad.

But it isn't Sasori who answers, "hello?"

"Hi, um, is Sasori home? I brought some flowers by, for –uh- his loss. I'm Deidara, and this is my friend Kurotsuchi," Deidara says awkwardly to the brunette haired boy at the door.

"Oh, you're Deidara? I'm Kankuro, his cousin," Kankuro introduces himself and holds out his hand for Deidara to shake. Deidara shakes it awkwardly and then hands him the plant. "I'll make sure to give this to him."

"Is he not home? I was hoping to see him," Deidara asks, nearly pleading.

"He…" Kankuro drops his voice down a few notches, "he isn't exactly taking visitors right now. He isn't really in a good place…"

"I'm his boyfriend," Deidara says boldly.

"Yeah, I know," Kankuro says. Deidara feels a pinch of hope; so Sasori told his cousin about their relationship, maybe that's a good sign. "He told me he didn't want to see anyone though." And then the sliver of hope vanishes.

"Oh. Well, will you please give him the flowers for me? And make sure he reads the card un?" Deidara asks. Kuro takes his hand and squeezes it for support.

"Yeah, I will. I'll talk to him. He can't mope about forever," Kankuro says before closing the door on them.

…..

"Deidara, come down and have dinner," Deidara's mom calls from downstairs, "It's Christmas eve, please don't stay in your room all night!"

Deidara sighs and picks himself up off his bed, slumping down to the kitchen. It smells wonderful- hot turkey, cinnamon, and gingerbread permeates the air and hits his lungs with delight. It's a smell that brings pleasant, nostalgic memories to him. But he can't enjoy it fully, because he still can't get Sasori out of his mind.

As he eats dinner with his parents, listening half-heartedly to their conversation, he thinks back to his first semester of college. Every pleasant memory he has included Sasori. He and Sasori experienced so much together, and in such a short amount of time. He learned so much about Sasori, and in turn, learned things about himself too. To think that Sasori would just cut him out like this, and avoid him so coldly…it really brings up a sour taste in Deidara's mouth.

Up until now, Deidara has excused Sasori's behavior as due to his depression over his grandmother's death…but he can't exactly do that anymore. He can't hide that he feels angry, and upset at the redhead. How could Sasori do this? Just cease all contact after everything they went through together? Doesn't Deidara deserve some sort of explanation?

He knows that Sasori has troubles, ones that he's hidden deep below and buried for a long time. Maybe those demons are coming out now, and he doesn't know what to do…Deidara sighs and takes another bite of sweet potato. Sasori probably needs therapy, but he's too stubborn to listen to anyone about it.

Deidara still wants to help Sasori, even if he is angry with him. Perhaps, if Sasori had the right type of help, he could express himself better. He might be able to tell the truth about his feelings to Deidara. And that's all Deidara wants- the truth. He wants to know what is going on in that mysterious, secretive head of Sasori's.

After Christmas eve dinner, Deidara excuses himself for a few moments to do some research online. He looks up various therapy clinics, compiling a list of those that would be affordable or those that are open over the holidays (not many, but there are a few). Once he has his list ready, he sends a text to Sasori. He includes links to various sites, and explains it simply.

'Hello Sasori. I'm sending you some links to different therapy clinics. It's okay to ask for help. I love you.'

It's simple, and doesn't explain much, but it'll do. If Sasori is searching for an answer, or hope, maybe this will be the key. At least, that's what Deidara hopes for. It's his last attempt to reach out to Sasori before he too stops all contact. If Sasori wants to reach back out to him, he'll do it in time. And so Deidara waits. He bides his time with his family, trying to focus on spending quality time with his parents before he goes back to school in the spring. The start of next term begins January 5th, so Deidara has time to relax and gather his thoughts. He has time to visit with friends from high school, and hang out with Kuro. He has time to indulge in his artwork and catch up on his favorite TV shows. Most of all, he has time to think about all the wonderful memories he and Sasori shared together. If Sasori decides not to come back to him, then Deidara will at least have that. Pleasant memories that he doesn't want to smear with hatred or anger. So he holds onto the past, seals it away in his heart, so that he'll never forget. He never wants to forget Sasori, because, despite what will happen, Deidara knows that he will always love him.


	17. Sasori Afloat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasori is sinking under the weight of his anxiety and depression, but he receives help and pulls himself out of the waters.

The funeral had been difficult, seeing distant members of his family, all gathered around for the first time in years. It's sad, that all his family could never meet up for a family reunion unless someone had died. The thought disturbs him, and leaves him feeling hopeless about his family. They're all fakes, none of them really cared for Granny Chiyo. He himself despised her, yet also cared for her at the same time. She was the one who raised him, after all. He's been feeling conflicted since that funeral, not sure what to make of it all.

But the worst part was her will. She had left her house, which is already paid off, to him. Sasori was shocked to hear this, and he was even more surprised to find that she had left him a personalized note.

The note was sealed away in an envelope, and no one else has read it. Sasori lay in bed for a few days, arguing with himself back and forth on whether he should open it or not. A few times, he tried holding it over a fire, but then thought better of it. He once tried to ask Kankuro to open it and read it, but then thought batter of that too. He ended up keeping it on his desk, unopened and unread.

For Granny Chiyo to leave him her house though…that was something he had a hard time wrapping his mind around. He's a legal adult, she didn't have to leave him anything, as he can take care of himself. Was this out of pity? Or did she really think he deserved this house? He doesn't know. But somehow, being inside the house where his parents and then his grandmother passed on from, made him feel more depressed.

Time seemed to go by fast, and then slow, and then fast again as he laid in his room, thinking all too much about life. During this period of grief, he received numerous phone calls and texts from Deidara.

He wasn't sure how to respond to Deidara, so he didn't. In the back of his mind, he knew this was cruel, he knew it wasn't fair to Deidara, and he knew Deidara would be suffering. But he couldn't bear to have Deidara see him like this – lifeless, devoid of energy and with no will to live any longer.

And it wasn't just that he lost his grandmother. It was everything. All the anxieties and fears that he's been feeling his whole life, came crashing down on him. It was as if his grandmother's death opened a lid to a jar that was sealed inside of him. Negative thoughts, depression, and his anxieties…all of it released on the day that his grandmother died. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, could barely make it out of bed each morning. He felt like he was sinking, and drowning in a pit full of dark water.

He was feeling panic, once more, about his future. Sure, maybe he's resolved to become a teacher, but how was he going to accomplish that goal? Who would hire him right after graduation? Where was he going to go? What if he had to move? There were too many 'what ifs' and not enough answers…

Then there's the anxieties from his past, about being true to himself. For so long, Sasori has hid his true colors beneath a fake mask, one that society could accept. Now that he's out, now that he has a boyfriend, what will others think? He still has to reveal this truth to his extended family members, and to the rest of the judgmental world. Can he really handle all that stress? His self-confidence is barely non-existent…

And those thoughts brought on a slew of negative feelings towards his grandmother. If only she had raised him with love and respect, and taught him to be accepting of others, despite their differences…maybe things would've been changed. Their relationship could've thrived if only she could have accepted him for who he was, and given him the love that he so longingly craved after his parents died…if only she hadn't lied to him about his parents. Things could've been different, better. But maybe she tried her best…Sasori doesn't know. And he can't understand why she kept her cancer a secret, why she suffered alone and never told him…what was she thinking? Was she being selfish? Or did she really think she could save Sasori from this pain by keeping that fact from him? He doesn't know, and he can only feel anger towards her for it.

When he received orchids from Deidara, his heart felt swollen. He could sense Deidara's desperate cry for him to reach out to him, to talk to him. But he still couldn't bring himself to do anything. He simply laid in bed that day and looked at the flowers, wondering how he could ever have had the happiness that Deidara brought him into his life, just a few weeks ago. That happiness felt distant, like a long forgotten dream.

Kankuro told him that he needed help. But Sasori didn't want to listen. He was scared to go see anyone, scared to face his demons.

But then, he received a text from Deidara, on Christmas eve. It was different from all the other texts Deidara had sent before. It was a list of links for various therapy clinics, with simple words that 'it's okay to ask for help.'

Somehow, receiving that message from Deidara, the person who knows his heart the best, was like seeing the light down the end of the tunnel. Deidara knew exactly what Sasori needed, and he sent the information in a way that wasn't too pushy or persistent. Instead of saying "you need help," he said "it's okay to ask for help." With those simple words, Deidara told Sasori that it's alright. No one can do this alone. He was reaching a hand out for Sasori to take, and Sasori took it, desperate for release from the tidal waves of his drowning prison.

And so Sasori got out of bed that night and searched through the links. The next day, he got out of his room and spent Christmas with his cousins Kankuro and Gaara and his uncle Rasa. It wasn't so bad, and his spirits were lifted slightly when they made his favorite treat- gingerbread cookies. As a kid, he loved decorating gingerbread men, it reminded him of tiny little puppets.

On December 26th, Sasori contacted a few therapy clinics until he reached one that was open. He went in that day for his first visit, Kankuro drove him and waited for him.

Some of the fog was lifted that day. He felt better from talking to someone for just that one hour of designated therapy time. And so he went back. He made an appointment for each day of the week, per the therapist's recommendation since he was on break. She said he should take opportunity of his time out from school to get himself the help he deserved.

He was able to speak freely to his therapist, without fear of being judged. He spoke to her about his angered thoughts towards his grandmother; he cried about his fears and anxieties; he lamented about his feelings for Deidara, and how he felt so scared to tell him the truth. He told her everything, and she listened, and then gave him her professional advice.

Venting to a loved person can help alleviate tension, but for someone like Sasori who has a clinical diagnosis of anxiety, therapy brought about true change for him. He was able to hear from his therapist how he can deal with his anxiety and depression, and how to overcome it. He learned about making goals for himself, and breaking it down into smaller, more manageable steps. He was given validation that his dreams can be fulfilled, and that he is worth something. They spoke in length about his past, and his troubled relationship with his grandmother. She gave him the courage to move on from his feelings of doubt and loneliness, and to find confidence in his self. He was taught to love himself, and told that he can find happiness in those around him. She advised that he talk to Deidara and work things out. But first, she said, "you should open that letter from your grandmother. If she left it for you, then it's important."

So on January 2nd, Sasori finally decided to open her letter. He read it slowly, allowing himself to cry as he did so (his therapist said that crying is a normal reaction, and it's okay to cry. He was always told as a child that he shouldn't cry, his grandmother said that men shouldn't show those emotions. His therapist abolished this crazy notion from his mind). The letter was a single page long, but said so much.

After reading it twice over, Sasori wiped his eyes and stared at himself in the mirror. I'm okay, he thought to himself. He resolved to turn over a new leaf, and to take his grandmother's last wishes into account.

He knew what he needed to do.

…

Sasori is nearly sprinting down the street, ignoring the cold as best as he can. He has to get to Deidara's house, and quick. The start of the spring semester is in two days, and he is hoping that Deidara hasn't left to go back early.

He leaves deep boot prints in the snow as he makes towards Deidara's house. He already knows which house is his. After that encounter when they were younger, Sasori would watch Deidara walk home every day, making sure that no more bullies came in his path. He would watch him from afar, making sure that the blonde boy that caught his attention would get home safe every day.

Sasori knocks hard on Deidara's door, slightly out of breath from his sprint. He feels good, very good, better than he's felt in a long time. Even running feels good again.

The thought of seeing Deidara's smiling face is too much for him to bear, he feels so antsy, and can barely stop himself from yelling up at the house. Finally, someone answers the door. It's an older woman with blonde hair the same color as Deidara's, and a kind, sweet face.

"Hello," she says.

Sasori freezes for a moment, recalling how scared he was just a few weeks ago to meet Deidara's parents. But those fears are gone now, he knows that he doesn't need to be scared of what others may or may not think of him. "Hi there, you must be Deidara's mother?" Sasori inquires.

"Yes, are you Sasori?" she asks, shock present in her voice. The red hair probably gave him away.

"Yes, is he home?" Sasori asks, peering over her shoulder.

The woman looks delighted, "Oh, let me get him un!" Sasori smiles to himself at her use of the verbal tic 'un.' So that's where Deidara gets it then.

A minute later, Deidara is rounding the corner, eyes wide with shock to see Sasori there. "Well, come on in Sasori," Deidara's mother says, "I was just about to go out for some errands, I'll be back in an hour or so. Why don't you stay for dinner?"

Sasori nods, "thank you, I would like that." Deidara's mother beams at him as he steps into the house, and then she lets herself out, waving at the two of them before closing the door.

Deidara steps back cautiously, "Wh-what are you doing here un?" He looks like a wounded puppy. Sasori's heart aches, knowing that he's the one that caused him this distrust, this pain.

"Deidara. I'm sorry," Sasori begins, not sure how to start this. He has one hand in his pocket, clutching onto his grandmother's letter, the other is outstretched towards Deidara.

Deidara doesn't take his hand. Tears are welling up in the corners of his eyes, and he wipes them away furiously, "Th-that's all you c-came to say un? I've been waiting all break for you…with no answers…I was scared. Scared that y-you were done with me, that you were l-leaving me un…I still d-don't even know what you're thinking. Are you here to break up with m-me?" he chokes out the words and then looks up at Sasori.

"I have more to say than sorry. I figured I should start with an apology, because I shouldn't have done that to you Deidara, and nothing can excuse it. I shouldn't have left you to wonder those things, and to worry about me. I should've accepted your comfort, and let you be there for me while I was grieving…but instead, I pushed you away, because that's what I do. It's what I've always done. It's what I know to do. It's what my grandmother did to me. And you deserved better. And for that, I am sorry," Sasori says each line carefully, hoping that Deidara will understand, somehow. He walks up to Deidara and holds his hand, then leads him to the couch so they can sit comfortably. Deidara's movements are awkward, as though he still isn't sure of Sasori's intentions.

Once on the couch, Sasori clears his throat and continues, "I was lost Deidara. I was sad about a lot of things, I was dealing with pains deeply rooted from my past, things that had more to do with myself than with just my grandmother. I had given up on a lot of things…I was hiding in my room, where I was safe from everything, or so I thought…I didn't want to talk to anyone. Kankuro tried over and over to tell me that I should get out and get help. But I didn't want to hear it," Sasori takes Deidara's hand in his own, rubbing his thumb across his skin reassuringly, "but then I was saved."

"Saved un?" Deidara looks up at him, confused.

"By you," Sasori tells him. Deidara melts into tears again, this time not bothering to wipe them away. "Your text was simple, but it was what I needed. I was silently crying for help, and you gave me what I needed. I've been going to therapy for the past week, and I already feel so much better. I know there's still a long way for me to go, but I feel confident enough to finally tell you the truth about how I feel."

"I-I'm glad Sasori," Deidara says, "I'm glad you feel better."

"It's all thanks to you," Sasori says, looking Deidara boldly in the eyes, "I realized that you are the one true happiness in my life. I'm sort of a mess…I have a lot of anxiety, and a lot of fears, but you're able to see past that and see who I am beneath all that. Being with me is probably not easy."

Deidara gives a stifled sort of laugh and says, "Don't be hard on yourself un. Relationships are never easy."

"No, maybe not, but I am determined to make this one work. I love you Deidara," Sasori tightens his grip on Deidara's hand and feels his chest enlarge, as though his heart has increased in size. He finally said it.

Deidara stares at him, taken aback for a second. Tears are leaking forward like a waterfall now, and he leans in closer to Sasori, and whispers, "Y-you mean it un?"

"Yes. I told you I wanted to tell you the truth. I was scared to admit things like that before now. My grandmother raised me to keep my emotions hidden, and she herself rarely told me that she loved me…so I didn't know how to love. Until I met you," Sasori explains, bridging the gap between them by resting his forehead against Deidara's.

Deidara smiles and then pushes forward earnestly, kissing Sasori with all his might. Sasori returns the kiss, mustering as much love and passion as he can, grateful to have his blonde back in his arms again.

Between kisses, Sasori tries his best to reassure Deidara, "I'm sorry—I love you – I – shouldn't have just stopped – talking to you like – that – I love you – so – much"

Deidara pulls away for a minute to respond, "It's okay, I'm just so happy that you got help. And I'm happy that you're happy, and feeling better, and things are okay. And," Deidara breaks down and sobs again. Boy, he's a mess. "I just love you so much un." Sasori hugs Deidara to his chest, allowing him to sniffle and heave into him. He holds him tight, squeezing him until all of Deidara's tears have left. When Deidara finishes crying, he chuckles a little, "sorry I'm such a mess. I guess I cry easily un."

"It's okay. I promise I'll never abandon you like that again," Sasori combs his hair through Deidara's honey blonde strands, feeling at peace.

"Son," a gruff voice sounds out from somewhere to the right of them. Sasori jolts and releases Deidara, and Deidara quickly scrambles up.

"Hi dad," he says, "H-how long have you been standing there?"

Deidara's father, a brunette haired man with brilliant blue eyes yawns, "I just woke up from a nap. Who's this?"

Deidara introduces Sasori to his father, and then Deidara's father starts talking with them, engaging Sasori in small talk about school and his hobbies. Deidara seems nervous with his dad asking Sasori all these questions, but Sasori doesn't mind anymore. He actually enjoys speaking with Deidara's dad. His dad is carefree and a little silly, cracking jokes here and there and laughing lightheartedly. It's easy to carry a conversation on with him, and Sasori finds himself speaking to him until Deidara's mother comes home.

Then he's sitting at the dinner table with Deidara's family, something that a few weeks ago seemed a preposterous idea to him. He even helped Deidara's mother with cooking (perhaps even impressing her with his cooking skills). And the best part is, none of it worries Sasori anymore. His mind is at ease, and he savors in the moment, getting to know Deidara's parents and allowing them to know him.

Deidara is mostly quiet during dinner; he's shocked by Sasori's new mood. It's almost as if Sasori is a new person. A happier, more confident form has taken the old Sasori's place. So Deidara watches silently, and smiles.

After dinner, Sasori offers to help wash the dishes. "Oh my, you are such a great helper Sasori! My son is so lucky to have you around, you should teach Deidara some of those manners."

"Mom," Deidara rolls his eyes, clearly embarrassed. Sasori laughs, it's a breath of fresh air for him to be surrounded by a family full of love.

It's exactly what he imagines in his future for himself and Deidara.

…..

Sasori convinces Deidara to walk him home after dinner. They walk hand in hand, both feeling happily refreshed after how well things went with Deidara's parents.

"Looks like my parents really like you," Deidara states the obvious.

"Yeah," Sasori says, "I'm really glad. I like them too."

Deidara smiles, "Yeah. They can be annoying sometimes, but I'm really glad you decided to stay for dinner. That made me really happy un."

"Hey Deidara?"

"Yeah?" Deidara turns to Sasori and slows his pace.

"Before your dad came in, there was more I wanted to tell you," Sasori says, finally pulling Granny Chiyo's letter from his pocket. "My granny left me a note before she died."

"Wow," Deidara breathes, "are you going to read it to me? You don't have to un."

"I want to," Sasori says, "You ready?"

"Yes, go ahead," Deidara says, bracing himself for whatever information lies in the letter.

"My dearest Sasori," he reads, "I have to first apologize to you, for I realize now in my old age that I have been unkind. I loved you so much, and I was fearful. So I kept you under strict lock and key, with too many rules and not enough love. When my son and your mother passed away, I panicked. I didn't want you to feel that pain, and in shielding you from it, I realize now that I caused you even more pain by lying to you. For that, I am sorry."

Deidara gasps, "Oh my."

"There's more," Sasori says, continuing, "I know it's all in the past now, and there's nothing that can be done about it. But I would like you to take my advice, as an older, wiser woman. Don't hide from others your true feelings, and don't attempt to shield them from pain. I fear that I repressed your true nature by never telling you the truth about how I felt about you. The truth is, I love you very much Sasori. But old habits die hard. Even now in my deathbed, I am unable to pick up the phone and tell you that I have cancer, for fear that I will cause you pain. I am old and foolish. But you are still young, and you can still change. I want you to live the life you imagined. Dream big, and love even bigger. Find yourself a suitable husband, someone who you can share your love as well as your struggles with. It's hard to share pain with others, but it's necessary. Bottling up everything inside will ultimately destroy your heart, as it did mine. I fear I can't be kind to anyone anymore, I have lost the ability to do so. I don't want the same for you. Please forgive this old foolish woman in her time of death, and live a better life. I hope you can remember the good memories we shared together, in a distant past before your parents were taken away. Keep that memory of me in your heart, and find your own happiness and love."

Sasori takes a deep breath, pausing after reading. He has read the letter already several times, but hearing the words out loud seemed to strike a different chord in him, and he notices a few splotches on the letter from his tears. He wipes his cheeks and then looks up at Deidara, who wears an expression of awe.

"That was beautiful," Deidara says, "so she was sorry, in the end."

"Yes," Sasori says, "and she left me with some good advice too."

"Yeah," Deidara says, "It's as if she knew that you would need to hear that."

"Exactly," Sasori agrees, "and I wanted you to hear it too, because I want you to know that you are my happiness, and my love. I want to focus on us, together, from now on."

Sasori digs something else out of his pocket, and Deidara gasps, covering his mouth with his hands. "Now, it's probably too early for me to ask the big question, but I want to know if you even have an interest in it, someday, in our future. So please be honest with me Dei. I'll understand if you say no, or if this is something you need time to think about. But for me, I already know my answer. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll let me. So what I'm asking…is someday, probably several years from now…" Sasori clears his throat, feeling an uncomfortable lump there. This is harder than he thought it would be, "I want to marry you one day Deidara." He holds out a ring in front of him, it's nothing special, a simple silver band, "It's just a promise ring, a promise that I'll be yours forever. You can wear it on your right hand for now, assuming that you'll say yes?"

Deidara is laughing and crying, burying his face in his hands for a moment before he looks back at Sasori, "Yes of course!" he cries before flinging himself onto Sasori in a hug. He wraps his arms around Sasori and cries into him again.

Sasori chuckles, "I sure am making you cry a lot today."

"I'm just – so happy un!" Deidara says through sniffles. He pulls away and allows Sasori to put the promise ring on his right ring finger. Deidara inspects it closely, with a wide grin.

"I'll love you forever, brat," Sasori says, pulling him in for a kiss.

Deidara laughs, "I'll love you forever too Danna."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, here's to a happy ending! The last chapter after this one will be a short epilogue. Thanks everyone for reading!


End file.
